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[parodeity]

DAVE STRIDER

consider this your warning about stairs. itll just keep happening bro. im telling you man

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[windeity]

I am afraid of scaring you away. [May as well throw that out there, too.] But I am also afraid of taking too long because you jump to conclusions before I can even say anything sometimes and I cannot really blame you but this is important.

[parodeity]

The opposite is way more likely. [ just...saying... ] And I'm tryin' not to read any of your shit right now because I'm gettin' all the wrong signals and translations. So no conclusions are being jumped to.

[ except like probably the wrong ones but WHATEVER. ]

John. It's cool. Just...do whatever you need? And this never happened 'till you say it did.

[windeity]

Some things have changed and I want to make sure this is going to be okay. That's all. I don't want to make this worse because you do not need my bullshit on top of yours.

[parodeity]

I can handle everyone else's bullshit fine. [ like.

well ]

...I understand if I am not, uh, a great soundin' board or comfort or whatever though, that is a good call. I admittedly do make things worse? It is like, a talent, only not the kind of talent that you would put on in a middle school talent show or that your parents would brag about to their friends. Although I feel like an impressive talent for well and truly fuckin' up is perhaps bragworthy. Like wow my son Jimmy he just can't do a damn thing right with his life, set him lose anywhere and he will somehow make a mess of things, even if you drop him in a cornfield in Iowa. Or a cowfield. Are there cowfields? A pasture of cows.

[windeity]

It's not you fucking up, idiot. It's me. I am going to be the one fucking up by pushing my luck and not being able to stop.

...also I think a pasture is the word you want.

[parodeity]

Pastures sound so morbid though.

[ but he's frowning and looking at john like he should be able to Get it but he just can't. ]

You've got the devil's luck, and I have never once known you not to press it and somehow come up on top anyway. It is almost annoying.

[windeity]

[...there's an off-kilter grin as he tilts his head suddenly.]

So tell me something. Do you think I should push my luck further?

[parodeity]

I am thinkin' you will eventually do so anyway regardless of my opinion? I would appreciate it if you did not engage in boss battles without prep, but otherwise I figure you will do you.

[ WHO FIGHTS A BOSS AT LEVEL ONE. ]

But also I think you should do whatever makes you happy. As long as that thing does not actually kill you, as stated two seconds ago.

[windeity]

It won't be a boss battle, probably. [There's a pause.] And if it runs the risk of hurting someone else? What then?

[parodeity]

[ ummmm. ]

What would you tell me? [ if the positions were reversed. dave's own advice to other people tends to differ from what he would tell...himself...to do... ]

[windeity]

...that's not fair, Dave. You never do anything for yourself, of course my advice to you would be to try it and that people that were worth it would understand.

[parodeity]

It might not be fair, but how they fuck would it be any different for you?

[ actually. this is skating dangerously close to kit's advice wtf. ]

Someone recently asked me if the person I was concerned about hypothetically hurting in a hypothetical situation would knowingly and willingly hurt me. And blah blah blah the best way to avoid whatever would be to head shit off at the pass, although then we got distracted. So...I don't know, do you think the people in question would actually hold shit against you?

[windeity]

Instinctively I want to say no, it would not be something that gets held against me but at the same time this is radically different and also I am not sure I would get a real answer since sometimes people involved just hold back on how they really feel about things in order to keep other people happy and that is not what I want.

[parodeity]

[ - okay, he sort of laughs. ]

That's what I said. More or less. But I think we are skirting the thing where you told me you don't want to talk about any of this, so we can...yeah. Tonight didn't happen? I would reverse it but I still can't bring myself to try.

[windeity]

[...if tonight didn't happen then there's no harm in continuing, right? He pauses, looking at Dave and he scoots a little closer, bringing his face a little closer to Dave's and he pauses again.

...no, just, kidding, that would really fuck this up. He hovers for a moment before he pulls away again. There are a few awkward beats.]

I told you I would kick your ass if you looped on your birthday.

[parodeity]

[ cool, dave just freezes in place completely, staring. his breathing entirely stopped when john leaned forward but he didn't so much as flinch or visibly react beyond stilling, and he then...

proceeds to stare, completely confused.

the fuck was that, egbert. somehow, dave doubts this is one of those things he can actually get an explanation for. tHIS IS A VERY CONFUSING EVENING WHY IS JOHN A CONFUSING HUMAN BEING ]

[windeity]

[...okay he's also just going to freeze and stare because haha. Okay. Uh. Fuck?]

...I am also seriously against ruining your birthday. [Which is kind of mumbled but. Okay.]

[parodeity]

[ they’re fine this is probably fine. it takes dave a minute to 1) breathe and 2) register he needs to say words again. ]

...you couldn’t if you tried.

[windeity]

No? [He sincerely doubts that. ...but then he speaks again.]

...what are we doing?

[parodeity]

I don’t know about “we”, but you have apparently decided to dedicate your life to slowly driving me completely insane, which should at least keep rose occupied. She will enjoy my raving in years to come.

[ so dryly said. ]

But even with that being a thing, the answer is still no. You couldn’t if you tried.

[windeity]

I will foot all of your therapy bills and everything. [Equally dryly. But okay. Back to debating.]

...do me a favor? Close your eyes for a second.

[parodeity]

I’ll need more every passin’ day as she psychoanalyzes me.

[ he shuts his eyes immediately without question as he snarks.

...then realizes john can’t fucking tell and reaches up with his right hand to pull the shades off without opening his eyes as proof they are for the moment shut, letting the shades fall into his sylladex. ]

You’re lucky I only need as much therapy as I do right now and not more?

[windeity]

Yeah, I know. I am sure Rose is thrilled though. [Ironic, actually. But he looks at Dave's face for a moment, surprised the shades are off and he pauses again. Give him time to study his face and really contemplate his choices.

Okay. He can do this? And if Dave gets mad he will figure it out…later. There's a slight inhale to prep himself, trying not to chicken out again before he scoots closer again and very carefully presses his lips to Dave's.

Like. It's pretty quick and he almost immediately backs off but at least he Tried.]

[parodeity]

[




what. well, congrats on being the first person in december to see his eyes because they are pretty immediately no longer shut as he just openly stares at john, lips parted in surprise because

what

what????

is there any other word in the English language besides what. ]

I. [ there’s one. ] What??

[ like ok John had leaned in earlier but dave thought maybe he was just crazy? ]

[windeity]

[Then cool, Dave gets to see John basically being the epitome of a deer in the headlights because he wasn't exactly expecting Dave to open his eyes?]

Uh. [Good job, idiot.] We can just...yeah. [Pretend it didn't happen if he wants? Haha well okay.]