parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 2.0;

Yeah. I like that I can.

[ it's actually said with a fond grin. sorry dirk. it's not even a speed thing: he just genuinely likes that he's allowed with little more than mild retaliation. ]

I know. This is why you haven't stopped being the baby brother in literal months, dude.

[Because, overlooking, you know, certain reasons involved in this, it is also a hugely baby brother move.]

I'd do it even if I were older.

[ but the grin flickers away to nothing as quickly as it came. ]

[A pause: Dirk signals time out.]

Did I say somethin'?

[He isn't sure if the grin flickered away for any particular reason. He would like to be clear if he did something dumb.]

[ dave will actually honor the time out and drop his hands to the bed? ]

No? [ or, well. ] Not really?

What part is the not really?

[He props his head up for this moment when he is not being attacked with dumb fraternal wrestling matches.]

[ time to flop back over for dave. ]

Uh. [ it's a buffering "uh", giving him time to consider it. ] I don't want you to take care of me? That is, not just - I want to take care of you, too. I don't actually know what it is? It's not like. A bad thing or really even a thing that upsets me. It's just a thought?

[ so it's unfocused and vague. ]

I don't want you to ever be an untouchable older brother.

[ there we go. ]

[Hm. He gives a nod.]

Settin' aside the very specific reference being made here, I've been told by more than one person that not relying on other people is not actually one of my best habits.

[He decides to flop down also, since the answer has been given, and now he's more contemplative.]

It's definitely something I have a problem with. You're one of the people I rely on the most, but I think even in that I could work to let you look after me more.

I think it's the same kinda reference you were tryin' to make the other day.

[ just a different subject. dirk sometimes hates that he feels like he can't reach dave in terms of strife. dave sometimes hates the times when dirk feels like a distant star. ]

But it's not like I'm very good at the opposite either, I guess. [ he doesn't always ask for help and doesn't always allow it to happen. ]

[He can appreciate the parallels.]

We're both workin' on it. You're letting me bring lunch, and I'm trusting you to get me some oj.

[That's a start! He turns his head to the side, enough to watch Dave.]

And I've been trying to text you when I feel... not my most ideal. Or lonely.

[ dave's still looking up at the top bunk, but he slaps his hand sideways to lightly hit dirk's arm. hold his hand or something, bro. ]

Obviously oj was gonna be packed. And I...appreciate it? [ that seems like a very small word for what it feels like when dirk actually asks dave for help. he wonders if that's the same way dirk feels when dave manages to ask. ] It's like callin' a black hole a pinprick. But, yeah, I - haven't felt...nothin'. Recently.

[Ow? Ow. Rude. He will hold that offending hand.]

Me either—uh, with my thing. [He almost never feels nothing. It's the problem.] Lonely hasn't really been an issue lately either. I can just come home and you're here.

[ it was light dirk will live?

dave transfers his gaze from the bottom of the top bunk to dirk, one of those nearly unreadable neutral expressions on his face, though it's softer than it sometimes is.

he tries to clarify why he brought it up. ]

If I did, though, I'd try to call you. [ he thinks he would? probably? ] I didn't just call for you on the Narcissus because you were there or because I knew I would. I didn't know that the entire time. And I wouldn't have always done that.

[ if he thinks about it, he can probably try to pinpoint the exact moment, but there might not even be one - when his first thought when he was overwhelmed with too many factors in a fight was to reach out and call for help. it wasn't always the case. ]

Oh. That reminds me I wanted to do somethin' you'll totally hate.

[ and then he ruins it but ]

[There is something real and close to the surface in Dirk; something vulnerable and open, something stirred by what Dave says.]

That's.... thank you. [Calling a black hole a pinprick. He couldn't possibly say enough to mean what he feels.

And then Dave fucking ruins it. Dirk's expression refocuses.]

Do I get to find out what that is?

Yeah. You can be there for it. I'm goin' to cut myself at some point in the next few days and see if I can fast forward the healin'.

[ he forgot he wondered about that back on the narcissus but now he remembered. sorry dirk.

also, dave isn't done with the other topic though so whiplash: ]

I want to be reliable enough to be that for you, too.

[I'M SORRY DAVE, DID YOU WANT DIRK TO FOCUS ON ANYTHING BUT WHAT YOU JUST SAID. DID YOU WANT ANYTHING BUT A LOOK OF BLANK HORROR? BECAUSE THAT IS NOT HAPPENING.]

Why.

[THIS IS OBVIOUSLY NOT THE OTHER TOPIC, DIRK CAN'T EVEN DEAL WITH THE OTHER TOPIC RIGHT NOW]

Cut a plant instead and fast forward it.

[NOT! DAVE!]

[ like he was at least super honest about "oh right i'm gonna do something you will Totally Hate"???? HE WASN'T WRONG??? ]

I'm not gonna cut myself like a lot, just a little bit.

[ this makes it Better. ]

Literally just a little tiny slice. No big.

Why does this have to be you.

[It doesn't???? it does NOT have to be dave?????!?!?!?!?!]

Because reasons.

[ if it works on him he'd try it on dirk if asked but like ??? no

but he will relent and give an actually good reason: ]

I have far more practice movin' myself through time than I do anyone or anythin' else.

The plant won't take offence if you mess up a few times.

It also won't take pain, because it's a plant and not my brother.

Messin' with plants only goes so far. I already know how far I can push them. Exactly straight up against that stupid boundary line.

[ fast-forwarding plants is easy mode. ]

So anyway I brought that up 'cause if you want me to make sure you're around whenever I do that I will? Even though it will be tiny and stupid.

[ unless it works and he has to experiment further but he wouldn't push it that far with dirk around. ]

Also it's not gonna hurt that much oh my god. It's not like I'm suggestin' I break my own ribs or somethin'.

You won't let me tell you to do it to me.

[He is pretty damn sure Dave won't. He would VASTLY prefer it if Dave did.]

If it works on me I can try it on you to see if it's harder or easier with other people if it even works?

[ it seemed pointless to make plans for what he was going to do with this knowledge after if it doesn't even work? ]

Um. You don't have to stick around for it if you don't want? I can always find someone else willin' to sit with me or whatever.

[ "someone else" in this case being rose because rose is the person least likely to be freaked out by the idea in his repertoire of friends.

dave figures it probably wouldn't be bad to clarify that he doesn't plan to waltz off and try it all alone. maybe. ]

No, I want to spot you.

[The hand which Dirk has a grip on is used to tug Dave over. The hug is bordering on protective.

He breathes out.]

Thanks for letting me know. And come.

Again, it's just gonna be a tiny little cut. No big.

[ uNLESS IT WORKS he might try a bigger one but. shhhh. at least he hugs back? ]

But yeah. I think I promised to do experiments like that with you around? And it wouldn't be for a bit, I want to make sure I'm over the whole portal thing for real and absolute serious before I bother with anythin' new. You dropped the other conversation.

[ does dirk feel this sense of aggravation about every conversation dave has ever dropped or dodged, ever? wow. dirk is a fucking saint? ]

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