[He doesn't know what to do with his hands. He doesn't know what to do with his hands and he's worried about his teeth suddenly, that they might get in the way, and he's almost ready to laugh at the irony of being unable to taste him or even really comprehend what's happening. There's a small shiver when Dave's hand moves and he doesn't balk but instead he shifts even closer.
It takes a few moments for his lips to part and tentatively actually move instead of just keeping his lips against Dave's and it's not that he doesn't know what he's doing. He's just unsure of the pace and the time and what Dave wants and what is and isn't too much. It makes his head spin to think about it and his hand just as tentatively moves to mirror Dave's original movement. He settles for touching his face and tilting his mouth closer to him and he's still not sure if Dave's comfortable with this but he can push his luck a little.]
[ the glasses are probably more likely to get in the way since dave had flipped his shades back out and on a minute or so ago, but it doesn't seem like dave's uncomfortable? unless you count being tense and unsure about whether or not john's going to freak out or pull away.
but john parts his lips and dave mimics the action, apparently intending to match john even if he's definitely not pushing anything further because it's easy to read uncertainty in john's body language and that's kind of a blaring sign not to push his luck.
and anyway he really hadn't wanted anything other than a simple kiss. he did not figure he could get even that so this is...
utterly strange. there's a little more pressure from his right hand at john's neck (enough that it's there instead of a ghost) but he doesn't hold john in place still and he realizes belatedly he still has the camera in his other hand but like. oh well. eal with that later. ]
[He's incredibly uncertain. He wants this and that is the part he's uncertain about because what now? Where does one go from here? He finds that if he lets his mind settle down a little it's easy to understand that he likes how things are, likes the feel of Dave's lips on his and keeping Dave's hands on his neck and that's the thing that makes him wonder what next.
Without meaning to there's an almost content sigh against Dave's mouth while his other hand comes up, both hands settling on Dave's shoulders again and fingers curling around the back of his neck.
He's still tense but he's also not willing to let Dave go yet. He's not pressing the kiss further and it's still cautious but he's a little more sure as he keeps Dave still and close to him.
They'll probably both regret the camera thing later, but alas.]
[ dave can...edit...all this out...like, who knows if he WILL, but he CAN. he has no idea what the fuck he's doing but at least he's kissed other people so he technically knows what he's doing there although it took him a minute or so to adjust to john. he's always leaned into john pretty easily once john initiates contact or doesn't shove him off, so that's happening even though john's still tense so dave's still tense but this is okay, and he absolutely does want it, and it's hard to remember why he was terrified of the idea -
and that's around when he goes completely rigid as he remembers there was at least one huge reason he wasn't supposed to kiss john egbert, lmao shit. dave doesn't pull back still but there's a clear record-scratch moment where he stops focusing because of the litany of swearing in the back of his head he fucked up and he's usually really, really careful about this kind of thing, too.
hell, he'd even warned john about it multiple times.
but john seems okay, so maybe that was stupid? but what if it just hasn't happened yet? and jfc where is troy bolton's posse to sing get your head in the game when u need them ]
[The thing is he can feel Dave go rigid and that's about when he finally pulls away giving Dave a questioning look.]
...this is still okay? [Please don't psyche yourself out, Dave. John will try not to psyche himself out, too, and he keeps his hands there and his lips are still parted as he blinks quietly.]
[Clearly I should put in for that regain, but instead he's still processing everything.]
So kissing me was stupid? [He's trying to sound mad but no, there's still a quirk of his lips anyway and his fingers carefully brush over Dave's shoulders...and his ugly sweater. Lord. But joking aside, he thinks and recalls a conversation.
"It just means you couldn't kiss me back to life, dude." "…that's what happened with you and Jade, isn't it. She remembered kissing your dead body." "And I remembered how it got that way, yeah."
His expression shifts again.] ...it's okay. I'm fine.
[ he's going to be in ugly sweaters ALL MONTH LONG get used to it egbert. dave bites his lip. ]
...Are you sure. [ do you still want to touch me is implied and maybe it shouldn't be but dave's not so hot at actually saying the things he should say or asking the things he should ask. or the things he wants to say or ask. ]
he debates asking if he can kiss john again but decides that while john has the luck of the devil dave sure does not and stalls out for a second, unsure where to go from there and worrying at his lip as he debates.
just...give him a second to figure out what he's even doing with his life. his hand didn't actually leave john's neck and his thumb rubs and absent-minded circle meant to soothe his own damn nerves. ]
[He's getting used to the idea. He's keeping his hands on Dave's shoulders and he's letting Dave take his time to think even as he gives another uncertain smile.]
...Nothing? [ or. well. it's not exactly wrong, maybe, he's just...perpetually uncertain. ] I just. Want to kiss you again, or hold your hand or. Something.
[ hug him, etc, ]
So I am trying to figure out a thing that is not that. Usually I go with "how about a joke to piss someone off". Can I interest you in disparaging remarks about your taste in movies engineered to start an argument?
[ then dave will kiss back for a brief moment without thinking about it before raising an eyebrow. ]
Matthew Mcwhateverthefuck signs on for the worst movies, but Failure to Launch actually has to take the cake? Animal humor can be ok sometimes but they stretch it. The whole "oh no, I was bitten by an animal" thing is like - there are movies where that is cool and it works for the genre, but a romcom isn't actually the place for it, or at least it was a weird tonal shift whenever it happened. Granted, the entire premise of the damn movie itself was also an uncompelling shitshow and I do not understand how you think otherwise? Like, okay, if they want to kick the kid out of the house, why don't they just do it??
[ - why has he put so much thought into this? he can keep going. ]
Oh my god, have you been planning for this? Have you just been waiting for me to say you can insult the great Matthew McConaughey so that you can go off on this particular movie?
I do not have to plan for this when the faults of that movie and also the not-so-great Matthew Mcblahdeblah? They are obvious and intrinsic and come to mind immediately?
[ like ok hear him out ]
What do you actually think is redeeming about that movie, Egbert, wow me.
I'm aware, but 90s kids all should've watched it??
[ dave you were only BARELY a 90s kid in this universe anyway.
and that wasn't an answer. ]
...I would've if this hadn't happened, so I am once we're out the door? [ does he seriously intend to pretend nothing happened until john comes up with some kind of answer or convinces dave he has to have input too. probably. ] Unless that's not. Okay? Now?
And the cartoon. [But he lets that thread of conversation drop.] It's fine. Please stay? I know it is a little weird now, considering, but...I think we both sleep easier that way?
I guess I know what we're doing next Saturday. The whole thing is on Netflix. [Yes, he seriously checked before. But he gets that Dave is stalling so he allows it. Take your time, Dave.]
[ yeah whatever it was john's turn to pick or dave doesn't really care so he just shrugs assent. he...
turns off. the camera. and stows it in his sylladex, his hand dropping from john's neck to do so, and then he reaches up to take johns hand's off his shoulders, letting them fall to the piano bench twisted in his.
he opens his mouth. pauses. lets go of one of john's hands and reaches up to shove his shades up into his hair because he'd told john once that he only bothered to do this when he didn't want to be misunderstood and he's not sure it'll help but at least he can try.
then he just goes back to holding john's hands in place on the bench between them for a minute or two. ]
You're my best friend. [ ...that wasn't where he knew he was going to start since he had no fucking clue where he was starting but it seems like the most important place to start, slow and monotonous and quiet as he forces himself to actually look john in the eyes. he pulls a face for a second because it's weird and serious and hard but then his expression smooths out into neutral. ]
We've covered the reasons I might ditch [ if it was for john's own good ] but even in those, you'd still be my best friend. Full stop. Period at the end of a telegram. Paid for it extra and all just 'cause it was that important.
[ don't get on a tangent about telegrams holy shit. he barely stops himself from doing so? ]
That hasn't changed? And the whole...everything else we do. While we can stop all those things if you ever want, which has always been true, they're not...related to this. [ or they are. but like. ] They do not have to be related to this, exactly, since we would be doing them anyway? [ um. ]
I mean [ how to put this ] that regardless of whatever. This is. Or if we ever even broach the topic again. The things I've told you I want to do are still true, if you don't mind them, or if you want them too. I don't, like. Intend to stop being your best friend just because we're...whatever the hell. So.
[ so. ]
About sleeping together, or Saturdays or Tuesdays, or whatever else. You don't have to like...ask me about them again. You're still who I want to spend that time with. Okay? And we can ignore this for forever if you want, and you can have all the time in the universe. Or whatever. It's not really important; I just...am not going anywhere. You're my best friend. Okay?
[ he's not even sure if john needed to hear that so he blows out a breath but. he tried? ]
[Dave got the patent on the poker face which means that John's expressions are pretty wide open for interpretation. He lets Dave hold his hands in place and he stares into his eyes for a moment, making sure to memorize them and almost missing the first part of what Dave says. He starts off saying that John's his best friend and he looks crestfallen for a moment like he expects Dave to turn him down after all.
But he listens. He's quiet and his hands grip onto Dave's a little but other than that he listens before..his face relaxes. His shoulders sag a little in relief and there's a tired smile his way.
Maybe he'll realize that the things they're doing are pretty much dating anyway, but that'll be another day. One step at a time. He's been terrified of messing up and even told someone else that he was more concerned about his friendship than anything else (though no names were mentioned.) He wants Saturdays and Tuesdays and falling asleep together and trying to make Dave laugh and watching him with their kitten and...
...it sounds stupid, in retrospect. This all sounds so normal and yet he needs to decide if this is safe for them to keep doing this. It's pretty clear it's what he needed to hear though and he nods.]
I'm not going anywhere either so...everything else can be figured out later. Right? [With time. After John thinks.] You're my best friend before everything else and that is why I need time.
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It takes a few moments for his lips to part and tentatively actually move instead of just keeping his lips against Dave's and it's not that he doesn't know what he's doing. He's just unsure of the pace and the time and what Dave wants and what is and isn't too much. It makes his head spin to think about it and his hand just as tentatively moves to mirror Dave's original movement. He settles for touching his face and tilting his mouth closer to him and he's still not sure if Dave's comfortable with this but he can push his luck a little.]
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but john parts his lips and dave mimics the action, apparently intending to match john even if he's definitely not pushing anything further because it's easy to read uncertainty in john's body language and that's kind of a blaring sign not to push his luck.
and anyway he really hadn't wanted anything other than a simple kiss. he did not figure he could get even that so this is...
utterly strange. there's a little more pressure from his right hand at john's neck (enough that it's there instead of a ghost) but he doesn't hold john in place still and he realizes belatedly he still has the camera in his other hand but like. oh well. eal with that later. ]
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Without meaning to there's an almost content sigh against Dave's mouth while his other hand comes up, both hands settling on Dave's shoulders again and fingers curling around the back of his neck.
He's still tense but he's also not willing to let Dave go yet. He's not pressing the kiss further and it's still cautious but he's a little more sure as he keeps Dave still and close to him.
They'll probably both regret the camera thing later, but alas.]
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and that's around when he goes completely rigid as he remembers there was at least one huge reason he wasn't supposed to kiss john egbert, lmao shit. dave doesn't pull back still but there's a clear record-scratch moment where he stops focusing because of the litany of swearing in the back of his head he fucked up and he's usually really, really careful about this kind of thing, too.
hell, he'd even warned john about it multiple times.
but john seems okay, so maybe that was stupid? but what if it just hasn't happened yet? and jfc where is troy bolton's posse to sing get your head in the game when u need them ]
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...this is still okay? [Please don't psyche yourself out, Dave. John will try not to psyche himself out, too, and he keeps his hands there and his lips are still parted as he blinks quietly.]
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[ he's always psyching himself out? currently he's freaking out about the fact john kissed him and he's worried john might remember
homestuck bullshit, since dave knows exactly who he looks like and exactly who john has kissed who looks like dave
and then after remembering that he'll clearly never want to touch dave again because his luck goes that way and
look ]
I forgot, I got stupid and -
[ vague mental hand gestures HOMESTUCK HAS RUINED KISSING FOR HIM ONCE ALREADY THIS IS A VALID CONCERN ]
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So kissing me was stupid? [He's trying to sound mad but no, there's still a quirk of his lips anyway and his fingers carefully brush over Dave's shoulders...and his ugly sweater. Lord. But joking aside, he thinks and recalls a conversation.
"It just means you couldn't kiss me back to life, dude."
"…that's what happened with you and Jade, isn't it. She remembered kissing your dead body."
"And I remembered how it got that way, yeah."
His expression shifts again.] ...it's okay. I'm fine.
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...Are you sure. [ do you still want to touch me is implied and maybe it shouldn't be but dave's not so hot at actually saying the things he should say or asking the things he should ask. or the things he wants to say or ask. ]
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Yes. It's okay.
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he debates asking if he can kiss john again but decides that while john has the luck of the devil dave sure does not and stalls out for a second, unsure where to go from there and worrying at his lip as he debates.
just...give him a second to figure out what he's even doing with his life. his hand didn't actually leave john's neck and his thumb rubs and absent-minded circle meant to soothe his own damn nerves. ]
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...what's wrong, Dave?
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...Nothing? [ or. well. it's not exactly wrong, maybe, he's just...perpetually uncertain. ] I just. Want to kiss you again, or hold your hand or. Something.
[ hug him, etc, ]
So I am trying to figure out a thing that is not that. Usually I go with "how about a joke to piss someone off". Can I interest you in disparaging remarks about your taste in movies engineered to start an argument?
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Sure. Take a crack at it.
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Matthew Mcwhateverthefuck signs on for the worst movies, but Failure to Launch actually has to take the cake? Animal humor can be ok sometimes but they stretch it. The whole "oh no, I was bitten by an animal" thing is like - there are movies where that is cool and it works for the genre, but a romcom isn't actually the place for it, or at least it was a weird tonal shift whenever it happened. Granted, the entire premise of the damn movie itself was also an uncompelling shitshow and I do not understand how you think otherwise? Like, okay, if they want to kick the kid out of the house, why don't they just do it??
[ - why has he put so much thought into this? he can keep going. ]
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Oh my god, have you been planning for this? Have you just been waiting for me to say you can insult the great Matthew McConaughey so that you can go off on this particular movie?
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[ like ok hear him out ]
What do you actually think is redeeming about that movie, Egbert, wow me.
[ so what the fuck are they doing, again ]
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Also I think it would be cool to have a boat.
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...still sleeping in my bed tonight?
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[ dave you were only BARELY a 90s kid in this universe anyway.
and that wasn't an answer. ]
...I would've if this hadn't happened, so I am once we're out the door? [ does he seriously intend to pretend nothing happened until john comes up with some kind of answer or convinces dave he has to have input too. probably. ] Unless that's not. Okay? Now?
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We can marathon the cartoon?
[ it's. not that important. just give him a second to gather his thoughts to say what the fuck he needs to say ]
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turns off. the camera. and stows it in his sylladex, his hand dropping from john's neck to do so, and then he reaches up to take johns hand's off his shoulders, letting them fall to the piano bench twisted in his.
he opens his mouth. pauses. lets go of one of john's hands and reaches up to shove his shades up into his hair because he'd told john once that he only bothered to do this when he didn't want to be misunderstood and he's not sure it'll help but at least he can try.
then he just goes back to holding john's hands in place on the bench between them for a minute or two. ]
You're my best friend. [ ...that wasn't where he knew he was going to start since he had no fucking clue where he was starting but it seems like the most important place to start, slow and monotonous and quiet as he forces himself to actually look john in the eyes. he pulls a face for a second because it's weird and serious and hard but then his expression smooths out into neutral. ]
We've covered the reasons I might ditch [ if it was for john's own good ] but even in those, you'd still be my best friend. Full stop. Period at the end of a telegram. Paid for it extra and all just 'cause it was that important.
[ don't get on a tangent about telegrams holy shit. he barely stops himself from doing so? ]
That hasn't changed? And the whole...everything else we do. While we can stop all those things if you ever want, which has always been true, they're not...related to this. [ or they are. but like. ] They do not have to be related to this, exactly, since we would be doing them anyway? [ um. ]
I mean [ how to put this ] that regardless of whatever. This is. Or if we ever even broach the topic again. The things I've told you I want to do are still true, if you don't mind them, or if you want them too. I don't, like. Intend to stop being your best friend just because we're...whatever the hell. So.
[ so. ]
About sleeping together, or Saturdays or Tuesdays, or whatever else. You don't have to like...ask me about them again. You're still who I want to spend that time with. Okay? And we can ignore this for forever if you want, and you can have all the time in the universe. Or whatever. It's not really important; I just...am not going anywhere. You're my best friend. Okay?
[ he's not even sure if john needed to hear that so he blows out a breath but. he tried? ]
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But he listens. He's quiet and his hands grip onto Dave's a little but other than that he listens before..his face relaxes. His shoulders sag a little in relief and there's a tired smile his way.
Maybe he'll realize that the things they're doing are pretty much dating anyway, but that'll be another day. One step at a time. He's been terrified of messing up and even told someone else that he was more concerned about his friendship than anything else (though no names were mentioned.) He wants Saturdays and Tuesdays and falling asleep together and trying to make Dave laugh and watching him with their kitten and...
...it sounds stupid, in retrospect. This all sounds so normal and yet he needs to decide if this is safe for them to keep doing this. It's pretty clear it's what he needed to hear though and he nods.]
I'm not going anywhere either so...everything else can be figured out later. Right? [With time. After John thinks.] You're my best friend before everything else and that is why I need time.
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