parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 2.0;

[ at least dave's still doing the barely touching fingertip thing. for whatever that is worth. they are such idiots. ]

Yeah. [ it's the thing dave has been telling himself he can't have back fully. ] I get that it's one of the things you want.

Okay, so.

[Okay, so. They are sitting in a tree, with their fingertips barely touching, he can do this.]

I think... I'm not entirely sure where to go from here. Could we... could we talk about how I broke that? Why it's hurt right now.

It felt like you were tellin' me someone else had to join that circle, and that was how it was goin' to be. And that's fair; you aren't mine, but you are his.

[ a shrug. ]

I...think eventually my just tellin' you things will feel natural again. [ if he keeps just forcing it to happen, he means. ]

[There's a moment's pause.] Can I have my shades back? I need them to draw something.

[This is going to be stupid.]

I wasn't plannin' on blockin' you from them if you ever went for them.

[ but he will actually unclip - shit wrong pair of shades, those go back onto his collar as he fumbles for a second and comes up with the, you know, pointy set to hand out. ]

I wasn't going to go for them, but I don't have a pen.

[So, he takes the pointy edge of his shades. And he grabs a few leaves from off the tree, and he uses his not-made-useless hand to draw a few things on the leaves scraping them in with the pointy edge. When he's done, he hands the pointy shades back to Dave to hold.]

I made diagrams of what we're discussing.

[Dirk, no. He holds up the first leaf. It has two circles: one with the points 'Da' and 'Di' labelled on it, and a second with 'Da,' 'Di', and 'J' on it.] You're picturing me askin' for a transition from the first circle to the second circle. I'm not sayin' you're wrong that that is what it is, I'm just trying to demonstrate the differences in how we conceptualize it. So this represents what my request means to you.

Not really. I know it isn't fully into the circle. But it isn't a closed circuit. And it shouldn't be? So. You're right about askin' it not to be.

[ he's willing to disregard how he feels about it because how he feels is inherently wrong, like with - well komaeda's whatever. ]

It's more like a balloon in shape in practice I guess.

[ he just hooks the shades back over the collar of his shirt next to his own. ]

A balloon has the same idea of the kind of circuit you're envisaging, so I'm taking it. Do you want to see my second leaf?

[ HE DOESN'T REALLY WANT TO SEE THE SECOND LEAF, DIRK, BUT: ]

Sure.

[TOO BAD. Dirk holds up his second diagram. This time, there are also two circles! But the circles are different. One circle is Da + Di. The other circle is Di + J. The two circles are connected by a tangent dotted line.]

That's what I was imagining. It's why I'd hoped it wouldn't be a problem. I didn't think...When I imagined it, there were still two closed circles, one for us and one for me and him. The only time anything crossed over that line was when it was stuff that doesn't matter and doesn't really mean anything, things about the Kharaa or stuff me and him discovered about URSULA's servers. I saw it as information that I'd want you both to know as someone on my team in a fight, information that doesn't seem important except for our basic survival so you both would have a right to know.

I didn't understand why you saw it as an open circuit. Now I do, and I get why it bothers you.

[ well. dave at least listened to the whole explanation. ]

All right. That's fine. I'm still fine with you tellin' him whatever. Next decision?

[ but he's not sure what to say about it and is well aware most of the issues are just His Issues. it's easier to let it go. ]

I don't think we're there for the next decision yet.

[Dirk... puts his leaves down. Goodbye, diagram leaves.]

The whole point of it is that I saw it one way, and now I understand. I get why you aren't okay with it. I'd like to make that the point we start working from.

[ the visual aids didn't have enough dumb comics ]

Oh. Uh. Ok? I understand how you saw it too.

[ it's not the way in which dave sees it and he gets that and. is not sure of step two. shit why does he suck at this. ]

I'm workin' on...not.

You don't... have to? You can if you want to. But... I bifurcated the information in my head, made a distinction between the two kinds. I get now that you don't and it makes sense why. From that, it doesn't make sense for me to ask you to trust someone you barely know. Jake's awesome and I love him, but he's basically a stranger to you. It would be stupid and unfair to ask you to trust him.

But it's important to you to be able to tell him these things?

[ so, obviously: yes he does have to? dave frowns, not. able to unfollow that logical leap there. maybe they weren't entirely done talking about how to say no or what constituted saying it. or sticking to saying no. or anything. ]

So it's fine.

I'm not disagreeing with that. But it's equally important for you to be able to tell me things, and it was a mistake for me to ask you to extend that kind of trust to Jake out of hand. It isn't like I'd trust [Karkat doesn't work. Well, sub in someone else] John. I don't trust John. I don't know him. Would you expect me to trust him with things?

No? But John wouldn't care one way or the other. His reaction to not bein' told shit has historically been pretty mild.

[ annoyed or oblivious or occasionally mad but. mild overall. ]

Yeah, but you still wouldn't expect me to even if he did care. Or if you did, you wouldn't just tell me that that was how it was from now on and expect me to deal with it.

[ okay that statement seems accurate, so where's the trap.

shit dirk hates it when he treats a conversation like a battlefield. okay. just...assume there's no trap. ]

I wouldn't expect you to, no. It's one of the things we'd have dealt with in wildly different manners.

Right. So... [Here's the trap. Here it comes.]

I guess I'm askin' what you would've done if our situations were reversed.

[The trap is: Dirk doesn't know what to do. Open expression, a frown just there at the eyebrows, but only looking at Dave wanting to understand him. Looking for answers, or at least some kind of compromise or better path forward.]

[ THIS IS WHY HE TREATS CONVERSATIONS LIKE BATTLEFIELDS, and dave gives a little "ugh" but. ]

I don't think it really follows, dude. If I told John to just trust me and not worry about trustin' you, his entire reaction would be "okay whatever". He's trusted me on weirder bullshit without anythin' other than my word before. He's like...

[ well. ]

He's John. We wouldn't have ever had to discuss the topic.

[EXCEPT IT ISN'T AN ACTUAL TRAP. It's just. Dirk not knowing. And hoping Dave might have an idea.

So much for that. There's the hint of some kind of self-mocking smile.]

He's John, and you're you. Jake doesn't trust me, for very good reason. Sorry.

None of them would have given a fuck if I'd told them to trust me and not worry about it, yeah. It's not like we wouldn't collectively decide to inform someone about an issue when it became an issue they'd have to worry about - although actually John maybe should worry about that since Rose and I sure did fuckin' not notify anyone else when the dreamself suicide mission became, like, a for real suicide mission.

[ but it's john and he wouldn't care. ]

Just...do whatever you have to do to get Jake to trust you.

Accidentally burning everything down because I totally misapplied what he told me is probably not the way to convince him I'm trustworthy.

[He's frowning. He's trying to work it out. He pauses, and then breathes.]

Okay. You can tell me if this is a really stupid, impossible idea. It might not make any sense. Just... let me know the truth of how you feel about it. We can throw it out if it seems idiotic to you.

You'll have to tell me the idea in order for me to tell you what I think about it.

[ unless that was an attempt to get dave to promise to be truthful, in which case he. didn't do that yet but. ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject