parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 3.0;

[Okay. That makes a little more sense. Dirk's expression is quiet, maybe a little sad, but not rejecting it out of hand.]

It does mean something, because you mean a lot. I think, though, that that's how ordinary people feel about things. It seems like it's just how people are that they group together to protect the people that they're closest to. It's the tribe thing or whatever, evolutionary psychology is dubious at best. But it seems like people prioritize their own over those who aren't. I don't really see how my decision to put you first has to do with what you see as your brokenness. [He'll listen if Dave tries to explain it. It just doesn't seem right.]

I'd be fine with the dude if I weren't. And I...get that. That people do that. I've done it. I'll do it, still, if it comes up. I just...don't know how to take it being done for me, and I worry a little that it's a bad thing it is, when the root cause is, you know, my issues. Not anything they're doin'.

[ a shrug. ]

I'm not askin' you to change one way or the other, here. No unilaterals.

I appreciate that. [No unilaterals. He appreciates it.] And, uh... I get that it's hard to handle someone doing it for you.

Are your issues actually why you dislike Hinata? I've never really fully thought that was the reason.

Edited 2017-03-04 05:50 (UTC)

[ dave's eyebrows go up. ]

What reason did you think I had?

I thought you just didn't like him and found him kinda uncomfortable to be near.

[You know. The way some people just don't get along.]

I mean, prior to the bomb thing, sure, that's more or less accurate.

[ he won't go into any reasons he might not like hinata THANK GOD THAT SEEMS TO BE A BULLET DODGED. ]

But the reason I don't trust the dude has entirely to do with what happened in December.

What's the part of that that's less accurate?

[The bullet is a homing bullet.]

[ he's gonna kill dirk?????? ]

It's completely irrelevant. I just didn't like him.

It's relevant to this conversation about why you dislike him.

[That's the point of the conversation. Kinda. Okay it's a subpoint in the larger conversation but still important.]

[ OH MY GOD ]

He rubbed me wrong a few times in conversations. Ironically I took exception to how he was tryin' to control Komaeda's life prior to the bomb thing, though now I mostly take exception to the fact he didn't fuckin' warn the base at large that we should be worried about the things we really should have been worried about, and how that's been dealt with.

[ let that be enough. ]

{Dave's huffing which honestly is kinda funny sometimes. Right now it manages to be funny. But he will stay on the more serious topic.]

Do you think you're not allowed to dislike people or somethin'?

[ well. no. but he does think that one of the more major reasons he originally disliked hinata was not allowed? he doesn't want to share that one, though. ]

I know I can dislike people, dude. I have done frequently? I didn't like a single one of the trolls at first, for example.

Then I'm not following why it's not okay for you to dislike Hinata, aside from the fact that me and Rox liked him.

It's probably fine to dislike him, but it's less fine to let it get in the way of how you deal with him.

[ to clarify. ]

So even if you disliked a person for reasons that didn't have to do with what we're calling your issues, I guess, although I'm honestly not okay with that label—even if you disliked a person for whatever reason you consider an okay reason to dislike someone, you wouldn't think it's okay that it affects how I think about them.

You make enough in the way of exceptions for me?

[ holy shit does he not like giving dirk more. ]

Ok reasons are not - what I didn't like him for mainly. They were stupid and ridiculous and I don't really want to get into them. But I put enough of my negative shit on you without addin' to it with shit I can handle just fine by ignorin' it?

[Hm. Dirk's quiet again, that little frown showing he's thinking about it, he's trying to understand what Dave means.] Reflex is that I want you to put all your negative shit on me. [But.] I get why you don't want to.

Do you?

[ like. ]

Maybe you do. I just...want you to be happy?

Yeah, I know. You don't want to be a cause of unhappiness for you. It kinda feels a little bit like a gut wound when you are, except you can handle gut wounds but this thing lodges in your flesh and grows more poisonous by the hour. We're talkin' somethin' gangrenous here, seriously septic. The one thing you want to always do for your brother is to make him feel as happy and loved and at peace as he deserves, and every time you manage to flip it turnways and subject him to a helicopter's blades because of your own shitty personality, you remember exactly why you never deserved to have a brother like this in the first place and wish you'd done anything to have stopped that from happening to him.

At least, that's how I figure you feel.

...Yeah.

[ obviously dirk is putting it in his own personal experience, but. yeah. that's it. that's the thing dave was trying to get across earlier, and now. he doesn't like putting the heavy shit or the negative shit on dirk because it's heavy and it might make dirk unhappy. it's complicated by the part where not knowing shit tends to make dirk unhappy, but even so.

he hates it when he spoils dirk being legitimately happy just by kind of existing and not being able to handle something. ]

You deserve to be happy, all the time. So I really hate ruinin' that.

[Of course it's Dirk's own feelings. But of course they often feel the same way. It's a weird mirror, and sometimes it's in the best ways and sometimes it's all the worst things they share. But it means he can understand this, and he remembers Dave once said he was somehow grateful if what his Bro did helped him understand Dirk. Dirk can't agree with that, but sometimes Dirk is grateful for all the ways he is messed up enough to understand.

He reaffirms his grip on Dave's hand.]

Thanks. For caring about me, and thinking I deserve that kind of happiness.

How the hell could I not?

[ like. honestly. every time he's deliberately tried to ditch dirk, the base cause has usually been i'm making you unhappy and want to stop. ]

I've thought that pretty much since the end of our first conversation.

That I deserve it?

[Oh. That does mean a lot.]

You made me happy then.

Like I said. It was pretty clear to be that you were a good guy who was strugglin' wit shit.

[ not a person who didn't deserve happiness. maybe not perfect, but who the fuck was? ]

[Dirk is quiet for a second.]

Can I hug you.

[He doesn't normally ask but he—he has to. Dave doesn't know how important the things he's saying are. Dirk needs to ask because he thinks maybe Dave doesn't want that right now but what he is saying means a lot.]

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