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[parodeity]

DAVE STRIDER

consider this your warning about stairs. itll just keep happening bro. im telling you man

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[windeity]

...that's not fair, Dave. You never do anything for yourself, of course my advice to you would be to try it and that people that were worth it would understand.

[parodeity]

It might not be fair, but how they fuck would it be any different for you?

[ actually. this is skating dangerously close to kit's advice wtf. ]

Someone recently asked me if the person I was concerned about hypothetically hurting in a hypothetical situation would knowingly and willingly hurt me. And blah blah blah the best way to avoid whatever would be to head shit off at the pass, although then we got distracted. So...I don't know, do you think the people in question would actually hold shit against you?

[windeity]

Instinctively I want to say no, it would not be something that gets held against me but at the same time this is radically different and also I am not sure I would get a real answer since sometimes people involved just hold back on how they really feel about things in order to keep other people happy and that is not what I want.

[parodeity]

[ - okay, he sort of laughs. ]

That's what I said. More or less. But I think we are skirting the thing where you told me you don't want to talk about any of this, so we can...yeah. Tonight didn't happen? I would reverse it but I still can't bring myself to try.

[windeity]

[...if tonight didn't happen then there's no harm in continuing, right? He pauses, looking at Dave and he scoots a little closer, bringing his face a little closer to Dave's and he pauses again.

...no, just, kidding, that would really fuck this up. He hovers for a moment before he pulls away again. There are a few awkward beats.]

I told you I would kick your ass if you looped on your birthday.

[parodeity]

[ cool, dave just freezes in place completely, staring. his breathing entirely stopped when john leaned forward but he didn't so much as flinch or visibly react beyond stilling, and he then...

proceeds to stare, completely confused.

the fuck was that, egbert. somehow, dave doubts this is one of those things he can actually get an explanation for. tHIS IS A VERY CONFUSING EVENING WHY IS JOHN A CONFUSING HUMAN BEING ]

[windeity]

[...okay he's also just going to freeze and stare because haha. Okay. Uh. Fuck?]

...I am also seriously against ruining your birthday. [Which is kind of mumbled but. Okay.]

[parodeity]

[ they’re fine this is probably fine. it takes dave a minute to 1) breathe and 2) register he needs to say words again. ]

...you couldn’t if you tried.

[windeity]

No? [He sincerely doubts that. ...but then he speaks again.]

...what are we doing?

[parodeity]

I don’t know about “we”, but you have apparently decided to dedicate your life to slowly driving me completely insane, which should at least keep rose occupied. She will enjoy my raving in years to come.

[ so dryly said. ]

But even with that being a thing, the answer is still no. You couldn’t if you tried.

[windeity]

I will foot all of your therapy bills and everything. [Equally dryly. But okay. Back to debating.]

...do me a favor? Close your eyes for a second.

[parodeity]

I’ll need more every passin’ day as she psychoanalyzes me.

[ he shuts his eyes immediately without question as he snarks.

...then realizes john can’t fucking tell and reaches up with his right hand to pull the shades off without opening his eyes as proof they are for the moment shut, letting the shades fall into his sylladex. ]

You’re lucky I only need as much therapy as I do right now and not more?

[windeity]

Yeah, I know. I am sure Rose is thrilled though. [Ironic, actually. But he looks at Dave's face for a moment, surprised the shades are off and he pauses again. Give him time to study his face and really contemplate his choices.

Okay. He can do this? And if Dave gets mad he will figure it out…later. There's a slight inhale to prep himself, trying not to chicken out again before he scoots closer again and very carefully presses his lips to Dave's.

Like. It's pretty quick and he almost immediately backs off but at least he Tried.]

[parodeity]

[




what. well, congrats on being the first person in december to see his eyes because they are pretty immediately no longer shut as he just openly stares at john, lips parted in surprise because

what

what????

is there any other word in the English language besides what. ]

I. [ there’s one. ] What??

[ like ok John had leaned in earlier but dave thought maybe he was just crazy? ]

[windeity]

[Then cool, Dave gets to see John basically being the epitome of a deer in the headlights because he wasn't exactly expecting Dave to open his eyes?]

Uh. [Good job, idiot.] We can just...yeah. [Pretend it didn't happen if he wants? Haha well okay.]

[parodeity]

[ john that plan was flimsy as fuck? dave’s mouth works for a minute but he can’t figure out what to say until: ]

You’re straight. [ like john somehow forgot or something although kissing guys maybe undercuts that and okay just give him like five minutes to play mental catchup. ] I’m not your type??

[ goddamnit ]

What! [ or like ten minutes to be flustered this is fine he’ll catch up later. all of his objections so far seem to be complete confusion. ]

[windeity]

[He sort of just sits there and lets Dave freak out because like. Yes. And also maybe kind of yes. But simultaneously it makes sense to him so he doesn't really know how to argue. So he sits still and he's busy berating himself for trying while keeping his expression fairly calm.]

Like I said. We do not have to talk about this.

[parodeity]

I. [ he normally has more words than this where the fuck did they all go? ] Jesus fuckin’ christ am I not reading this music wrong or am I, you give me so many headaches. You’re like this asshole who finds the most drunk person in the vicinity of a bar and you like follow around after them with like a pair of coconuts - you know, Monty Python style? - and you like bang them happily together right by drunk victim numero uno’s head and he’s like will you fuck off but no, a level one headache is not enough so you keep following him all the way back to his apartment and turn on all the lights and the tv and you pump the bass and the volume and put on the most sugary high pitched voice acted kid’s cartoon you can find and then you perch on the end of the bed singing the theme to that one show with a sea sponge nonstop until daybreak -

[ ah there are the words.

give him like ten more seconds here ]

[windeity]

Serenade and Unrequited. [Fuck you, Dave Strider. He looks annoyed, frankly, but at least he can answer the question about the music while Dave's on a goddamn tangent.]

[parodeity]

[ there’s a fairly indignant noise at being interrupted (wise because he would have gone on like that for. a while) combined with his generalized reaction to the title and his feelings coalesce into “fuck it” and “excuse you” simultaneously so he looks annoyed, too? this is going so well.

his hand snaps out in that way too fast manner he has and yanks on john’s tie to haul him closer and this time dave kisses john and it is primarily exasperated and he will think better of this in five seconds but that is a problem for very slightly future dave.

why is this happening while he’s in a terrible cardigan and still has a video camera running.

very slightly future dave becomes present dave and he lets go of john’s tie and leans back and hates himself a little? ]

[windeity]

[There's a very surprised noise when Dave yanks on him but he catches himself enough to rest his hands on Dave's shoulders and...kiss back? Awkwardly? He's trying and he's confused and he's also a little more than ecstatic suddenly which is a Mess so he allows this to occur before Dave pulls back.

He doesn't let go of Dave's shoulders.]

...oh. [...OKAY.]

[parodeity]

[ NOW WHAT his plan wasn’t any less flimsy than john’s, fuck. and he took off the shades so his eyes are obviously a little wide. dave has...some regrets...

ummmm. ]

... [ words - ] So I think after the headache thing you must have like, mastered that, and moved on to slowly drivin’ people up the wall through a series of intricate but obscure methodologies such as -

[ words that aren’t a ramble? no? Ok. but john hasn’t let go so dave doesn’t move away. ]

[windeity]

You kissed me. [This sounds hilariously accusatory considering he started the whole thing.]

[parodeity]

You kissed me first!!! [ yeah gotta side with the meta text on this one ]

[windeity]

You're the one who was talking about pushing my luck!! [I'm glad their first instinct is to argue about it.] I told you I had no plans to ruin your birthday and you were like "yo dude it's cool you won't" and! [WAVING HIS HANDS?]