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[parodeity]

DAVE STRIDER

consider this your warning about stairs. itll just keep happening bro. im telling you man

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Comments

[windeity]

You’re the one who keeps making it weird and like I should change my mind! Also how is this any different than when you do the same to me?

[parodeity]

[ OH MY GOD ]

I'm not makin' it weird! I want to fuckin' sleep with you, god! But not if you're just doing it because of me.

[windeity]

I'm not doing it just because of you! It was never just because of you, it was for both of us and that was the whole point! [Cool, glad they're driving and just yelling at each other.]

[parodeity]

[ excuse you dave is not yelling he is just enunciating carefully in a speaking tone??? ]

You sleep fine without it! [ why can't they agree on a thing and then like

not argue about the thing they agreed on

idiots ]

[windeity]

[With exclamation points and it may as well be a Dave-version of yelling. So yeah. That's cool.]

How do you know that? Stop talking about what I do and don't do when you don't ask!

[parodeity]

Like I'm allowed!

[windeity]

[What if he just slams on the brakes and stops in the middle of an empty street to stare at him???]

What the fuck. You are blowing this out of proportion for, like, no reason!

[parodeity]

Well, so are you! [ also, immediately: ] Pull over if you can't multitask, John, christ. Or let me drive.

[windeity]

I can drive just fine! [So also, shut up!] How am I blowing this out of proportion? What did I do to blow anything out of proportion here?

[parodeity]

You - [ and what's his argument here, that he's willing to say? like, it's not like he can actually complain about john pulling back when he's doing the same damn thing, or about why, or about any of it. ] - never mind, you're right, sorry, my fault. If you can drive, let's go. We're already running behind schedule.

[windeity]

[...what if he just buries his face in his hands and muffles a loud yell.]

Jesus christ, Dave, not everything is your fault and we are not behind schedule! I can tell time, too!

[And he suddenly moves and leans over the center console to grab Dave's face.]

Do you want to sleep with me, yes or no?

[parodeity]

[ well that doesn't prove john can multitask drive?

dave's eyes go wide but thankfully john can't fucking see that and this is still stupid as fuck. ]

- Yes. [ then, licking his lips and trying to save whatever face he sure doesn't fucking have: ] We're behind my schedule.

[windeity]

Okay. Then everything else doesn't matter right now. [Because John knows there are things to talk about and he absolutely does not want to discuss them since he has no idea how to process things he's thinking. This, at least, he can handle.]

What else does your schedule say? [Once he knows what he's working with, at least, he'll drive.]

[parodeity]

[ did john let...go...why would dave be leaning into the touch again fuck off ]

You need to eat lunch.

[windeity]

[No he's still holding Dave's face and will be until he drives because John is probably crazy and this seems to work.]

I. Wait, what? I'll eat, it's fine.

[parodeity]

You wanted to know what else was on the schedule.

[ he'll apparently track when john or other people last ate, but not himself? ]

[windeity]

That can be after training, Dave...dinner and stuff with the girls, remember?

[parodeity]

That entirely bypasses lunch.

[ why is he even discussing this does he even actually care. ]

[windeity]

[...]

Okay well. When did you last eat? I know you skipped breakfast.

[parodeity]

[ okay wow unfair questions? ]

I had lunch?

[ yesterday. ]

[windeity]

[Sounds fake.]

...whatever, fine. We'll go to McDonald's or something before we head to the course. Deal? They have apple slices and stuff. [Why is it that negotiating with Dave is also sometimes like negotiating with a toddler.]

[parodeity]

...Yeah, okay. [ since john is I GUESS still holding his face: ] I don't want to be like this, you know.

[ clear as mud, even as he starts to lean back. ]

[windeity]

[What if he tightens his grip on Dave's face so he can't move yet?]

Be like...what?

[parodeity]

[ then dave will stop moving back and lean forward instead, ig ]

A thousand miles away at cross-purposes. Not okay. Whatever.

[windeity]

I never thought you did. [He tilts his head curiously, still keeping Dave's face in his hands because it's still clear he's pretty touch-starved even if John has zero idea what's actually up.]

...remember when I said I wanted you to try? That applied to trying to talk to us about what can help maybe make things more okay, too. Don't think about telling them that you didn't want to tell them things and all of that. I just mean in general. Specifically. We can't give you what you want if you don't talk to us, dude. You understand, don't you?