WEEK ONE: WEDNESDAY, THE POOL

[parodeity]

[ so. assuming dirk is still keeping to the schedule, he will find dave skipped dinner tonight but does show up at the poolside around eight, his hands in his pockets and looking...

even more neutral than ever? or. kind of scattered. it's hard to read him still, probably, but he mostly looks about two seconds from jumping the fuck off of something tall.

his first question is: ]

If I ask you to lie to everyone for me, will you. English included.

[ hey what's up how are you today dirk ]

Comments

[splinten]

It isn't.

[And he will wait that long. Just as he promised, he will wait there every day, for an hour from eight until nine, doing nothing but slumping up against the pool shed and maybe sketching on some paper (art is its kind of construction) or just staring into nothing. He will wait.]

[parodeity]

We can't trust one another. [ he just keeps repeating that like some kind of mantra, but it's true to him. can't trust dirk, can't trust dirk, can't trust dirk. ] I'll show up for the rest of the week but after Sunday it's off. And you just...do whatever you're gonna do to keep yourself and English intact, and I'll handle myself.

[splinten]

I don't care [and it's a stupid outburst but it's full of feeling] I still want this. I'm going to be there and I'm going to wait.

[Literally until he dies.]

[parodeity]

Well I do! I can't do - this! [ he gestures between them too hard and okay right broken fingers don't wave your hands around, dumbass. ] I can't do this halfway bullshit where I can't trust you when people are gonna fuckin' die and I need someone on my damn side!

[splinten]

[He grabs Dave's hand and it's gentle again—it's to stop that careless waving around that's only going to hurt him more.]

Come or don't come, I'll be there. The offer isn't going to go away.

[He lets go when he thinks the excessive gesticulating will be over.]

[parodeity]

[ dave does jerk back this time, though, whether or not it's going to injure his hand further. ]

It doesn't mean anythin' when it's this. [ or maybe it does, but he just - can't let it. ] You're too -

[ and he doesn't know how to finish the sentence, doesn't know how much is too much to say or give away, but dave does know that if he sets things aflame maybe at least - something? god he misses rose maybe she'd put words to everything he's feeling and that would make all those things better somehow. ]

[splinten]

[He doesn't fight it because he doesn't want to hurt Dave anymore. He doesn't speak, either.]

[parodeity]

[ at least dave just kind of cradles his hand against his chest and doesn't wave it around any longer? ]

You're too much. [ too much he has always wanted and needed and never acknowledged because no ] And I could love you, and it's too much, because I can never, ever trust you.

[ not here and now, with things as they are, because he will lose every time if he has to compete against anyone else, and dave knows it. ]

So I can't take you up on - this. Because you are going to completely wreck me. [ and maybe that wouldn't fucking matter if he didn't give a damn about anyone else, but he does. ] I know exactly where I stand. Please don't pretend it's anythin' more than what it is.

[splinten]

['And I could love you.'

Dirk's eyes widen behind his shades because it's everything he has ever wanted to hear and be worthy of, it's everything. because it's all he could ask for and Dave is telling him he can't have it.

His mouth opens, breathless. His lips half-form the word please but he doesn't ask it.

What he says, when he finds his voice, is simply this:] Come or don't come. I'll be there.

[parodeity]

[ dave shakes his head, backing up. ]

I can't do it again. I'm not gonna take what little I can get and pretend it ain't gonna fuck me up somethin' terrible. Maybe if we weren't here, I could. But I can't do it again and function. I can't be your afterthought.

[ and he has promised thrice that he will be the knight he's supposed to be. he can't fuck himself up and fail that. he takes a breath, and makes himself say the words: ]

Changed my mind. Let's make tonight the last time. I'll go back separate.

[splinten]

You aren't an afterthought.

[That comes out harder than anything because he doesn't want to be abandoned and he doesn't want to be alone but more than that he doesn't want Dave to have that lie in his head.]

You're who I was waitin' for half my life.

[parodeity]

Always have been. [ an afterthought. not whoever dirk was waiting for, because that person isn't dave. they have his name, maybe, but he can't really be who anyone was waiting for because...well, he's dave.

he has never once won in a competition between anything else and himself for bro. it's impossible to shove away that mindset in less than a week, when he's stressed the fuck out. ]

Always will be. I gotta go. [ he can't flashstep but he does start heading off, unable to explain himself further than he's tried. the burning desire to leave before he's left is one he can't shake, because he is frankly terrified of dirk; of the music-trading and how dirk helped him tonight and how he keeps seeing himself instead of bro, and how absolutely none of it can be his because he can't let it be. ]

[splinten]

[He doesn't chase after Dave. He just says,]

I know what you're scared of and I get it. But I spent sixteen years waitin' for you, and I won't stop now.

[He'll be there every night, except trial nights as he said where their meeting hour is occupied by the room. Dave can run but it won't be Dirk that drops the line of faith.]

[parodeity]

[ dave doesn't reply. unfortunately, he is exactly in the sort of mindset where he will drop the line of faith he never actually believed in anyway. ]