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[parodeity]

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[parodeity]

[ ...

he will start to pet the purring kitten. fine! ]

So you think you'll be ok for the pet sittin'? [ he won't bring up the regrouping because that was basically a Pause or a Dave, Why ]

[splinten]

I can manage it.

[Here comes the unpause:]

When you feel ways about different things, I try to keep it in mind. That's all.

[parodeity]

That must be pretty hard when I can't articulate what I'm feelin'.

[splinten]

It is, yeah. [like, honestly]

It's important to me to try.

[parodeity]

Don't kill yourself over it. I mean - god you know what I mean. [ maybe. ] This was still mostly a ridiculous detour you should brush off as "Dave never knows what he's doing ever".

[splinten]

Because I know what I'm doing so much better.

[He flops down beside Dave, finally.]

When you can't articulate yourself, I like to try to understand better.

[parodeity]

Sometimes I think you do. [ he doesn't reach out because the cat is in the process of demanding pets but. dave tilts his head to glance over at dirk. ] I'd ask why you like to put yourself through a thing that regularly drives me up every wall, but it's probably always the same damn answer as would be true in reverse. Maybe that's all I was gettin' at, anyway.

[splinten]

[Dirk glances back. He understands a cat takes priority; such is law.]

I don't mind waitin' for you to figure things out. Basically, I want to support you? And I know I need to get better at lettin' you support me.

[parodeity]

That might just be the easiest explanation to my little detour on sanity highway. I just like the new method better.

[splinten]

Easiest explanation is usually the one you sell me on so I don't figure out the real one.

[Just saying.]

I like this way of handlin' it too.

[parodeity]

That's not what it is. You just feel more - real.

[ it probably makes zero sense and dave realizes it, slanting his gaze away and letting it go abstract as he tries to figure out a way to say it that won't get confused or misunderstood. ]

Maybe part of the reason I think of it as lonely is because of that.

[splinten]

[It doesn't make sense to him. More real can mean a lot of things, in a lot of different contexts. He brushes his hand against Dave's arm.]

What do you mean about the more real thing?

[parodeity]

Less distant and hard to read. Not that you usually are. But you know why that's a thing. When I don't know what's goin' through your head I'm usually on a decent day able to handle it normally? In a non weird panicky way. You know the like optimal way where you do not get caught up in a maelstrom of havin' to know or Else. You just seem more...real. Less scary. This is all coming out wrong.

[splinten]

[He turns it over carefully, considering. He does want to understand.] You mean... more like a human, and less like a weird uncertain robot goin' off to recharge his monotone fightbot batteries?

[parodeity]

No. I've never thought of you as a robot, even metaphorically. [ more like: ] Less like an inaccessible guy who wants fuck all to do with me. Less like a cosmic trick.

[splinten]

[Ah. That makes sense.] More like something you really get to have, instead of a weird dream you'll wake up from one day.

[parodeity]

When I don't get where your head is at it's not like I think you're about to pull a Bro on me or somethin'. Maybe way back at first but - usually I just freak a little 'cause if I don't know what you want I can't give it to you and - y'know, whatever. I don't always know the steps. I'm not sure I'm sayin' this right still. When I know what's up you seem less like a loss waitin' to happen though, yeah. You're more real.

[ he makes a face. it still feels like an inadequate explanation. ]

[splinten]

Is it like... the thing where you worry that you're going to mess up and lose me?

[parodeity]

Don't you? [ that's not an answer. ] But yeah. Not that knowin' what you wants helps usually 'cause you don't like that, but like. Yeah.

[splinten]

I worry about it despite all evidence pointing to the contrary. It's in no small part related to my persistent and durable impression that I don't deserve you.

[He decides to answer the question because Dave deserves answers. At least Dirk thinks so.]

[parodeity]

If it helps I'm usually sure I don't deserve you either?

[ this is clearly helpful and useful information. ]

[splinten]

Super helpful. [But there's a fondness and he shifts his hand to hold Dave's arm.] I do genuinely find some comfort in acknowledging the ways we're alike.

[parodeity]

Your cup is just runnin' over right now, then. [ at least it helped. somehow. ] I should maybe give up on clarity in this instance because I'm still not sure I got what I meant across, which is like. Not unusual, but I don't think the world is endin' with it not gettin' across, so I can mostly just go "fuck me, why are words hard when you actually need 'em" since of course if you don't there's a million ready to go, you know?

[splinten]

Hearin' you talk about givin' up is basically in the top ten list of things I'm against. [Okay, now Macklemeow has to share because Dirk's going to lean his head on Dave.]

[parodeity]

[ if he's just leaning on dave's arm that's fine otherwise there's disgruntled kitten mews. ] What're the other nine?