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[parodeity]

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[splinten]

We were drawin'. It isn't urgent.

[parodeity]

It never stopped bein' unfair.

[ a pause. he's abruptly not talking about cookies any longer, sorry dirk. ]

It wasn't fair when I went off on you back then, and I knew it and said so, not matter what you thought about it. You though it was fair, I think, because you tried ot take responsibility that wasn't even yours. But it has never stopped bein' unfair when any of it leans on you. It never gets less heavy. And you're not really the person it should be on. No one actually is. If it's helped you in some ways, that's great. But maybe it doesn't always.

[ ... ]

I'm not really goin' anywhere with this. It's just pointless bullshit.

[splinten]

[Dirk frowns. But it's gentle. He is trying to listen, he really is. He doesn't agree but he wants to listen and understand like Dave asked him to.]

How do you think it's hurt?

[parodeity]

You worry about things that you shouldn't have to? Mostly.

[ dirk shouldn't have to be careful about jagged edges and broken pieces when none of it had anything to do with him - not really. it was all bro, or dave, or the things inbetween, and dirk hadn't had a single thing to do with any of it. ]

It's a lot to handle, you just said so. And I worry it's going to wear you out.

[splinten]

Nah. Endurance is my best stat. [He takes Dave's hand in his.] I've mentioned before that I enjoy worrying. It comes with caring, and I'm grateful that I get to care about you like this.

[parodeity]

You have. But...

[ dave will allow the handholding and just trails off. ]

Seriously, nevermind. Idk where I was goin' with this, it barely matters.

[splinten]

[Dirk is quiet with it for a moment. He thinks he might understand.]

Are you scared that all these things are gonna wear out my love for you?

[parodeity]

[ like, yes, that's one concern, but dave's constantly worried dirk will flip to not loving him so it's barely important. ]

I'm worried that my shit might make your shit harder to deal with, and it might...be too heavy for you at some point. But you usually don't let me not say things to spare you the trouble.

[splinten]

You mean the things your Bro did, with reference to me hatin' myself.

[Clarifying because he really does want to understand.]

Or are you worried about the suicidal thing?

[parodeity]

I always worry about that, that's not what I'm talkin' about.

[ a genuinely honest statement out of perfect surprise. ]

I mean that...I don't know what I mean. You shouldn't have to deal with the ways in which I'm broken, especially when you're doin' well on shit. I worry about it makin' you backslide, or makin' you think you have to do shit you don't just because I'm...dumb?

[splinten]

[Ah. Dirk tries again.] You think that you're a burden because you aren't always okay.

[parodeity]

Yeah.

[ more to the point: ]

And sometimes it makes you...change things.

[splinten]

Like how I act? [Wanting clarification on this too. There are definitely things he has changed, but the ones that count are ones they've worked on together.]

[parodeity]

That's part of it. But you make allowances for me, or my comfort, too.

[ this is said like it's a bad thing so w/e ]

[splinten]

[Yeah it is. Which is bad.] You mean like with puppets.

[parodeity]

Yeah. And the part where my being... [ ok. he's avoided saying it explicitly, but. ] The part where I don't like Hinata might mean something.

[ they were talking about it anyway. he's spent like three or four months not confirming it. but. ]

[splinten]

[Okay. That makes a little more sense. Dirk's expression is quiet, maybe a little sad, but not rejecting it out of hand.]

It does mean something, because you mean a lot. I think, though, that that's how ordinary people feel about things. It seems like it's just how people are that they group together to protect the people that they're closest to. It's the tribe thing or whatever, evolutionary psychology is dubious at best. But it seems like people prioritize their own over those who aren't. I don't really see how my decision to put you first has to do with what you see as your brokenness. [He'll listen if Dave tries to explain it. It just doesn't seem right.]

[parodeity]

I'd be fine with the dude if I weren't. And I...get that. That people do that. I've done it. I'll do it, still, if it comes up. I just...don't know how to take it being done for me, and I worry a little that it's a bad thing it is, when the root cause is, you know, my issues. Not anything they're doin'.

[ a shrug. ]

I'm not askin' you to change one way or the other, here. No unilaterals.

[splinten]

I appreciate that. [No unilaterals. He appreciates it.] And, uh... I get that it's hard to handle someone doing it for you.

Are your issues actually why you dislike Hinata? I've never really fully thought that was the reason.

[parodeity]

[ dave's eyebrows go up. ]

What reason did you think I had?

[splinten]

I thought you just didn't like him and found him kinda uncomfortable to be near.

[You know. The way some people just don't get along.]

[parodeity]

I mean, prior to the bomb thing, sure, that's more or less accurate.

[ he won't go into any reasons he might not like hinata THANK GOD THAT SEEMS TO BE A BULLET DODGED. ]

But the reason I don't trust the dude has entirely to do with what happened in December.

[splinten]

What's the part of that that's less accurate?

[The bullet is a homing bullet.]

[parodeity]

[ he's gonna kill dirk?????? ]

It's completely irrelevant. I just didn't like him.

[splinten]

It's relevant to this conversation about why you dislike him.

[That's the point of the conversation. Kinda. Okay it's a subpoint in the larger conversation but still important.]