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WEEK ONE: WEDNESDAY, THE POOL
[ so. assuming dirk is still keeping to the schedule, he will find dave skipped dinner tonight but does show up at the poolside around eight, his hands in his pockets and looking...
even more neutral than ever? or. kind of scattered. it's hard to read him still, probably, but he mostly looks about two seconds from jumping the fuck off of something tall.
his first question is: ]
If I ask you to lie to everyone for me, will you. English included.
[ hey what's up how are you today dirk ]
even more neutral than ever? or. kind of scattered. it's hard to read him still, probably, but he mostly looks about two seconds from jumping the fuck off of something tall.
his first question is: ]
If I ask you to lie to everyone for me, will you. English included.
[ hey what's up how are you today dirk ]
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[ he Does Not Buy It. ]
I won't fuckin' bother you about this shit again, okay? This was a one-off. We're fine on our own.
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[ and who really cares if it's just a line dave refuses to allow dirk to cross? there are too many reasons to count, but chief among them is the bone-deep belief that if push comes to shove he will not be able to trust this brother-shaped person. not beyond a certain point, which he shoved up against today. ]
After this week's execution we can just...stop. You focus on your team, I'll focus on mine.
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[ dave strider does not get a guardian who gives a fuck. it's against the rules. and if he does get one, it's definitely not going to be to the degrees rose and john and jade got it. ]
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[He isn't Dave's guardian. He isn't that.]
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[He makes a noise of frustration, which you know. Cough!]
I haven't even asked you to trust me. I've told you you could but I haven't expected it, I've just been grateful for every damn opportunity I've been given to help.
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[ THOUGH HE...PROCEEDS TO NOT EXPLAIN... ]
And this is the last time I'll ask you for shit. [ because of the trust, because dirk has a cough still and that's on dave, because -
because maybe dirk will do better at surviving if he isn't caught up in the wreckage of whatever this is. ]
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[Quietly, but not angrily.]
Does that mean you won't see me anymore? [Their eight o'clock awkward hangouts.]
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it still catches in his throat before he says: ]
Sunday'll be the last time. [ and then...what? he proves his own point right just so he doesn't have to think about it? but it's not really important what dave does or doesn't want. there are bigger concerns, like...
the well-being of pretty much everyone who isn't him. except maybe this is the wrong move there, too. logistically he should at least keep asking about the photos, to see if there's anything new to learn, but it's - hard. it's hard, because he wavers and he'll be no use to anyone if he relies on dirk and then it breaks. ]
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I'll still wait for you there. If you change your mind.
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the same impulse that has him prod an open wound is telling him to burn this bridge to the ground before dirk can do it first. ]
Neither of us trusts the other. It's better this way.
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[And he will wait that long. Just as he promised, he will wait there every day, for an hour from eight until nine, doing nothing but slumping up against the pool shed and maybe sketching on some paper (art is its kind of construction) or just staring into nothing. He will wait.]
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[Literally until he dies.]
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Come or don't come, I'll be there. The offer isn't going to go away.
[He lets go when he thinks the excessive gesticulating will be over.]
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It doesn't mean anythin' when it's this. [ or maybe it does, but he just - can't let it. ] You're too -
[ and he doesn't know how to finish the sentence, doesn't know how much is too much to say or give away, but dave does know that if he sets things aflame maybe at least - something? god he misses rose maybe she'd put words to everything he's feeling and that would make all those things better somehow. ]
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You're too much. [ too much he has always wanted and needed and never acknowledged because no ] And I could love you, and it's too much, because I can never, ever trust you.
[ not here and now, with things as they are, because he will lose every time if he has to compete against anyone else, and dave knows it. ]
So I can't take you up on - this. Because you are going to completely wreck me. [ and maybe that wouldn't fucking matter if he didn't give a damn about anyone else, but he does. ] I know exactly where I stand. Please don't pretend it's anythin' more than what it is.
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Dirk's eyes widen behind his shades because it's everything he has ever wanted to hear and be worthy of, it's everything. because it's all he could ask for and Dave is telling him he can't have it.
His mouth opens, breathless. His lips half-form the word please but he doesn't ask it.
What he says, when he finds his voice, is simply this:] Come or don't come. I'll be there.
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I can't do it again. I'm not gonna take what little I can get and pretend it ain't gonna fuck me up somethin' terrible. Maybe if we weren't here, I could. But I can't do it again and function. I can't be your afterthought.
[ and he has promised thrice that he will be the knight he's supposed to be. he can't fuck himself up and fail that. he takes a breath, and makes himself say the words: ]
Changed my mind. Let's make tonight the last time. I'll go back separate.
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[That comes out harder than anything because he doesn't want to be abandoned and he doesn't want to be alone but more than that he doesn't want Dave to have that lie in his head.]
You're who I was waitin' for half my life.
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