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[parodeity]

DAVE STRIDER

consider this your warning about stairs. itll just keep happening bro. im telling you man

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[parodeity]

...It's just. [ he's still dancing. he hasn't stopped, his feet haven't faltered. he doesn't have to think about it. ] ...Humiliating, maybe.

[windeity]

...why? What's humiliating about it? [He's better at dancing than he was, but he has so many questions all the same.]

[parodeity]

It's not...humiliating is maybe the wrong word. I just feel like a bad person, I guess? [ he's struggling to put it into words, but he's...trying. ] For...wanting things. I wish I didn't.

[windeity]

...I want you to want things though. That makes me feel less selfish here. [He frowns lightly.] I like being able to give you things and making things happen. But sometimes it's hard when I'm not sure I'm doing it right.

[parodeity]

It's just. Wanting something you don't, it makes me feel like I'm doing it wrong. [ loving john, he means. he shouldn't want things if it'll stress john out or if it's something he can't have, although that's a tangled confusion of not wanting to ask for anything at all. ]

[windeity]

But how do you know it's something I don't want if you're not asking me? [Just. Pointing that out here. He doesn't want it to be a thing Dave feels like he's messing up, but John's also confused himself.]

[parodeity]

Because you like just said - [ an aggravated sigh and he stops them dancing to shove his shades up into his hair. ] I asked about it because I wanted to - I didn't want to have sex with you, I just wanted -

[windeity]

[He stops moving and he stares, jaw clenched and hands on Dave even if he doesn't say anything. What, Strider?]

[parodeity]

I wanted to do more, okay? Not...I didn't want sex, just more. Which I guess still qualifies actually, and I don't...like wanting something out of you that you're not ready for. I want to turn back the clock to before I wanted that, because for a pretty long time, I didn't.

[windeity]

Okay but like. What is more, Dave? I don't understand what that means. I can't say yes or no if I don't--are you talking like marriage or what?

[parodeity]

[ a very strangled noise as he drops his hold on john? ] No! I mean, yes, but also no! I mean.

[ jesus fuck what if he just kisses john to avoid whatever he is trying to explain. ]

[windeity]

[That works for like ten seconds because he likes kissing but he also reaches up with his free hand to push on Dave' s shoulder to get him to back up a bit.]

Dude, stop. What are you talking about?

[parodeity]

[ this is entirely unfair but his shoulders slump and dave caves. ] I want you to - I don't even know, this is just. I want to carve stupid pumpkins when they're in season and put them on the front porch and I want you to try to host Thanksgiving or something and I want to attempt to help you in the kitchen and I want you to make out with me in the closet at work because you didn't back then and I want to plant tulips and sunflowers in the yard and I want to drag you up here to dance sometimes for no reason and I want to bring you flowers from work and I want you to sing me stupid songs and I - I want you to touch me, okay, and I want to touch you and it sucks because for so long I didn't even consider it and I don't know how to go back on that. And it's stupid and I shouldn't have brought it up.

[windeity]

[Oh. Okay.]

...first of all, like 90% of that is stuff that I am pretty sure we would be doing even if we were not dating just because that's how our friendship works. But secondly, how is any of that stupid?

[parodeity]

I just feel - bad. [ like he's doing the boyfriend thing wrong and isn't good enough for john and john deserves better. dave's hands twist together. ] So, I'm sorry.

[windeity]

I think I'm just not sure why you feel bad. And if it's something I'm doing, I want to fix that.

[parodeity]

No no no, it's somethin' I'm doing. It's cool. I can fix it. [ he stops fiddling with his hands, holding them up like he's placating john. ] I can be better.

[windeity]

Babe. [It's steady and firm even when he takes Dave's hands anyway.] That's not what I'm asking from you. I don't care about you being better, I care about you actually talking to me. That's it. You're doing just fine.

[parodeity]

Can we just...go back to forgetting about it? [ maybe they shouldn't but he feels awkward and stupid and lost. ] About that topic. Never happened, never gonna happen, just one of those things we can maybe think about never?

[windeity]

Absolutely not. I know that's what you want but that is not happening. I'm sorry.

[parodeity]

[ he forgets for a stupid second that his shades are up in his hair and shuts his eyes, breathing through the moment for a second in that calm way he has when he's forcing himself not to panic. ] Yeah, okay. So what now?

[windeity]

Now we talk about it. [He's not sure what's happening and he's a little alarmed by the change in breathing, but he doesn't call him on it.]

I want those things, dude. I have wanted those for a long time.

[parodeity]

[ what if. he just stares blankly in confusion for a second, after he opens his eyes. ]

[windeity]

[He lifts an eyebrow almost playfully.]

...what makes you think I didn't want them, too?

[parodeity]

More immediately you just said you didn't want to until other stuff happened. [ or that's what he thought john said, maybe he misunderstood. ] Less immediately, I assumed me bein' a guy was a roadblock.