subnautica ic inbox 4.0;

[parodeity]

TELEPATHY | TEXT | VOICE | VIDEO | ACTION

Comments

[splinten]

This is why you have to have clean wires, dude. [Wait. That isn't the point. The point is Dirk is afraid he can't take care of a cat.] What if I play with him wrong and he learns to be vicious?

[surprise: Dirk Strider is Scared he would be a monster at Parenting

you know, because he was]

[parodeity]

[ ok. dave could just laugh at him, but as the person dirk strider has actually parented, he takes the concern seriously.

like, he still thinks it's kind of a bullshit concern but it's an important one to dirk, so. dirk gets a measured look as dave actually contemplates what he's going to say. what he goes with is: ]

Rose gave me a feather on some string on a stick? That one is easy.

[ maybe if he just suggests simple options for play that dirk can obsessively stick to it will pan out. he's pretty sure (?) dirk wouldn't do anything intensely weird with a kitten mostly out of his whole sheer paranoia re: taking care of anything thing, but. ]

Uh, there's a laser pointer, too. You just kinda move them around, and don't do it at our normal speeds? Do you want to try 'em while I'm still here. Also fuck you re wires, mine are fine. [ BECAUSE DIRK TIDIES THEM, PROBABLY ]

[splinten]

Yes please.

[Please verify that his skills in caring for this precious small life are not going to result in disaster. Please train him in Cat.

also]

I tidy your wires is why.

[parodeity]

Yeah well I tidy your closet so it's even and you can't rag on me about it??

[ the toys come out of his sylladex, obviously. he has only a few cards in use; one is designated for his shades, since he's inside the tower, but the others have various odds and ends.

he brings out the feather-on-a-string-on-a-stick first. whatever that is called. macklemeow is immediately intrigued. there is a bell on the feather? this is great? dave gestures at the ground. ]

Sit down, dude. [ and then he will...not immediately hand dirk the stick because he figures that following their usual teaching for strifes protocol might not be a bad thing? so he'll flick the stick expertly to send the feather flying, giving the cat something to chase. dirk's always been good at memorizing dave's movements. ]

[splinten]

[Dirk sits down on the floor and, with his shades off, his studious attention can be fully witnessed. He commits all Dave does to memory, analysing the responding movements of the feather toy, and studying the reactions of Macklemeow. He treats this with basically as much seriousness as he treats his strife lessons, which is to say A Lot. He is not going to fail his brother at catsitting.]

[parodeity]

[ jfc dirk

after a few minutes of playing with the cat with the toy, which dave does casually, he will hand the stick to dirk.

what does dirk do. ]

[splinten]

[He literally repeats Dave's movements basically exactly. Have to get that down before he tries anything. IF HE DOES]

[parodeity]

Remix and freestyle a bit, bro.

[splinten]

[Freestyle it... The feather duster hangs precariously in the air, as Dirk tries to prepare himself to try his own thing here. In combat he never has problems with this. Combat is fine. But a precious feline life hangs in the balance here. He must not fail that life.

Dirk wiggles the feather before the kitten. The cat leaps for it, and no evil comes from this.]

[parodeity]

[ shockingly, tiny cats are willing to attack feathers no matter who moves them around in front of them. it's like magic.. ]

S'not so bad, right?

[ it is a little soothing to dave to just watch the cat have a blast honestly? animals always tend to calm him down these days. they have very few concerns that freak him out. obama aside. ]

[splinten]

The cat's still doing okay. Right?

[Like. He thinks the kitten is. He is being somewhat more creative with his feather waving. He needs verification that this tiny life is safe.]

How do I know when he wants petting?

[parodeity]

Yeah, look, he's still chasin' it. If he gets bored he'll just stop. You gotta let him catch the feather every so often so he has fun with it, though, like how you'd do if you were - well, playin' with a kid, I guess? Sometimes you ease up a little so they can learn the steps.

[ dave's tone is even and gentle and calm, not quite monotonous in his default state but not as full of inflection as other people might chat. more than dirk, but hey. ]

The cool thing about cats is they'll let you know when they want somethin'. If he stops tryin' to attack your hand and rubs up against you that's a good bet? And if that don't work he probably will be wantin' food. Those are like, the two big main concerns for cats. Food and affection as decided by cat.

[ ...a pause. ]

Uh, not that you should give him food every time he wants some because he will probably go shit yeah food every minute, but.

[splinten]

[Dirk does obligingly let up. This probably means a kitten latching on and viciously biting/kicking with its captured prey so Dirk is rewarded with unbearable cuteness here.]

How often do I feed him?

[He always finds Dave's voice soothing, and it's certainly working here. Plus, the cat is really cute.]

[parodeity]

I can add it to a schedule on the fridge or somethin'? That way we don't double up.

[ he figures at this point the most helpful thing he can do is put in things for dirk to follow so dirk feels less like he can fuck up? dave's not sure, but hey. ]

Probably only once while I'm out.

[splinten]

I can handle that.

[He can. He will be.... the catsitter!!!]

[parodeity]

If you freak out for any reason Rose'll be happy to assist, I'm sure. She has no plans I'm aware of today.

[splinten]

I won't freak out over catsittin'.

[he says

after doing that]

[parodeity]

[ like. dave could call him out? but again, he gets the place where this is coming from better than probably anyone. he caused that place. ]

You'll be fine. But just if you end up wantin', there are two girls who really love cats and could tell you what's up if you need a second opinion.

[splinten]

Should I bring him to them?

[The tower of Strider solitude etc etc]

[parodeity]

Yeah. He can play with their cats if you really want, too?

[ technically rose has been to the tower that one time when dave had to sit on her to keep her from going into the ocean before dirk moved in but ]

[splinten]

Socializin' is probably a thing that's a thing. How is he with Obama and Snoop?

[a pause]

And our family rappers.

[parodeity]

Obama's in hidin'. He liked watchin' Snoop and the rabbit rays swim around, and...

[ well ]

Squarewave got a little too excited and rapped a bit too loud at 'im.

[splinten]

[Oh lord.] Did he scare Macklemeow. He's only used to seagulls and they don't give a fuck.

[parodeity]

He got hella hissed at and I think his feelings were hurt? He may need lessons on like. How to interact with a tiny cat. And also Obama.

[ SQUAREWAVE PROBABLY SCARED OBAMA, TOO ]

[splinten]

Teaching him how to interact with Obama might be a lost cause. I'll talk to him about Macklemeow.

[Squarewave is an idiot. A loud, well-meaning, hilarious idiot.]

Maybe Wiz can help keep Squarewave out of trouble with them by distracting him if it comes to it. Don't want to hurt the poor dude's feelings.