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[parodeity]

TELEPATHY | TEXT | VOICE | VIDEO | ACTION

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[splinten]

[Dirk is like. Resisting giving cat-raising advice. He has never raised a cat?? he has no place to give advice. and yet his brain wants to make suggestions. why must he be like this he hates himself so much.]

Tomorrow? I know you have that Sunday thing.

[parodeity]

[ dirk just give the advice? though dave seems perfectly fine letting the kitten attack him and vaguely playing in return? he could grab a toy but that would require moving. ]

Sure. I mean, I'm free 'till like one but yeah.

[ "like one" is "exactly one" but details. ]

What grand Sunday plans do you have? Will you catsit.

[ catsit his cat ]

[splinten]

[...]

You. Trust me, to catsit?

[parodeity]

This feels like some kind of trick question. You've been alone with Obama and the Magister before, it ain't like a cat's gonna be top-tier difficult. He doesn't even have maybe psychic powers.

[ ... ]

I think? Maybe Mom gave the cats psychic powers without tellin' anyone. That sounds possible?

[splinten]

He's your new cat. He's a kitten. Aren't you worried I'll teach him bad habits or somethin'?




[dirk are YOU worried]

[parodeity]

[ ..............

?????????????????? ]

What bad habits are you gonna teach a kitten? Like. All you gotta do is play with him till he passes out and make sure there's food and stuff, pretty much? And like just keep an eye on him. ...Possibly stop him from attacking your wires.

[ not...that macklemeow has tried this, obviously. clearly. ]

[splinten]

This is why you have to have clean wires, dude. [Wait. That isn't the point. The point is Dirk is afraid he can't take care of a cat.] What if I play with him wrong and he learns to be vicious?

[surprise: Dirk Strider is Scared he would be a monster at Parenting

you know, because he was]

[parodeity]

[ ok. dave could just laugh at him, but as the person dirk strider has actually parented, he takes the concern seriously.

like, he still thinks it's kind of a bullshit concern but it's an important one to dirk, so. dirk gets a measured look as dave actually contemplates what he's going to say. what he goes with is: ]

Rose gave me a feather on some string on a stick? That one is easy.

[ maybe if he just suggests simple options for play that dirk can obsessively stick to it will pan out. he's pretty sure (?) dirk wouldn't do anything intensely weird with a kitten mostly out of his whole sheer paranoia re: taking care of anything thing, but. ]

Uh, there's a laser pointer, too. You just kinda move them around, and don't do it at our normal speeds? Do you want to try 'em while I'm still here. Also fuck you re wires, mine are fine. [ BECAUSE DIRK TIDIES THEM, PROBABLY ]

[splinten]

Yes please.

[Please verify that his skills in caring for this precious small life are not going to result in disaster. Please train him in Cat.

also]

I tidy your wires is why.

[parodeity]

Yeah well I tidy your closet so it's even and you can't rag on me about it??

[ the toys come out of his sylladex, obviously. he has only a few cards in use; one is designated for his shades, since he's inside the tower, but the others have various odds and ends.

he brings out the feather-on-a-string-on-a-stick first. whatever that is called. macklemeow is immediately intrigued. there is a bell on the feather? this is great? dave gestures at the ground. ]

Sit down, dude. [ and then he will...not immediately hand dirk the stick because he figures that following their usual teaching for strifes protocol might not be a bad thing? so he'll flick the stick expertly to send the feather flying, giving the cat something to chase. dirk's always been good at memorizing dave's movements. ]

[splinten]

[Dirk sits down on the floor and, with his shades off, his studious attention can be fully witnessed. He commits all Dave does to memory, analysing the responding movements of the feather toy, and studying the reactions of Macklemeow. He treats this with basically as much seriousness as he treats his strife lessons, which is to say A Lot. He is not going to fail his brother at catsitting.]

[parodeity]

[ jfc dirk

after a few minutes of playing with the cat with the toy, which dave does casually, he will hand the stick to dirk.

what does dirk do. ]

[splinten]

[He literally repeats Dave's movements basically exactly. Have to get that down before he tries anything. IF HE DOES]

[parodeity]

Remix and freestyle a bit, bro.

[splinten]

[Freestyle it... The feather duster hangs precariously in the air, as Dirk tries to prepare himself to try his own thing here. In combat he never has problems with this. Combat is fine. But a precious feline life hangs in the balance here. He must not fail that life.

Dirk wiggles the feather before the kitten. The cat leaps for it, and no evil comes from this.]

[parodeity]

[ shockingly, tiny cats are willing to attack feathers no matter who moves them around in front of them. it's like magic.. ]

S'not so bad, right?

[ it is a little soothing to dave to just watch the cat have a blast honestly? animals always tend to calm him down these days. they have very few concerns that freak him out. obama aside. ]

[splinten]

The cat's still doing okay. Right?

[Like. He thinks the kitten is. He is being somewhat more creative with his feather waving. He needs verification that this tiny life is safe.]

How do I know when he wants petting?

[parodeity]

Yeah, look, he's still chasin' it. If he gets bored he'll just stop. You gotta let him catch the feather every so often so he has fun with it, though, like how you'd do if you were - well, playin' with a kid, I guess? Sometimes you ease up a little so they can learn the steps.

[ dave's tone is even and gentle and calm, not quite monotonous in his default state but not as full of inflection as other people might chat. more than dirk, but hey. ]

The cool thing about cats is they'll let you know when they want somethin'. If he stops tryin' to attack your hand and rubs up against you that's a good bet? And if that don't work he probably will be wantin' food. Those are like, the two big main concerns for cats. Food and affection as decided by cat.

[ ...a pause. ]

Uh, not that you should give him food every time he wants some because he will probably go shit yeah food every minute, but.

[splinten]

[Dirk does obligingly let up. This probably means a kitten latching on and viciously biting/kicking with its captured prey so Dirk is rewarded with unbearable cuteness here.]

How often do I feed him?

[He always finds Dave's voice soothing, and it's certainly working here. Plus, the cat is really cute.]

[parodeity]

I can add it to a schedule on the fridge or somethin'? That way we don't double up.

[ he figures at this point the most helpful thing he can do is put in things for dirk to follow so dirk feels less like he can fuck up? dave's not sure, but hey. ]

Probably only once while I'm out.

[splinten]

I can handle that.

[He can. He will be.... the catsitter!!!]

[parodeity]

If you freak out for any reason Rose'll be happy to assist, I'm sure. She has no plans I'm aware of today.

[splinten]

I won't freak out over catsittin'.

[he says

after doing that]

[parodeity]

[ like. dave could call him out? but again, he gets the place where this is coming from better than probably anyone. he caused that place. ]

You'll be fine. But just if you end up wantin', there are two girls who really love cats and could tell you what's up if you need a second opinion.

[splinten]

Should I bring him to them?

[The tower of Strider solitude etc etc]