No. I was scared and I wanted to know you were okay. [It's one of the reasons he has always been so clingy. After a pause,] Before it was okay to hug you again, you offered one to me because you knew it made me feel better. That's what it is... basically all the time.
[He needs that reassurance. He needs to feel that Dave is okay and safe and there.]
It feels impossible to really account for the way I've come to rely on you to feel good and safe. It's part of my daily routine, though, from eating during the day to actually managing sleep of some kind.
[ oh, okay, that feels...dave isn't sure how it feels. something? not nothing. he worries about the being fucked up thing for a second but decides it probably doesn't matter so much since at least it's fucked up in a less destructive way than his previous family relationship. ]
I can understand it. But isn't that really fuckin' scary?
Scary, bordering on terrifying. And then crossing the border without UN sanction and not heading back.
[It's scary because every time Dave pulls away from Dirk it feels like being torn apart. It's scary because he could lose it, destroy it, ruin it all for himself. It's scary because it wasn't always there and it might not always stay.]
But I like being like this, so... that's what I'm choosing.
Well. As long as we're terrified together, I guess. We can set up a souvenir shop for visitors. Maybe sell some dumb t-shirts. A few snowglobes with our deepest darkest fears locked inside, for the kids to pick up and shake, y'know? We can hire a bored teen to man the register and they'll do like less than the bare minimum of the work required, and no one will fuckin' blame them because who the fuck wants to work at the Strider Inc Gift Shop? No one, that's who.
[ well all right that's happening? there's no falsely irritated grumble this time. dave just hugs dirk back, although: ]
Is the plan here to go back to sleep? [ not that he has super exciting plans for the day, since "bugs" is pretty much the only thing on the docket beyond time with the pets and feeding and stuff. technically he doesn't have anything he has to do for a few hours.
so it is a question that is less accusational and more legitimately curious. it's not like either of them ever gets Enough sleep anyway, dave supposes??? ]
[ like. he will go back to sleep if dirk plans to hug him for much longer? ]
I'm all right. [ it's immediate, and it occurs to him dirk may not buy a rapidfire response, so: ] Really. Not wired. Nightmares aren't a big thing as long as I don't wake up in the middle of 'em or actually get some sleep after. I'm cool. [ he's. not sure if they were back to asking about the original thing dirk was worried about or not. ] Are you okay?
[Which. Is tempting to leave just like that but he should probably expand.]
I'm not upset about the nightmare. Or, I'm upset but not in the way you worried. And you're going to do your stupid experiment in the most minimally stupid conditions, so I have that comfort.
[ he will get to breakfast later because he's not actually hungry yet but he'll eat if it means dirk will so. w/e that's more or less the strider meal plan anyway ]
I don't know. I'm comfortable and I don't feel like movin' yet?
[ or COOKING THINGS immediately so maybe if he puts it off a little, he will actually be hungry. and also primed to cook things. ]
You can go and build robots whenever you want, though, even though I feel like we by this point are outnumbered a thousand to one in the robot sector, mostly due to your efforts. If this goes Terminator on our asses, I'm blamin' you, for the record.
[ the blaming dirk would just be an "i told you so" even though he's never actually protested it in any way beyond "this feels like skynet in the works". ]
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[He needs that reassurance. He needs to feel that Dave is okay and safe and there.]
It feels impossible to really account for the way I've come to rely on you to feel good and safe. It's part of my daily routine, though, from eating during the day to actually managing sleep of some kind.
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I can understand it. But isn't that really fuckin' scary?
[ like, dirk just said he was scared, but - ]
When you say it like that you make it sound easy.
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[It's scary because every time Dave pulls away from Dirk it feels like being torn apart. It's scary because he could lose it, destroy it, ruin it all for himself. It's scary because it wasn't always there and it might not always stay.]
But I like being like this, so... that's what I'm choosing.
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[ certainly not an underpaid teenager. ]
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[Dave gets brought back into the full hug, complete with chin on top of head.]
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Is the plan here to go back to sleep? [ not that he has super exciting plans for the day, since "bugs" is pretty much the only thing on the docket beyond time with the pets and feeding and stuff. technically he doesn't have anything he has to do for a few hours.
so it is a question that is less accusational and more legitimately curious. it's not like either of them ever gets Enough sleep anyway, dave supposes??? ]
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[Dirk is hugging Dave and that gets priority, ok???
His voice quiets.]
Hey. You okay?
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[ like. he will go back to sleep if dirk plans to hug him for much longer? ]
I'm all right. [ it's immediate, and it occurs to him dirk may not buy a rapidfire response, so: ] Really. Not wired. Nightmares aren't a big thing as long as I don't wake up in the middle of 'em or actually get some sleep after. I'm cool. [ he's. not sure if they were back to asking about the original thing dirk was worried about or not. ] Are you okay?
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[Which. Is tempting to leave just like that but he should probably expand.]
I'm not upset about the nightmare. Or, I'm upset but not in the way you worried. And you're going to do your stupid experiment in the most minimally stupid conditions, so I have that comfort.
Wanna make breakfast together?
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[ he will get to breakfast later because he's not actually hungry yet but he'll eat if it means dirk will so. w/e that's more or less the strider meal plan anyway ]
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[You know. The way he gets upset at many things who dare to harm his loved ones.]
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[ maybe dirk should just like. lay down. forever. ]
Not that I don't get the impulse, but.
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[like honestly lying down forever is probably dirk's best bet]
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Maybe you need to sleep some more.
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[He can't kick the world's ass for upsetting people if he's asleep]
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[ but seriously: ]
Maybe I'll sleep longer.
[ how much of this is laziness re: eating maybe at least 20% but also it's currently easier to just kind of vegetate. ]
And you can handle the portion of the fam that's like, stressin' about shit.
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[Like how he hasn't tried to kill Komaeda!]
Do you want to sleep longer?
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[ or COOKING THINGS immediately so maybe if he puts it off a little, he will actually be hungry. and also primed to cook things. ]
You can go and build robots whenever you want, though, even though I feel like we by this point are outnumbered a thousand to one in the robot sector, mostly due to your efforts. If this goes Terminator on our asses, I'm blamin' you, for the record.
[ the blaming dirk would just be an "i told you so" even though he's never actually protested it in any way beyond "this feels like skynet in the works". ]
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[Also Dirk is settled in now so if Dave is napping Dirk will nap too. So there.]
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[ well???? dirk was the reason he wasn't moving????? so who is the source of this cycle really!!! ]
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Just be happy I haven't built a von Neumann machine yet.
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That's the self-replicatin' one, right.
[ apparently this is one of those moments where dave isn't going to pretend he doesn't what dirk's talking about. ]
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[Dave you are so bad at ever convincing Dirk you don't know stuff]
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Ok, well. Can you maybe try not to do that for at least a little while, to give us room to breathe before the Roboapocalypse.
[ he's joking. ]
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