WEEK ONE: WEDNESDAY, THE POOL

[parodeity]

[ so. assuming dirk is still keeping to the schedule, he will find dave skipped dinner tonight but does show up at the poolside around eight, his hands in his pockets and looking...

even more neutral than ever? or. kind of scattered. it's hard to read him still, probably, but he mostly looks about two seconds from jumping the fuck off of something tall.

his first question is: ]

If I ask you to lie to everyone for me, will you. English included.

[ hey what's up how are you today dirk ]

Comments

[parodeity]

Maybe.

[ not encouraging but he hasn't pulled away yet. so there's...that? he still hasn't fucking explained why he's clinging to dirk, who he still...well, doesn't love? he isn't sure if it's like, either. it's not even familiar, because there is nothing familiar about this scenario.

but he can't really ask the other people he speaks to for this sort of thing, because he is supposed to be stronger than this.

at least that illusion was already shattered for dirk. ]

Are you sure you don't want anythin' in return.

[splinten]

All kinds of sure, dude.

[He wants Dave safe but he knows it's something he can't get. He wants to be there for Dave but he knows it's something he has to take as it is offered to him. So he wants nothing, and keeps Dave close, and in a way relaxes into this stupid Strider cling.]

[parodeity]

If I have somethin' to give you, even?

[ cool. they're on the floor of the clinic and - ]

We gotta get back. Curfew.

[splinten]

Then give it to me if you want to, or don't if you don't. No debts on this.

[Ah yes. Curfew.]

We've got a little time.

[They met at 8 and curfew is at midnight so PROBABLY they can afford to do this a little longer if needed.

Also I forgot to mention it but this emotional conversation has probably been punctuated by awkward horrorterror dust coughs.]

[parodeity]

I wouldn't give it to you without any of this shit bein' a thing. But does that really make it a thing you do not want?

[ oh my god. great. the horrorterror dust coughs kind of cinch it. dave...pulls back, although he doesn't stand up from the floor. he fiddles with the hem of his shirt out of awkward nerves. ]

[splinten]

[God these awkward idiots. Dirk swallows down another cough.]

I probably do want it, given everything that's going on here and your general reticence about everything. What I'm tryin' to say is—[HACK COUGH CTHULHU PHLEGM]—there ain't a debt, at least not from my perspective. You're free to make whatever choice settles things how you'd be most comfortable with them. If that means giving me whatever,, sure, I'll take it. But if you figure you'll regret it, then we're cool without.

[parodeity]

I regret a lot of my life choices.

[ like. in general. that happens. still - he doesn't hesitate a second longer and figures dirk has put up with enough tonight to get something.

dave strider reaches up and removes his shades, because he figures that has to fucking count, somehow. it's not like he's incapable of it, but he hates doing it, doesn't like being asked to do it, and prefers to avoid the fuck out of it.

his eyes are red with pale lashes, and there are probably shadows under them but like. what is sleeping normally. ]

[splinten]

[Dirk's startled and he stares at them, eyes wide and surprised behind his own shades (put in place by Dave, and he's noticed how Dave doesn't like to take them off, but—) and he takes in the colour more than the shadows although they mirror Dirk's own, the same-but-different. It's font colours, of course, they are all stupidly their font colours, and he's seen Dave's font so he knows but—]

Thank you.

[Because he has wanted to see those eyes.

Because he knows that it means a lot to Dave to show them, even if he doesn't know why.]

[parodeity]

Sorry about tonight. [ for making dirk agree to lie, and the cough he hasn't been able to shake, for not really completely trusting dirk because he's got about a week against thirteen (fourteen) years, for not having a better backup plan in place.

for knowing he'll do something stupid next week, too. ]

...And thanks. [ he shoves the shades back on after that, still somehow hesitant and unsure, but at least if he dies sometime in the future he maybe had to have made up for some of it. maybe.

(he knows it isn't enough, but he can't make himself do otherwise) ]

[splinten]

[Dirk doesn't say, 'Sorry for your entire childhood,' but it's one of the weights that hangs on him and it's probably why he'll take so much of this from Dave. The desperation to have any kind of connection doesn't help. He doesn't get up yet, or pull away. His cough isn't really going to die any time soon, he thinks.]

It's okay.

[To both of those, maybe.]

[parodeity]

I didn't mean to keep up the trend of saddlin' you with my failures.

[ like. since bro had to used to pick up his slack, he means, but he isn't clear. ]

[splinten]

I—what? [He does not. Understand?] This isn't that. [And 'trend' makes no sense unless it's in reference to the alternate universe him but Dirk doesn't know exactly how.]

[parodeity]

I should've been able to handle it on my own?

[ THE...FIGURING OUT WHAT THE FUCK TO DO ABOUT HIS BROKEN FINGERS, which: how, but also. ]

[splinten]

[Well. There's a little frown, and also:]

I was grateful for the chance to do something helpful for you instead of something harmful. So it's okay.

[parodeity]

You specifically ain't done anything harmful to me so far.

[ ... ]

Like, arm bruise aside, but that was whatever. [ he only corrects that part so dirk doesn't argue about it first. and like. it's factually true? so far dirk has done jack shit to him.

it still somehow fails to make it easier. ]

[splinten]

You just referencing a thing that could only possibly be in reference to your Bro. You can't count him as me and then not let me do the same, dude.

[He has yet to learn how hypocritical Dave is. It's a young, naive Dirk we have here.

Also are they just sitting on the floor for this. Idiots.]

[parodeity]

I can when you ain't ever done the shit he did to anyone.

[ he's a hypocrite and will do what he damn well pleases?

also yeah they are. ]

[splinten]

You don't know that. Like, okay, I don't either, at least not all of it, but the point is—the point—

[A coughing fit interrupts the point. When he recovers:]

I don't think of this as you saddlin' your failures on me, in no small part because it doesn't feel like being saddled with anything, but also because I don't even know what the supposed failure was. I'm just grateful that I was able to give you some kind of assist when you needed one.

[parodeity]

So what's the worst thing you've ever done to a person?

[ oh my god let dirk's throat rest ]

[splinten]

[Dave why are you like this. Dirk legit stares and UNSURPRISINGLY his mind blanks out in front of this sudden question. This is unusual for him, because ordinarily he can think of about one hundred terrible things he has done to a person.]

I... uh...

[HELPFUL COUGHING FIT TO THE RESCUE he'll think of something after hacking up his lungs

Okay, yeah, there. It cleared his throat not so well, but his brain feels a little less blank.]

I think probably the worst thing I ever did was manipulate Jake into dating me. The whole thing was an unmitigated disaster for which I am entirely to blame, and we don't even have the space we need to sort out the mess I made of us here.

[parodeity]

[ ok, but: ]

How?

[splinten]

[Why. Does Dave keep asking these really hard questions. Dirk kinda makes a noise because??? He forces himself to gather together the thoughts.]

There are a lot of complicated factors involved, including my auto-responder and the way me and Jake engaged with each other, but mostly it comes down to giving him a false idea of who I was, like making him think I was actually a cool, funny, competent person instead of the reality, and then kinda positioning it so that he never was able to reject me out of hand because he couldn't tell if my flirtations were ironic or not. Jake's a really good dude, and in the end, when we came into the game on a decapitated corpse-smooch, I think he just accepted he should date me because he thought of me as a friend and felt an obligation to answer the desires I'd hinted at.

[In Dirk's opinion, the worst thing Dirk has ever done is make his friends think he isn't a terrible person. A logically brilliant argument.

At this point, he hasn't actually had the space to reflect on some of the other things he has done, and most of the guilt is focused in around that feeling that he isn't good enough to deserve his friends. The real problems with Brobot haven't really hit him without fully understanding Dave's experiences, and his complicated relationship with the AR is too difficult to untangle for a question like this. What he can't stop thinking about is that, and to him his crimes against Jake are the worst because while he couldn't give Roxy what she wanted and blocked Jane from what she wanted, he is certain that he forced Jake to think he wanted a thing he didn't really want, and that's unconscionable.]

The worst thing is, when I dumped him I made him think it was his fault, when it was really just my suffocatin', obnoxious personality that drove him away.

[parodeity]

[








yeah wait jake's a guy wtf. ]

And that's it. Your worst thing.

[ even aside from the way dave draws back and stands up, uncertain if he really wants to think about that too hard, it's.

kind of laughable?

it is probably something really, really serious to dirk. it's probably an actually serious issue. it just kind of doesn't really fucking compare to even a "good" day with bro and when dave stands he kind of surveys dirk with a sort of amused confusion. like, that's it. the worst thing he can think of that he's ever done to a person.

it kind of makes it really fucking clear dirk has absolutely no idea what he's talking about when he keeps trying to apologize for shit he never did to dave. ]

[splinten]

[Dirk sees Dave draw back and he isn't sure if Dave has just decided to reject him out of hand. He isn't sure if it is the worst thing. Maybe the AR's the worst. He doesn't know.

He gets up, his eyes glancing away under his shades.]

i mean, I murdered a dude once, but he was trying to kill me and Roxy, and I am not particularly remorseful about it.

[He puts his hands in his pockets, feeling over one palm. There probably will be a bruise, but the cough is much more annoying.]

I'm well aware that it isn't the same as whatever went down with you. Like I said, I don't know the details. What I do know is that I'm controlling, self-justifying, and demanding. Those traits shouldn't be left unchecked and then given a child to look after.

[parodeity]

You ain't even halfway there.

[ less than that, even. dave can't understand the difference, and he isn't sure he's going to be able to.

maybe if he could he'd be able to trust dirk. ]