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[parodeity]

TELEPATHY | TEXT | VOICE | VIDEO | ACTION

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[parodeity]

yeah
i mean originally it was a matter of like convenience
tz hung out with vriska and i was not about that life
rose was like always with kan and id hang out with them sometimes but not all the times
so that left the mayor who was my BEST friend and karkat
it just kind of worked out that we spent most of our time together
oh gamzee existed too
but
honestly i try to forget he existed when i can
he was funny and his steamroller antics never bugged me
until i started actually putting things out there
that mattered
rather than my usual constant joke schtick
of things that super didnt
i guess
i dont know
we mostly spent our time in lowkey dumb ways
i never talked to him about bro or anything

[splinten]

You did tell him about your Bro recently, right?
And my understanding is that went well, because Rose and me didn't try to kill him.

[parodeity]

oh back when we were dating
i gave the basic like
outline
i tried to get rose to tell him about ordinary human families first but im pretty sure she did not manage it very well
never touched on the topic again after that because just
i dont
like the part where i kind of have to explain the human society stuff in relation to how fucked up that was
and also it was around then i just stopped
telling him stuff as much
like a little after that probably
idk i didnt really pull him in as a resource for any of our shit
because
i usually felt really terrible about myself and he tended to make it worse
even though i realize 99% of the insults and i hate yous arent serious
itd be like if when you were telling me you suck i called you a thousand names and told you i couldnt stand you
so i always went to you or rose or no one

[splinten]

A lot of the tension with your lack of public status came out then too.
It seems like you two had problems with the actually-supporting-each-other part of things.

[parodeity]

yeah
ive never known how to super handle the part where after bringing up an issue
someone freaks out and apologizes and disparages themselves a lot
or on the flipside insists it works for them
which i guess
i have subjected you to yes i realize
i think he wanted to talk about stuff in
december maybe at some point?
when i was

[ NOT WELL? ]

when i was not really available to be supportive to anyone
which is another reason i dont think i should like
date ever again
im pretty sure its not impossible or improbable that ill get sent into that mindset again

generally though i just gave up so as not to argue and tried to avoid like
hearing about all the times he went on doing the shit that bugged me
since he had this habit of telling me about them
repeatedly?

[splinten]

I have no place to judge that decision.
I did decide to swear off romance, and also all human company.
Although you were the one who helped convince me maybe it was not best if I was isolated for the rest of my life and never entrusted with the company of another human being again.

Do you ever want to address the problems that were in your relationship?
Not now.
Just ever, at any time, in all of time.

[parodeity]

im not swearing off all human company
just
im trying
to sort myself out still
and i think thats something i actually do want to do

not right now
but eventually
although i didnt plan to ever address the rin thing
since theyre still dating and theres literally no reason to make waves
what i wanted
when i said wed work on our friendship and i needed a breather from romance
was to like
work on our friendship
and not the dating thing
i want to have stupid conversations about nothing
which is not what vantas wants
and im not actually sure i want to have them with him anymore because
he makes me second guess myself
about mattering
or anything i feel or think being right

[splinten]

That is definitely a thing I'm going to endorse.
Good job, bro. Sincerely. That's hard and props to you for committing to it.

Immediately, I'd like to punch out Vantas for making you think you don't matter and that none of your feelings or thoughts are right.
But probably that isn't helpful.
Would it help if I talked about how me and Jake handled things? We got together eventually, but the priority was the friendship.
Right now he makes you feel worthless and that's not okay. You don't have to agree to try to be friends again. You don't have to put yourself through that feeling.
You can just flat out decline this entire thing.
If there was something you yourself valued from your friendship and want to preserve, though, then we can talk about what the options are right now.

[parodeity]

rose already offered to beat him up for me
the second she heard about like
rin
which i suppose says a lot about something
answers still no and it was mostly my fault anyway
idk if it can help but like i dont mind if you do
it helps when you lay out options sometimes
even if i hate all of them
i like the listing portion of things

[splinten]

I'm glad that at least you like to listen, even when you hate what I say.

I can understand Vantas's desperate fear here. In a romantic scope, I mean, although yeah I've had that with you, but I mean I was definitely the clingy and aggressive one in my relationship with Jake. 'Steamroller' would be an entirely fair adjective to have applied to my attitude.
When Jake and me broke up, we agreed to work on our friendship and meant it.
Well.
When Jake and me broke up, we couldn't talk to each other out of our depths of self-loathing, then sat around waiting to die, and then got run through a boss fight.
After that, though, we made that agreement.
Obviously we stood around being awkward first. You know the amount of skill I can put into being an awkward wreck.
Then we apologized for what we'd done wrong, and forgave each other, which actually was incredibly easy because both of us were of the opinion that we were the guilty party in this friendship, and also our entire lives.
We agreed that some of our things probably couldn't be settled right then. Like the question of whose fault it was, because that was a question we were not ready for yet, and a more detailed analysis of what we needed to do in our friendship.
What we were ready for was to agree to be as clear as we possibly could be with each other, and to do everything to listen to the best of our abilities.
I also promised to never talk to Jake again if he wanted that and totally let him set the terms of every interaction from that point forward, which was probably extreme, but he did not let me follow through on that. I also told him that he could decide whether to discuss our issues soon, or just work on hanging out and not talking about those issues.
We agreed that we'd try our best, but we also acknowledged that we'd probably mess up a lot.
We also made it clear that our first priority was our friendship and unfucking up ourselves as people. Jake told me that he wasn't taking romance off the table, but he didn't want to think about it.
I think the reason it worked is that we were explicit about the terms of engagement and we both had the same goals, which we set out clearly, and both of us were honest about our feelings on that subject. In that way, we were able to work as a team to improve our relationship.
Admittedly, I got a head start of about two months on learning how to be less of an asshole, and that definitely helped when he showed up.

So I'd say the options are:
1. Give up.
2. Request a delay. Give up if he won't accept a delay. Try to be specific about when he can check in again though.
3. Begin the painful and highly abstract process of trying to become a team, which will demand more specific details in options. Consider this set of options the main heading options. There are subheading options depending on your choice.

[parodeity]

romance isnt on the table
i dont think
at the time when we broke up it was because
i didnt know about other factors yet
but its not on the table anymore
im never going to know the exact point i ceased to matter
or to which degree it was
and im not sure i want to know
but its not on the table

so
that portion of your advice
doesnt matter so much

idk which option i want
mostly
i would like him to stop trying to corner me into conversations
but he kept saying if we dont have them we cant have the casual conversations
so i dont know what to do there
usually if i really fucking cant handle a conversation you and rose will let me slide on it until i can
but he doesnt

but also i shouldnt make this decision right now
since immediately after being accused of not wanting to fix things is probably not the best time
to make a kneejerk decision about it based off of fuck you
or guilt

[splinten]

Not making the decision right now is a smart choice.
Those are the options I can come up with. You can consider them when you think you're able to.

[parodeity]

i do want to sort myself out
were not stopping that right
when are you gonna start drawing puppets

maybe you should like
start on like meme ones
like the cookie monster
make one of those

[splinten]

You want me to draw the cookie monster.

[parodeity]

it was the least threatening puppet i could think of shut the fuck up

[splinten]

Can't shut up, I've got a commission.
Someone wants me to draw the Cookie Monster.

[parodeity]

youre the one who said step one of puppet acclimation should be you drawing designs
is that not still the plan
beyond wanting to get used to shit thats important to you
i think
it would probably be nice
if i could tolerate puppets instead of them just being this vague triggery bullshit lurking in the distance
so it falls under sorting my shit out twofold

[parodeity]

also do you even take commissions have i corrupted you that far

[splinten]

I do want to, though I'm a little worried about doing it right now when you're already on edge.
If you're good with it though then I'll come home right now and draw a Cookie Monster masterpiece just for you.
I do not take commissions. I do take requests.

[parodeity]

youre the one who used the word commissions

its a different kind of on edge
or
look
youll offset it
im hoping
if it freaks me out too much which i dont think the drawing portion will
ill let you know

what are you doing anyway

[splinten]

Apparently, this. See you in three.

[parodeity]

wait you didnt tell me what you were doing before this

rude

[splinten]

Wasting time, bro. The usual thing Id o.
Although this time it was not drones. General computer part assembly.

[parodeity]

can you help me make an iron tomorrow

[ he keeps bringing this up?

dave will probably start randomly ironing dirk's clothes if he gets an iron fair warning ]

[splinten]

You have a fixation. Ok, sure.