You - [ and what's his argument here, that he's willing to say? like, it's not like he can actually complain about john pulling back when he's doing the same damn thing, or about why, or about any of it. ] - never mind, you're right, sorry, my fault. If you can drive, let's go. We're already running behind schedule.
Okay. Then everything else doesn't matter right now. [Because John knows there are things to talk about and he absolutely does not want to discuss them since he has no idea how to process things he's thinking. This, at least, he can handle.]
What else does your schedule say? [Once he knows what he's working with, at least, he'll drive.]
...whatever, fine. We'll go to McDonald's or something before we head to the course. Deal? They have apple slices and stuff. [Why is it that negotiating with Dave is also sometimes like negotiating with a toddler.]
I never thought you did. [He tilts his head curiously, still keeping Dave's face in his hands because it's still clear he's pretty touch-starved even if John has zero idea what's actually up.]
...remember when I said I wanted you to try? That applied to trying to talk to us about what can help maybe make things more okay, too. Don't think about telling them that you didn't want to tell them things and all of that. I just mean in general. Specifically. We can't give you what you want if you don't talk to us, dude. You understand, don't you?
I can't make those requests of you, dude, they generally aren't fair.
[ or they're directly counter to things other people want. because there's at least one thing he wants that he's never specifically stated and has never once been granted. and it is the stupidest thing a time player could ever ask for. ]
How unfair are we talking? [Like that was going to stop him from asking.
He should let go of Dave's face. He should maybe like. Consider what he's doing. And maybe throw himself off a cliff because this is hard and weird but it also makes some sense and that's probably not what Dave wants or needs.]
[ it's his damn aspect but without killing himself with loops he cannot give himself as much of it as he needs. ]
I want time, and I want it to be...okay that I need it. [ there's a wry twist to his lips, now. ] And that's not really okay, is it, if however much time I need doesn't work for everyone else's schedules.
...I cannot guarantee it's going to be okay for the others. That wouldn't be fair to you or to them. But it's still okay with me as long as you are okay with me using my time as I need. I want to be able to help them, but I do not want to speed you up or leave you behind.
I will give you time if you can try to work with me on things. That's the compromise.
It's already been made clear to me it's not okay for them. I was supposed to be over this by now.
[ his hands raise to cover john's, and his fingers are still cold. ]
So you need to be okay with me not being okay with what I'll make myself do. Because I won't be okay with any of this in any timeframe everyone else would agree to. So I'll force it, and it'll be fine, and you need to not give a fuck about that. I'll give you anything you want here, John, but you have to understand that?
[ sixteen years to even speak about bro, and then only because he was trapped. he can't be okay with speaking about the past when it's always a half step away from someone remembering something that could lead back to that, or remembering something that would get them locked into the same awkward distance he'd ended up sharing with jade. not easily and not quickly.
he's aware the time he needs is time he can't ever get, even with the gear on his chest, and he's willing (resigned?) to ignore that kind of naive bullshit to simply give away the pieces he's asked for and to force himself through the shit he doesn't want to do or say. the aftermath can be a problem for future dave. ]
I can't flashstep my way through how I feel about shit. I'm sorry. But I can force myself through it and deal with it later. I can try to work with you like that.
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What the fuck. You are blowing this out of proportion for, like, no reason!
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Jesus christ, Dave, not everything is your fault and we are not behind schedule! I can tell time, too!
[And he suddenly moves and leans over the center console to grab Dave's face.]
Do you want to sleep with me, yes or no?
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dave's eyes go wide but thankfully john can't fucking see that and this is still stupid as fuck. ]
- Yes. [ then, licking his lips and trying to save whatever face he sure doesn't fucking have: ] We're behind my schedule.
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What else does your schedule say? [Once he knows what he's working with, at least, he'll drive.]
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You need to eat lunch.
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I. Wait, what? I'll eat, it's fine.
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[ he'll apparently track when john or other people last ate, but not himself? ]
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[ why is he even discussing this does he even actually care. ]
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Okay well. When did you last eat? I know you skipped breakfast.
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I had lunch?
[ yesterday. ]
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...whatever, fine. We'll go to McDonald's or something before we head to the course. Deal? They have apple slices and stuff. [Why is it that negotiating with Dave is also sometimes like negotiating with a toddler.]
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[ clear as mud, even as he starts to lean back. ]
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Be like...what?
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A thousand miles away at cross-purposes. Not okay. Whatever.
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...remember when I said I wanted you to try? That applied to trying to talk to us about what can help maybe make things more okay, too. Don't think about telling them that you didn't want to tell them things and all of that. I just mean in general. Specifically. We can't give you what you want if you don't talk to us, dude. You understand, don't you?
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[ or they're directly counter to things other people want. because there's at least one thing he wants that he's never specifically stated and has never once been granted. and it is the stupidest thing a time player could ever ask for. ]
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He should let go of Dave's face. He should maybe like. Consider what he's doing. And maybe throw himself off a cliff because this is hard and weird but it also makes some sense and that's probably not what Dave wants or needs.]
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[ it's his damn aspect but without killing himself with loops he cannot give himself as much of it as he needs. ]
I want time, and I want it to be...okay that I need it. [ there's a wry twist to his lips, now. ] And that's not really okay, is it, if however much time I need doesn't work for everyone else's schedules.
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I will give you time if you can try to work with me on things. That's the compromise.
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[ his hands raise to cover john's, and his fingers are still cold. ]
So you need to be okay with me not being okay with what I'll make myself do. Because I won't be okay with any of this in any timeframe everyone else would agree to. So I'll force it, and it'll be fine, and you need to not give a fuck about that. I'll give you anything you want here, John, but you have to understand that?
[ sixteen years to even speak about bro, and then only because he was trapped. he can't be okay with speaking about the past when it's always a half step away from someone remembering something that could lead back to that, or remembering something that would get them locked into the same awkward distance he'd ended up sharing with jade. not easily and not quickly.
he's aware the time he needs is time he can't ever get, even with the gear on his chest, and he's willing (resigned?) to ignore that kind of naive bullshit to simply give away the pieces he's asked for and to force himself through the shit he doesn't want to do or say. the aftermath can be a problem for future dave. ]
I can't flashstep my way through how I feel about shit. I'm sorry. But I can force myself through it and deal with it later. I can try to work with you like that.
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