parodeity | recollé ic inbox 4.0;

He’s actually super hot so I informed him it would be a useless endeavor. Some brands of attractive transcend sexualities. Also he would look nice in a dress.

[ he also said all of this to kit

in a totally platonic manner

so like why ]

...[What if he just stares at Dave like he's debating if Dave is actually a real person who says words and has them come out of his mouth? What if.]

Okay first of all, I am afraid to ask how many of your guy friends you've decided would look nice in a dress and also, you're right, that probably would have been useless but mostly because I have been pretty focused on you for a few weeks and I am pretty sure I wouldn't be into other guys no matter how hot they are.

You’d look nice in certain kinds of dresses. [ thanks dave.

more importantly, he shifts a little uncomfortably. ]

...are you seriously okay with this? [ dave is still undisputably a dude, pretty or not. ]

[Lucky for Dave John can't really argue about that since Dave asked a more important question and he leans back against the wall of the nest, staring at the sky before nodding.]

...I want to take it slow if that's okay. But I am positive this is what I want. Dates and hand-holding and flirting. Everything we were already doing. Don't you?

That’s not it. I mean, yes, but like - are you actually physically attracted to me or is that a thing you are trying to figure out how to be and might not? [ which he frankly wouldn’t care about if it were a thing since he’d take the emotional shit over anything else and he doesn’t want that much of the rest anyway right now but he wants to Know which to expect. ] And what do you mean by slow. Like go on a date and see what happens and not call it dating until and unless we hit, like, fifty dates and then maybe okay mentioning it in conversation? Am I keeping this absolutely dead secret?

[ is he supposed to mention it to rose or not is there something to mention?? ]

It’s, like, fine whatever way but I don’t know what thing I’m adjusting to here.

Whoa, okay, one thing at a time. [There's another awkward smile because it's still a little overwhelming to adjust to but these are still things they need to talk about.] Yes, I am actually physically attracted to you, but I am also trying to figure out what exactly that means. I think I wanted to kiss you for a really long time and I didn't because I wasn't sure. I'm way more sure now that it isn't just a friend thing but it's a "I think you're unfairly attractive" thing. But I'm...not sure I'm comfortable with anything outside of that yet?

[So that's kind of embarrassing, but anyway.] We don't have to do fifty dates to be dating. I think we've already done at least fifty dates anyway maybe. And maybe don't yell about it from the rooftops because that would be kind of embarrassing no matter what but it doesn't have to be an absolute dead secret either. [...] It's been a while since I've dated or have been somebody's boyfriend so I am severely out of practice.

Dude, I’ve never done anything besides that. I mean, kissing. One time it occurred with my shirt off and it wasn’t anything more than a kiss followed by me kicking someone out because curfew and that’s pretty much not happening again because I need every layer. I realize I make a shit ton of off color jokes but I am all talk. So that’s not really a huge concern. And you don’t, like, have to kiss me again ever if you’re not comfortable with that either.

[ so moving right along: ]

Also, I only told about three people about my last girlfriend, I’m reasonably sure I never fucking mentioned V - the guy I dated to anyone but Dirk, and I went out of my way to avoid confirming I dated Terezi until after the fact. I do not do rooftops. I do asides or maybe an update if you’re Rose.

[For a moment he just looks a little curious.] ...I could get behind you without a shirt. [But that's all he says.] I want to kiss you. That part is definitely not the issue. Kissing is okay.

If you want to tell people or not is up to you. I'm not really worried about that so much even though it would take some getting used to. But what about you? Do you care if it comes up when I talk to people?

No. [ he doesn’t care, he means. ] If you want? I don’t know I make calls on what I tell people as I talk to them. I’d probably tell Rose and maybe update the guy I kept talking about a hypothetical straight guy with. And then just whatever?

[ and while he’s changed his shirt in the dorm before he usually does so fast enough scars aren’t visible, and he could skip the remark, but: ]

I’m not super comfortable with the idea of taking my shirt off. Yet? [ ever?? uncertainty. he hadn’t cared back before his body hit regain puberty. ] But thanks for the vote of confidence.

I don't think a lot of people really need to know. If it comes up, fine, if it doesn't, also fine. I think everyone knows you're my best friend anyway as it is. There is only one person I should probably update. [Wait.] Am I the hypothetical straight guy?

[Whatever. Instead:] That's fine, too. Like I said, we can take things slow. Even though we've been doing...a lot of really questionable shit that probably should have tipped me off way sooner, this is still something different.

Who else would the hypothetical straight guy be? I mean, not that you are hypothetically straight, but I phrased the entire situation with hypotheticals and he didn’t call me on it so that was, like, legit of him. You’re the only person I’ve been interested in since March. [ he doesn’t ask who john’s one person is since. he doesn’t mind it being a thing although maybe things will feel more real if someone he doesn’t tell knows because John told them. who knows. ] Are we stopping the questionable shit now?

[ like specifically the sleeping together portion he’s been avoiding anyway. is it somehow more awkward to do that with someone you’re dating. ]

...I mean. I am still hypothetically mostly straight? I am not interested in other guys. It's just you. [Or at least that's all he'll admit and entertain the notion of since that's what he wants to focus on.] But I get your point. You're the first person I've felt might be okay to try to be with since Vic and I broke up.

[...hm.] Do you want to stop it? [So he's not answering yet, no.]

[ john hitting the “however I’m still straight just you don’t count” note doesn’t Help so dave just drops that entire line of conversation for the time being and slash or forever because it’s not a problem if he doesn’t acknowledge it ]

I want you to tell me if I read the music right or not. [ Several of those songs were about sleeping together. ]

[Time will probably help, and he doesn't quite register that it's kind of a dick move to be saying things like that. At the same time he's only focusing on his feelings for Dave and getting those in order.]

...that doesn't answer the question. I want these things to be a mutual decision, Dave, not just me answering things and you going with it. [The answer's yes, of course, he'd picked specific songs and he wants to continue sleeping next to him but if Dave's not okay with that now that they're dating then that's something they need to address.

...are they even dating? He's still not even sure. He thinks they are, probably, but they're working on it.]

[ maybe someday months from now John will go “oh fuck” about it but for now dave can just avoid the topic like burning!! ]

If you want it to be mutual I think maybe you need to trust me to try. [ that is: ] Or are we gonna do this every time one of us has a question? It’s like a game of hot potato except the bomb hits both participants every time. So, like. I mean, I guess we can keep doing that? No trust all paranoia, it’ll keep everyone on their toes.

[It's better than "did I make you a homosexual when I changed the timelines" so there's some credit. Irregardless, he's suddenly at least aware that somehow something went wrong again and he takes his time to assess.]

If sleeping with me is going to make you feel paranoid then maybe it's not a great idea? [God. Okay.] Or. I don't know, I'm lost. What do you mean? This is one of those "not talking about the same thing" things, isn't it? I do trust you, but I also know you.

I mean the thing where you won’t answer my question unless I give you an opinion first. You don’t trust me in that capacity. It’s not any more a mutual decision if you make me pick before giving me any idea what you want, babe. It’s just a decision you can control more? Hypocritical to complain, sure, but our decisions usually aren’t super mutual compromises because of that habit we definitely share. Even with the where are we staying over the holidays thing, when I cracked and told you mine you agreed without confirming for a while there that was what you wanted, too. So it’s usually just like, a change every so often of which of us is in the unfair position of having to ante up everything they want without any indication of where the other person is at, or confirmation of that indication?

[ ok that was a lot of words but ]

You asked me a question, I think, but you’re not really giving me any information beyond the fact you might’ve. And a question in return, which I haven’t answered either. Like, do we want to keep that up or what do you mean by “mutual decisions”? Is it me tellin’ you shit sans the reverse, dude?

[That sure was a lot of words, but it's enough for John to actually listen.]

You're right. [It's breathed out with a low sigh, a hand running through his hair nervously.] Hypocritical or not, you're right. We're not doing great at the mutual compromising thing when we just keep shooting questions back and forth without answering them ourselves. And I do not want it to be a case where you tell me everything without me responding either, that wasn't what I meant it to be.

[He pauses again.] Can we try that again?

Sure. [ it was more or less what he was shooting for, so. ] So like. Did I read the music right? You want to sleep with me still? Platonically. Well, maybe not platonically but like - whatever you know what I mean. I hope that is what you meant by try that again.

Yes. And yes. [It's close enough at least.] If you'll still let me, I still want to sleep with you. Platonically-but-date-platonically.

Okay. [ at least he already knew relationships required talking to people and complications. but since he brought it up he has to kind of uphold his end of the trade here. uh. ok. ] No, I don’t want to stop that particular thing. I haven’t magically found a different cure to my fucked up sleep schedule in the past four days. Cool as that would be. But even if it weren’t a thing with an obvious benefit, I like being close to you. And it’s fine if we both agreed not to do anything more than that. Which we did. So?

[ nnngh. ]

What if we make a deal? You try to tell me when you’re uncomfortable and I’ll try to do the same. [ since they both fucking suck at it.

he’s kind of desperate not to fuck it up so that means trying to suck less. ]

[He considers that for all of five seconds before he nods quickly. He still won't admit it, but he's kind of anxious about this whole...everything. Excited! But anxious and still trying to figure out how to juggle it all.]

Yeah. Yeah I think that might be a pretty okay way of working on it. [He ducks his head a little.] I like being close to you, too. It was weird again. [Not sleeping together, he means. But he's staring at his hands in his lap now instead.] You're still my best friend and I trust you with my entire life but I think this is just going to be new for both of us. But it's okay? I cannot think of anyone else I'd rather be with.

And...not playing hot potato with questions? [ wryly. ] For things to work on.

I think that is also doable. Check each other and call each other out if it happens again?

Calling you out on bullshit is surprisingly fun and I suppose it is only fair if you get to do it too. [ ok but ] So if we’re dating are you going to update your social media profiles to “in a relationship”?

[ why are his priorities weird and all over the goddamn place but that’s clearly? important? oh. this reminds him he can change john’s ringtone so he drags his phone out to do that. ]

Edited 2017-12-13 09:30 (UTC)

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