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[parodeity]

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[splinten]

[Dirk comes home, Squarewave and Wiz are happy wherever they are, and Dave has a kitten.]

Oh, thank fuck. I thought you were gettin' into some kind of trouble.

[parodeity]

[ congratulations dave fucking jolts in place he was thoroughly Distracted. but it's not a bad jolt so much as "shit someone snuck in" but the someone is obviously dirk. no one else is allowed, so ? ]

What, why? [ give it a second. ] Oh right Naoko. Uh, I got distracted?

[ the cat wanted to play he's weak. ]

[splinten]

You got a cat. Is this the trial run, or is this cat a permanent addition to our Tower of the Bizarre?

[parodeity]

I already did the trial runs when you weren't around.

[ because

that was clearly a thing he had to be top fucking secret about, why this dave ]

Unless you don't get along with him??

[ get along with the cat, dirk. ]

[splinten]

[............]

You did them when I wasn't around? When?

[parodeity]

Whenever you left the tower since we talked about it.

[ this seems needlessly complex and stupid to do in secret ]

I extended the time as needed.

[ oh cool it can get more needlessly complex and stupid ]

[splinten]

Why.

[parodeity]

...In case it didn't work out??

[ look ]

And it gave me somethin' to do while you weren't around.

[ which was. cat auditions, apparently. ]

Do you like him. [ dirk has yet to express an opinion on the kitten who is...basically just attacking dave's right foot but whatever. ]

[splinten]

Should have seen that answer comin'.

[That's so Dave. Sigh.]

He's unbearably adorable. What's his name?

[parodeity]

Macklemeow.

[ he moves his foot to gently topple the kitten a little so there is some give to the pitched fight said kitten was already losing. his foot gets bitten but that is basically nothing on sword cuts and the like so dave doesn't remotely react.

WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP LETTING DAVE NAME THINGS ]

[splinten]

That's hilarious.

[Dirk's sense of humour is Dave's so this tragedy just has to be allowed to happen.]

Do we have food for him? Toys, litter box on every floor. Whatever else cats need.

[parodeity]

[ dirk you're useless ]

Food and toys. One litter box. I can get more? If Rose cat sits a mission would be ok though.

[



this sounds stupid, but dave also didn't really go on missions when the magister was really young unless rose or someone else was stationed with the magister? so? ]

[splinten]

Your call. It's important to look after your new cat.

[parodeity]

She would enjoy psychoanalyzin' him. I'm not jokin', btw, she used to do sessions for Jaspers.

[ would he really put a kitten through this? yes. ]

What areas were pingin' anomalies, or is it just "fuck around and see what's up"?

[splinten]

That doesn't surprise me.

[Rose is a good kid.]

There were a few, but she mentioned the Aurora to me specifically.

[parodeity]

Better than the Narcissus. [ fuck that ship tbqh. ]

Yeah, okay. I'm in. Tomorrow or later today or what?

[ he stops macklemeow attacking his foot so he can scoop the kitten up and into his lap. his fingers get attacked, too. ]

[splinten]

[Dirk is like. Resisting giving cat-raising advice. He has never raised a cat?? he has no place to give advice. and yet his brain wants to make suggestions. why must he be like this he hates himself so much.]

Tomorrow? I know you have that Sunday thing.

[parodeity]

[ dirk just give the advice? though dave seems perfectly fine letting the kitten attack him and vaguely playing in return? he could grab a toy but that would require moving. ]

Sure. I mean, I'm free 'till like one but yeah.

[ "like one" is "exactly one" but details. ]

What grand Sunday plans do you have? Will you catsit.

[ catsit his cat ]

[splinten]

[...]

You. Trust me, to catsit?

[parodeity]

This feels like some kind of trick question. You've been alone with Obama and the Magister before, it ain't like a cat's gonna be top-tier difficult. He doesn't even have maybe psychic powers.

[ ... ]

I think? Maybe Mom gave the cats psychic powers without tellin' anyone. That sounds possible?

[splinten]

He's your new cat. He's a kitten. Aren't you worried I'll teach him bad habits or somethin'?




[dirk are YOU worried]

[parodeity]

[ ..............

?????????????????? ]

What bad habits are you gonna teach a kitten? Like. All you gotta do is play with him till he passes out and make sure there's food and stuff, pretty much? And like just keep an eye on him. ...Possibly stop him from attacking your wires.

[ not...that macklemeow has tried this, obviously. clearly. ]

[splinten]

This is why you have to have clean wires, dude. [Wait. That isn't the point. The point is Dirk is afraid he can't take care of a cat.] What if I play with him wrong and he learns to be vicious?

[surprise: Dirk Strider is Scared he would be a monster at Parenting

you know, because he was]

[parodeity]

[ ok. dave could just laugh at him, but as the person dirk strider has actually parented, he takes the concern seriously.

like, he still thinks it's kind of a bullshit concern but it's an important one to dirk, so. dirk gets a measured look as dave actually contemplates what he's going to say. what he goes with is: ]

Rose gave me a feather on some string on a stick? That one is easy.

[ maybe if he just suggests simple options for play that dirk can obsessively stick to it will pan out. he's pretty sure (?) dirk wouldn't do anything intensely weird with a kitten mostly out of his whole sheer paranoia re: taking care of anything thing, but. ]

Uh, there's a laser pointer, too. You just kinda move them around, and don't do it at our normal speeds? Do you want to try 'em while I'm still here. Also fuck you re wires, mine are fine. [ BECAUSE DIRK TIDIES THEM, PROBABLY ]

[splinten]

Yes please.

[Please verify that his skills in caring for this precious small life are not going to result in disaster. Please train him in Cat.

also]

I tidy your wires is why.