parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 2.0;

[His mind is made for connections. It might be the wrong one but it is so easy for him to make.]

A bad day from me. [The little lift. Yes?]

It was just a memory at first. Not a bad day from you.

[ just one of those Bad Days he refused to expand upon, back when dirk asked what constituted a bad day. ]

[Days he doesn't know if he can even begin to imagine.]

Then what happened?

I couldn't remember if I was dead or dreamin'.

[ rose asked him that one and it's stuck around in his mind ever since, because it was always a good question in the game. it'd been a question he'd asked first, that she'd mirrored back at him.

am i dead or asleep? try to remember. sometimes when he's sleeping, he can't recall, and he twists himself up trying.

it doesn't answer "then what", except it hadn't been rose who'd asked this time. ]

You were there, too. [ too, not instead of. ]

[That doesn't still answer 'then what.' He doesn't want to shove; he wants to let Dave take his time.

So he just nods. He was there too, and Dave didn't know if he was dead or dreaming.]

It was just a nightmare.

[ dave shifts, crosses his arms over his eyes as he lays there, thinking. after a second he moves them away so he can keep an eye on dirk instead, re-orienting. ]

You get that, right? Sometimes after you wake up from shit like that it's just hard to fall back asleep so you have to wear yourself down until you can. I've had them since I was a kid, about a million different things. Rose used to analyze them for kicks. Still does if I bother to tell her about 'em.

Roxy used to tell me about her dreams sometimes. I get it.

[It's a nightmare. It isn't real. But it is real, bone-deep, a mind jumbling up terrors and spitting them out in messy rearrangements.]

It's okay. ["It will be okay."] I'm here and I'm willing to listen to what you're willing to say.

I just want you to know it isn't about you, not really. And you're the person I tried to get to distract me. Okay?

[ he's more worried about dirk's reaction than he is about his own. dave doesn't really consider nightmares to be that noteworthy in the long run, even if he'll wake up and putz around until he can go the fuck back to sleep, or avoid it sometimes. his default reaction is to bother dirk or rose to distract him, when he has the option at all. ]

That means a lot to me. [That Dave went to him for distraction. That whatever happened, at least Dave actually wanted him to stay there and be there and sing a dumb lullaby.

He doesn't give a smile; that isn't his vocabulary. But his expression is reassuringly steady.]

It's okay.

[ dave's seen you smile before, dirk. a lot. but all right. he breathes out, slow. ]

It was a bad day, but it was just a memory, until it wasn't. Because when it happened, you weren't there, and I was younger. At first, I was younger. You just watched for a while as we went at it before you asked me: Are you dead or dreaming, Dave?

[ the question bubbling up through a million different voices and faces at a million different times throughout his dreams ever since he'd realized it was always a question that mattered.

sometimes, he answers wrong. ]

And I couldn't remember.

[It sounds unsettling, to say the least. Dirk has never liked being unsure of his reality. He likes to know where and when his mind is, and his splinters have sometimes been helpful to that, even if other times they're really annoying about it.

At the same time, Dirk doesn't exactly understand. Why is Dave afraid that Dirk would be hurt? It's creepy but it hasn't touched on Dirk hurting Dave. Unless that was what hurt him? Unless there was something else.]

Was that when the dream ended?

Oh, no.

[ he's being really sparse on the details. dirk still doesn't need to know what Bad Days were like. but he's told dirk before, when he was scared he'd broken dirk's nose, that he knew how to handle his own broken bones and could probably reverse engineer a solution if he had to. other people getting hurt freaked him out but he'd been used to it, when he was a kid, and he hadn't questioned it.

the stupid rooftop, his left arm broken but he'd always been capable of using either hand after a certain point in his life out of necessity and anyway it barely matched up to the rest, and the strife pausing so the weird watcher could ask a single question. ]

He said it didn't matter, and killed you, and then things changed again and it was my turn. I die a lot in my dreams.

[ bro's voice, barely ever heard, a sword swinging. toss the body over the roof and then it wasn't entirely bro and wasn't entirely dirk and the question wasn't a question because it doesn't matter because you're dead, Dave, either way. ]

On the bright side, there was minimal puppet ass, so you know, actually relatively relaxin' compared to some of my greatest hits.

[Dirk can't ask what bad days are but Dirk can work some things how. He can work out mind games and he can work out things lasted longer, and he knows Dave has had broken bones and had to care for them on his own, he knows Dave gets basic self-administered medicine on a level he shouldn't.

And then Dave tells him he died.

It doesn't register as bad except that it hurts Dave. Dirk is sure he'd die in his dreams if he dreamt more. He hates that Dave dies in his but he knows that's how it has to be. But something seems to be escaping him.

Dirk reaches for Dave's hand.]

What was the part where you were telling me it was just a dream, so it wasn't about me?

[ dave's first aid when administered to dirk or in front of dirk has always been probably scarily competent. there has been some awkwardness about patching up someone else, but it's not like he's never not up to snuff on taking care of injuries.

dirk reaches out for dave's hand and dave meets him halfway on automatic. he's still being cagey and reclusive in regards to a chunk of the population reaching out for him, but he hasn't flinched or pulled back from dirk since he said it was fine. ]

As soon as you died, it wasn't Bro any longer. Not 100%. And you - conglomerate weird you - said it didn't matter if I was dreamin' or dead because I was about to die, and then I, you know, did. After the fanfare.

[ sometimes he accepts his death easy; sometimes he doesn't. it doesn't usually matter either way. ]

[There. That makes sense. If Dave is worried, Dirk doesn't look hurt. He's just concerned, minute expressions speaking worry about Dave.]

Have you had nightmares like this before? Also conglomerate us was an idiot, it obviously makes a difference whether you are a dying dreamer or a double-dead ghost.

[Why does Dirk always pick the dumbest things to get mad at other selves for.]

Like this in what sense? And I mean, I guess. But I get asked that question a lot ever since I asked Rose the first time and she kept sayin' it back to me. It stuck.

[ dying or dead or dreaming, dave? ]

Where you get a Bro-Dirk fusion.

[Where the splinters come together. Dirk wonders, not for the first time, if there is a splinter of him in Dave's head. But it is the first time he wonders if there might be two.]

No. More often it's you in Bro's place, or helpin' him or whatever. Or just memories or recreations without you at all.

[ the fusion is a fun and exciting new chain of thought. he's flippant about the answer, because it's not like this is New. ]

Oh, sometimes I have this really creepy recurrin' dream about bein' a puppet. I hate that one. A marionette.

[ that comment is said with a tinge more aggravation than the previous statement. ]

I can see where those come from.

[All of them. But boy oh boy, that apartment and it's appalling marionettes.]

Okay, so you said what I was tryin' wouldn't help. Are there better things for me to do?

What?

[ give him a second. he barely remembers what bullshit he types to dirk on a good day when he's not sleepy. ]

Oh. I mean, it wasn't the worst. I'm not sure about better things? I've...only ever tried just talkin' to you or Rose or whoever until I make myself tired again, or messin' around with some kinda project till I drop. Usually music shit.

[ or he just doesn't...sleep... ]

It might have been a misinformed cynical view?

Did it work to a degree better to alternatives, including discussion of household appliances?

How could I possibly know that when you refused to discuss household appliances with me? Not enough data points.

[Dave u shit]

Guess.

[ it's a genetic shittiness ]

Better.

Okay.

[He tugs Dave into a hug.]

If you want something else next time, just let me know.

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