parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 2.0;

Okay, cool.

[A pause. The three minutes (however much time) grace is up.]

It might be worth discussing the tower thing from your end.

Do we gotta?

[ the complaint isn't serious because he knows...they probably do have to. the question is where to start. ]

What about it do you wanna know? [ when in doubt: just ask dirk what he wants to know. ]

We're not obliged to. Doing it, however, is probably a mistake.

[Since, you know. Feelings.]

We can start with how it helps you. Or, uh, if it doesn't.

It was always goin' to help me. I knew that from the start?

[ he just super...still considers it extremely selfish. but maybe it's okay if dirk is being selfish too? and maybe (definitely) dave is extremely tired. ]

That was never an issue. Like, it would definitely be way better for my mental and physical well-bein'. I knew that.

Right. [There's a pause.] Okay, let's try this again. What part of your feelings on this do you want to talk about least?

[there we go]

The selfish part.

[ THAT he can answer immediately. ]

Or the bein' afraid part. They're tied for last place. Like there's a country fair for the best sheep and they're just scrawny fuckin' things with wool all over the place and not the nice curly soft kind but kinky shit that grows in patches.

As someone who has never seen a sheep in my life, I'll take them both.

[The metaphor is hilarious, honestly. Why is Dirk so amused by it.]

It's selfish because it could hurt people, and it's frightening because you're worried I'll leave.

[ dirk stop having dave's exact sense of humor no one deserves that fate ]

Your call, dude. You could pick one of the sheep that doesn't look like a complete trainwreck, though. The ones that could get through the obstacle course without hand holding?

[ are there...obstacle courses for sheep at fairs???? dave isn't sure. whatever. ]

But yeah. Though it's - selfish for other reasons, too. [ he doesn't want to confirm it's scary because dirk could be there and then just change his mind so dave doesn't respond to that, but dirk nailed it. ]

Why would I do that? Come on, man. A sheep gettin' through that course courtesy of a guiding hand is some prime giffable material here. You're going to get this on the local news. I am taking the news sheep.

[They need to stop being like this.]

What other reasons? [Since the other one seems to be confirmed.]

That's only if the sheep is like, memecute and you know it. These sheep are not meme worthy. They look like sheep would look if they regularly did coke and had late night parties nonstop? They're the sheep who have had a hard fuckin' time, who you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley 'cause they'd def kill you a little bit.

[ this conversation needs to not ]

Just...genuinely selfish ones? [ which is why he least wanted to talk about this. dave's thumb absently starts tapping out a beat on the back of dirk's hand. why is he annoying. ] I just...want you there.

You're sayin' that like I can't take care of myself against a couple of cokehead sheep. I can absolutely deal with some sheep from the wrong side of the barn.

[ok it needs to but it's going to keep happening]

Oh. [There's a pause.] Fully aware of what this says about my character, I should probably let you know that it is reassuring to me when you decide I'm something you feel selfishly about.

You've never met sheep from the wrong side of the barn or you wouldn't be makin' such outrageous claims. They have teeth, Dirk. They'd shred you in like, three seconds flat. I am absolutely sayin' you couldn't take yourself against cokehead sheep. You're not enough of a dog person. Jade could totally take 'em.

[ i hate this

dave just kind of gives one of his more self-deprecating laughs. ]

You shouldn't feel that way? I mean - it's kind of really fucked up to want to monopolize someone's time, even a little bit. Which - it's not really "a little bit". [ he's done it to rose, too, trying to tag along on her dates or whatever but he's at least never dragged her away from an entire base full of people? she'd offered to let him, but he'd managed not to agree. ]

I am basically dating a dog. I think I can handle a sheep.

[he hears the laugh, but... he shrugs.]

Probably, yeah. But that's the kind of fucked up that I am myself. We've passed the baton of hypocrisy back and forth several times before, but in this case, I don't have objections. In my experience, it's okay to be that kind of selfish if the other person feels the same way.

[ he's kind of just giving dirk that look again, like he's not sure he believes dirk is a real live person saying these things for real. despite the fact dave not five minutes ago told dirk he didn't care how clingy he got it's. different??? if it's the other way around??? ]

You're just...okay with it.

[Two for one, and enough that Dave drops the sheep conversation. He really must be shocked.]

Yeah. I'm okay with it.

Edited 2017-01-14 05:06 (UTC)

[ well. at some point they had to flip back to dave feeling like the pathetic one. it should be dirk's turn again soon??? this is so stupid??? ]

I'm allowed to be selfish about this?

[ just this one thing. just to clarify. he has not stopped giving dirk the weird this feels like a trap look. ]

Yes. [It's getting redundant but. It's probably good to say it, so.] You're allowed to be selfish about this.

Then...okay.

[ maybe eventually he'll believe it without the affirmations. maybe someday dirk will believe dave doesn't mind him being selfish or clingy about the same shit, too. that day will probably not be today for either of them, but. ]

I feel safer around you. It's easier to sleep - I mean, when sleep was more than a daydream I had sometimes, and a thing I actually did on the regular - and relax, and - I like just...being around you. You were the major reason the base ever qualified as "home" and the word didn't mean somethin' terrible, before it went to shit.

[ despite saying "no" every time until now, dave had been aware that having dirk around would make him feel better and help him in a lot of stupid ways and a lot of important ones. ]

[Dirk listens, and he's ready for it. He isn't shocked like Dave, not when he has been putting together these pieces. But he gives Dave's hand a brief squeeze.]

So... we feel the same way? Hand-me-down sweater, no holes, goddamned cashmere for the fabric. We feel better livin' in the same space.

[ for a wonder, dave returns the hand squeeze. ]

Yeah. Full-price Kohls quality. [ he's still not totally okay with the idea of hurting other people, but - maybe if he makes this his one selfish thing. just this. ] Would you make me a murder shark if I asked you to?

[A pause. Why does Dave want a murder shark.

Right, the hypothetical to Rose.

No, the question still stands.]

If you asked me for a murder shark, my immediate response would be, "What the fuck, why is my brother who won't even let me kill creepy aliens asking for a murder shark?" Then I'd have to deal with getting you unpossessed, or getting rid of your evil twin, or whatever it was that made you decide murder sharks were a thing.

Ok but like if I wanted one to like, fight enemies for me so I didn't have to fight stuff.

[ there are potential benefits to a murder shark? ]

That's a reasonable request. I'd build you that shark and give it a theme song.

[see, THAT is what a murder shark is good for]

See, I told her I was pretty sure you would build me a murder shark.

[ HE'D JUST HAVE TO WORD IT PROPERLY. ]

I'd obviously program it to be discerning. It isn't like I'd build you a shark that might accidentally target and kill Hotaru or something. But I trust you to use any sharks under your command responsibly for the good of all.

And also probably for Sharknado remakes after you see that.

[like he knows that dave's going to be awful after]

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