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[parodeity]

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[parodeity]

That's only if the sheep is like, memecute and you know it. These sheep are not meme worthy. They look like sheep would look if they regularly did coke and had late night parties nonstop? They're the sheep who have had a hard fuckin' time, who you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley 'cause they'd def kill you a little bit.

[ this conversation needs to not ]

Just...genuinely selfish ones? [ which is why he least wanted to talk about this. dave's thumb absently starts tapping out a beat on the back of dirk's hand. why is he annoying. ] I just...want you there.

[splinten]

You're sayin' that like I can't take care of myself against a couple of cokehead sheep. I can absolutely deal with some sheep from the wrong side of the barn.

[ok it needs to but it's going to keep happening]

Oh. [There's a pause.] Fully aware of what this says about my character, I should probably let you know that it is reassuring to me when you decide I'm something you feel selfishly about.

[parodeity]

You've never met sheep from the wrong side of the barn or you wouldn't be makin' such outrageous claims. They have teeth, Dirk. They'd shred you in like, three seconds flat. I am absolutely sayin' you couldn't take yourself against cokehead sheep. You're not enough of a dog person. Jade could totally take 'em.

[ i hate this

dave just kind of gives one of his more self-deprecating laughs. ]

You shouldn't feel that way? I mean - it's kind of really fucked up to want to monopolize someone's time, even a little bit. Which - it's not really "a little bit". [ he's done it to rose, too, trying to tag along on her dates or whatever but he's at least never dragged her away from an entire base full of people? she'd offered to let him, but he'd managed not to agree. ]

[splinten]

I am basically dating a dog. I think I can handle a sheep.

[he hears the laugh, but... he shrugs.]

Probably, yeah. But that's the kind of fucked up that I am myself. We've passed the baton of hypocrisy back and forth several times before, but in this case, I don't have objections. In my experience, it's okay to be that kind of selfish if the other person feels the same way.

[parodeity]

[ he's kind of just giving dirk that look again, like he's not sure he believes dirk is a real live person saying these things for real. despite the fact dave not five minutes ago told dirk he didn't care how clingy he got it's. different??? if it's the other way around??? ]

You're just...okay with it.

[splinten]

[Two for one, and enough that Dave drops the sheep conversation. He really must be shocked.]

Yeah. I'm okay with it.

[parodeity]

[ well. at some point they had to flip back to dave feeling like the pathetic one. it should be dirk's turn again soon??? this is so stupid??? ]

I'm allowed to be selfish about this?

[ just this one thing. just to clarify. he has not stopped giving dirk the weird this feels like a trap look. ]

[splinten]

Yes. [It's getting redundant but. It's probably good to say it, so.] You're allowed to be selfish about this.

[parodeity]

Then...okay.

[ maybe eventually he'll believe it without the affirmations. maybe someday dirk will believe dave doesn't mind him being selfish or clingy about the same shit, too. that day will probably not be today for either of them, but. ]

I feel safer around you. It's easier to sleep - I mean, when sleep was more than a daydream I had sometimes, and a thing I actually did on the regular - and relax, and - I like just...being around you. You were the major reason the base ever qualified as "home" and the word didn't mean somethin' terrible, before it went to shit.

[ despite saying "no" every time until now, dave had been aware that having dirk around would make him feel better and help him in a lot of stupid ways and a lot of important ones. ]

[splinten]

[Dirk listens, and he's ready for it. He isn't shocked like Dave, not when he has been putting together these pieces. But he gives Dave's hand a brief squeeze.]

So... we feel the same way? Hand-me-down sweater, no holes, goddamned cashmere for the fabric. We feel better livin' in the same space.

[parodeity]

[ for a wonder, dave returns the hand squeeze. ]

Yeah. Full-price Kohls quality. [ he's still not totally okay with the idea of hurting other people, but - maybe if he makes this his one selfish thing. just this. ] Would you make me a murder shark if I asked you to?

[splinten]

[A pause. Why does Dave want a murder shark.

Right, the hypothetical to Rose.

No, the question still stands.]

If you asked me for a murder shark, my immediate response would be, "What the fuck, why is my brother who won't even let me kill creepy aliens asking for a murder shark?" Then I'd have to deal with getting you unpossessed, or getting rid of your evil twin, or whatever it was that made you decide murder sharks were a thing.

[parodeity]

Ok but like if I wanted one to like, fight enemies for me so I didn't have to fight stuff.

[ there are potential benefits to a murder shark? ]

[splinten]

That's a reasonable request. I'd build you that shark and give it a theme song.

[see, THAT is what a murder shark is good for]

[parodeity]

See, I told her I was pretty sure you would build me a murder shark.

[ HE'D JUST HAVE TO WORD IT PROPERLY. ]

[splinten]

I'd obviously program it to be discerning. It isn't like I'd build you a shark that might accidentally target and kill Hotaru or something. But I trust you to use any sharks under your command responsibly for the good of all.

And also probably for Sharknado remakes after you see that.

[like he knows that dave's going to be awful after]

[parodeity]

You shouldn't. I'm not the most trustworthy dude around right now.

[ or well he doesn't trust himself but honestly. he would never sic a murder shark on Anyone, from hotaru to komaeda. so. ]

When?

[splinten]

I trust you with the well-being of everyone on the base. I know you'd protect even the people you don't like and trust. So yeah, I'd make you a shark.

[Dirk knows Dave is a good person, even if he doesn't believe it himself. Dirk has absolute faith in that.]

Whenever?

[A. Pause. He looks down at their hands.]

After I. Hm.

[A glance up.]

When you mentioned the cords, you were asking me to move into the tower. I didn't read that wrong.

[parodeity]

I...no? I was just askin' when you wanted to. Do that.

[ it was not a "when" to sharknado.

dave could possibly stand to be more clear in what he says and asks. it occurs to him that they went months before dirk said "i love you" and longer still without saying other important things straight out.

he takes a steadying breath, and instead of going in for metaphors or speaking around the topic, tries for clarity. ]

I want you to move into the tower with me. Will you?

[ there. an explicit offer. which he cannot take back or pretend he didn't make. it's no less terrifying than he thought it would be. ]

[splinten]

[He definitely thought it was a when on Sharknado. Which, for a second Dave can see Dirk tense up, not his hand but just this freeze at no, a misreading, him thinking that means Dave doesn't want to move in. It unwinds when Dave asks, except it's still tight in his chest and he can't answer for a second because breathing is not, in fact, a skill he has truly mastered apparently.

It is indeed his turn to be pathetic. Simultaneously.]

Please. Yes?

[Good job he got words out there.]

[parodeity]

[ it was a "no" to having misread things, before dave decided maybe he should say it in a way that couldn't be misread. even the affirmative doesn't make him any less terrified, but - asking straight out was probably good? or saying yes?

as ever dave can't actually decide if he approves or disapproves of the honesty involved but. okay. ]

Okay, uh. When? Would you want to. Do that.

[splinten]

Right.

[That is also a choice to be made. They are so fucking awkward. Think logically, Strider.]

I won't need too long to move my stuff. I should probably like... tell the relevant parties and give it a couple days instead of just moving on notice.

Would. Two days from now work? [Making it the twelfth, which is convenient. He will want to be around Dave once things start getting Dangerous so.]

[parodeity]

[ a shrug. ]

Whenever works. But, uh. Hm.

[ he has to ask another dumb question here. god. or he could...not ask it. no come on this should be easy ]

What are your plans for the rest of the day?

[splinten]

Okay, so I'll move in on the twelfth.

[He is pretty sure making a set date, and therefore firm and official, is a helpful thing for them both.]

No plans. I was just going to fill the afternoon with work.

[parodeity]

Oh.

[ a brief struggle to determine if "work" or "no plans" matters more here. give him a second. ]

Um. Important work?

[ conclusion: he's not sure. ]