parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 4.0;

[He turns it over carefully, considering. He does want to understand.] You mean... more like a human, and less like a weird uncertain robot goin' off to recharge his monotone fightbot batteries?

No. I've never thought of you as a robot, even metaphorically. [ more like: ] Less like an inaccessible guy who wants fuck all to do with me. Less like a cosmic trick.

[Ah. That makes sense.] More like something you really get to have, instead of a weird dream you'll wake up from one day.

When I don't get where your head is at it's not like I think you're about to pull a Bro on me or somethin'. Maybe way back at first but - usually I just freak a little 'cause if I don't know what you want I can't give it to you and - y'know, whatever. I don't always know the steps. I'm not sure I'm sayin' this right still. When I know what's up you seem less like a loss waitin' to happen though, yeah. You're more real.

[ he makes a face. it still feels like an inadequate explanation. ]

Is it like... the thing where you worry that you're going to mess up and lose me?

Don't you? [ that's not an answer. ] But yeah. Not that knowin' what you wants helps usually 'cause you don't like that, but like. Yeah.

I worry about it despite all evidence pointing to the contrary. It's in no small part related to my persistent and durable impression that I don't deserve you.

[He decides to answer the question because Dave deserves answers. At least Dirk thinks so.]

If it helps I'm usually sure I don't deserve you either?

[ this is clearly helpful and useful information. ]

Super helpful. [But there's a fondness and he shifts his hand to hold Dave's arm.] I do genuinely find some comfort in acknowledging the ways we're alike.

Your cup is just runnin' over right now, then. [ at least it helped. somehow. ] I should maybe give up on clarity in this instance because I'm still not sure I got what I meant across, which is like. Not unusual, but I don't think the world is endin' with it not gettin' across, so I can mostly just go "fuck me, why are words hard when you actually need 'em" since of course if you don't there's a million ready to go, you know?

Hearin' you talk about givin' up is basically in the top ten list of things I'm against. [Okay, now Macklemeow has to share because Dirk's going to lean his head on Dave.]

[ if he's just leaning on dave's arm that's fine otherwise there's disgruntled kitten mews. ] What're the other nine?

[It's his chest a bit. Sorry Macklemeow.] Do you actually want to make up a list on the spot?

[ the cat is Not Thrilled but will settle after a bit. ]

Yeah.

Is it top ten things involving you, or is this a list that's going to include clowns?

[Because he's against clowns.]

Give me both versions of the list, I guess. [ kitten or no dave is always down to self destruct ]

[Why is Dave like this. Dirk flops a little.] They're probably not going to be the best possible version of this list. I'm not... totally sure I can even do it. It doesn't really work for a list format. I'm against, broadly speaking, things that are related to you in pain or giving up. I hate everything that puts you back into your apartment. Sometimes, when we're talkin', I can tell you've been pushed back into that mindset. I tend to get pretty desperate then trying to bring you back.

That would be the reason why it worries me when you just give up on things. It isn't so bad if you're takin' a break or pulling out the time you need, since that's what you need to do and I can respect that. There's a fatalism, though, to your general mindset, which gets amplified regarding certain interpersonal issues and which concerns me.

I think it's more or less a time player requirement to be fatalistic. I could take Megido's approach, but maybe I'd have to spend more time bein' really dead first. Is that the kinda shit you mean?

I mean the kind of shit where you give up on me understandin' somethin' important to you, and just decide it isn't important.

It ain't always? I'm not sure this is important. I don't know. I don't feel desperate.

That's a difference of perspective. [He shuts his eyes.] I don't mean that as a disagreement. I'm simply pointing out that I tend to think that everything about you is important.

[ dave laughs, a little nervous and unsure. ] I dunno about that. But thanks for explainin' how you see the whole other option thing?

[Of course Dirk notices that laugh. He finds Dave's hand to hold it (the one not petting Macklemeow).] Thank you for tryin' to explain your perspective back.

And majorly failin', but what can you do. [ the cat decides to rearrange himself to basically lean against dirk's face. #blessed. dave actually laughs. ]

[....Dirk's response is ruined by fluff in his face.] Mmphfh.

(no subject)

parodeity - 2017-04-09 23:23 (UTC) - Expand