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That wasn't exactly where I was going with that. [There's a sigh.] Help me out here, dude. I do not know how to make things better.

What do you want me to do? [ to make things better for john, he means. ] I can like...stay out whenever I have nights like this and just find somewhere else to be?

How does you extracting yourself from everything solve anything?

Then I won't...bother you with it?

[ look. ]

[...just...an eyeroll...before he bodily rolls and sprawls himself over Dave's back and firmly planting his forehead into his spine.

It's drastic and dumb but apparently Dave still needs grounding.]

Still not where I was going with that.

[ jfc john what the fuck are you doing...dave tries to roll over to get him off? he likes the contact yes but he reacts like that's a wrestling move and tries to get on top of john instead. ]

Dude.

[The new plan is to be weird and knock Dave out of whatever funk he's in. Is it working? Who the fuck knows, but Dave moves and John flips a little, trying not to land on his back even when his hands fly up to Dave's shoulders.]

Dude!

[ who the fuck knows, dave is actively trying to get john pinned on his back now though.

he doesn't have the strength stats for this but he's too frustrated and determined to talk as he...tries that. ]

[Maybe Jake was onto something when he was talking about wrestling?? As it is though he's grappling and yeah, Dave doesn't have the strength stats but he does have the speed stats which means he can switch his grip pretty easily as John loses balance and falls with a thump on his back.

So. Sufficient (?) pinned. And glaring a little, but here they are.]

[ no don't listen to jake? dave doesn't actually like to wrestle but once he does manage to get john on his back he.

doesn't know what to do next because what the fuck is wrestling so he just drops john's wrists and sits up mostly on top of john and runs a hand through his hair, opening his mouth to speak and then.

stalling out for a second.

assuming john doesn't try to shove him off, after a second he stops staring into the space of the laptops to kind of glare down at john. ]

Sometimes, [ sometimes? ] sometimes I think about things I used to say or do, and I think. Wow, I was a giant asshole. Because I was. To Davesprite, and other people. And I think - I think he probably did hate that name. And when I said he didn't care, I thought too much of myself. Or I underestimated what it's...like. To talk to people. Who aren't yours and who want the right version. Or to know that you're not going to matter anymore. I never used to think about what happened after the martyr thing happened because there wasn't meant to be an after. Not for the person who died.

[ but homestuck is stupid. so that's a thing. and he never quite...came to terms with that. dying? sure. been there done that, willing to do it again even here.

but how are you meant to pick up the pieces of it all? ]

And it feels so fucking stupid because I'm meant to be happy you survived and that there's a timeline where everyone did and I'm not supposed to mind that I'm not there or that I died because we've all died, a million times. I'm not special.

[ about dying. ]

So why can't I get over this?

[He should probably push Dave off of him but instead he's more hooked on the fact that Dave's trying to talk to him. That's what he's been trying to get at this whole evening, so it's fine, clearly.]

...probably because, like you said, there was not meant to be an after. We weren't supposed to come here and it would have meant the end game where you were from the doomed timeline and didn't have to see the results of what happened. I think maybe it's okay? To think this whole thing isn't fair. Because it really is not. To you or Vriska.

[He's thought about that a lot, too.] Terezi asked me when we got here if being here was my fault and I did not have an answer. But if it is, I'm sorry. I didn't want to drag you guys through life after death because that seems shitty. Bird you was kind of a huge pain in the ass and a little callous at times. But putting it like that, maybe I can kind of see where he was coming from. It's not like we were his versions.

[Silence.] On the other hand, I think you are forgetting something. You kind of are my version. Even if you're not "the right version" or alpha Dave anymore or whatever, you are still my version, just like Jade is and just like Rose is so it doesn't matter about when we go back. If this works out the way things are supposed to, I am going to know the difference. So I want to spend as much time as possible with the right version before anything else happens. You just make it really hard sometimes when I still do not know what you're actually thinking and like. I get it? You don't always have to tell me. But that is where I stand on that.

Until you go back. [ he's your version until you go back, he means.

dave isn't moving and he's still staring at john like he's a puzzle dave just doesn't know how to solve. ]

What is it you're wondering about? And it isn't your fault we're here, don't be stupid. It isn't even like we wouldn't be alive back there. At least until we were inevitably ghost murdered.

No, even after that. The alpha Dave, Rose, and Jade probably won't have all of the same memories as me, will they? If we're rewriting the entire timeline.

[He frowns a little.] I don't want you guys ghost murdered. And I think I just. [A pause.] What would be easier, telling me what your wish is, or being totally honest with me about everything?

They'll have every memory you ever have that comes after this. And that Dave will have every memory you ever had with him except maybe those over an accumulated like ten minutes.

[ on that planet, in his room.

effectively there wouldn't be anything "different" aside from the life he'd led up to then. would it change how he treated john? ]

What do you want me to be totally honest about?

[He bites the inside of his cheek.] I don't care. I know it's what we have to do but now that I have had time to think about it, I don't know if that's really the only way.

[But there's a frown.] What you're thinking, mostly. You're still pretty far away, man.

It's what happens. [ but that's pointless and he shies away from the topic again. ] I can't...tell you everything I'm thinkin'.

[ he says can't with a certain weird finality, but some of it isn't related to his death or john at all. ]

You can always ask. But some of it is just...

[ too heavy? too dark? too much? ]

Tonight. I think...

[That's. A little alarming. But he's quiet and waiting.]

Tonight? ["Tonight we shouldn't talk about stuff" or "tonight I want something else", that's a great question.]

It doesn't matter why. But tonight, if I fall asleep I'm goin' to have nightmares.

[ it's not like it's rare. he usually has nightmares. maybe it should be "tonight i don't really want to have those nightmares". ]

It's backwards in order and I've never asked anyone before anyway. [ little kids in movies go to their guardians when they have nightmares - he knows john used to do that. crawl into bed with the person who's supposed to protect and comfort you.

that had never been an idea dave had ever entertained at any point, because his guardian had terrified him.

he's still on top of john but he slides off to the side, sitting there and looking away because it's too hard to look at john directly as he doesn't quite ask for what he actually wants. ]

...you don't really sleep at slumber parties, dude. [Kind of a peace offering? A shitty one, but. He doesn't mind when Dave moves and when he looks away he gives him a cursory look.]

So what you're kind of asking for is some way to avoid the nightmares at least for tonight. Right?

...I'm askin' you to ignore slumber party rules. You still haven't stopped bein' salty about me letting you sleep that once. So...

[ god. he just asks. ]

I...just like... [ nvm he stumbles over it ] Can you just be here. And have my back.

[ if he sleeps. ]

[...there's a slight huff and he shakes his head.]

You could have just asked that earlier. [But there's a tilted, unsure smile.] It's fine, dude, of course I can. I'll stay here as long as you want me to.

Sorry. [ there's a huff of air before he flops onto his back. ] I know you don't deserve me bein' weird.

I kind of figured it came with the price of being your best bro. You know. Like a package deal? One Too-Cool kid, comes with sweet shades and weird mood swings. And anyway you've been weird on me a few times since we got here, I would have left by now if it actually bugged me.

[Also, he's had a long chat with Vriska about the state of death so. He gets that final death changes people. He turns his head to look at Dave though now that they're both flat on their backs.] You are my version of you, and I'm not abandoning you. Okay?

[ dave just kind of looks over and swallows, trying to figure out...words to say. it feels more quiet in the blanket fort and he's still tense but he's at least trying. ]

It's not abandoning. I don't want you to like...I am so fucking thankful you get to live. You know that, right?

[There's a small nod.] I know you are, but...dude, I already thought I lost you once because of the Tumor. Then you and Rose were alive and we were all godtier and it was awesome. But then we were separated for three years and we never got the chance to really be together. So thankful or not, it still blows. I know it's not abandoning but it also kind of is.

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