recollé ic inbox 3.0;

[parodeity]

DAVE STRIDER

consider this your warning about stairs. itll just keep happening bro. im telling you man

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

GO HERE FOR NEW THREADS!!!!!!! This one loads slow for me.

Comments

[windeity]

I can drive just fine! [So also, shut up!] How am I blowing this out of proportion? What did I do to blow anything out of proportion here?

[parodeity]

You - [ and what's his argument here, that he's willing to say? like, it's not like he can actually complain about john pulling back when he's doing the same damn thing, or about why, or about any of it. ] - never mind, you're right, sorry, my fault. If you can drive, let's go. We're already running behind schedule.

[windeity]

[...what if he just buries his face in his hands and muffles a loud yell.]

Jesus christ, Dave, not everything is your fault and we are not behind schedule! I can tell time, too!

[And he suddenly moves and leans over the center console to grab Dave's face.]

Do you want to sleep with me, yes or no?

[parodeity]

[ well that doesn't prove john can multitask drive?

dave's eyes go wide but thankfully john can't fucking see that and this is still stupid as fuck. ]

- Yes. [ then, licking his lips and trying to save whatever face he sure doesn't fucking have: ] We're behind my schedule.

[windeity]

Okay. Then everything else doesn't matter right now. [Because John knows there are things to talk about and he absolutely does not want to discuss them since he has no idea how to process things he's thinking. This, at least, he can handle.]

What else does your schedule say? [Once he knows what he's working with, at least, he'll drive.]

[parodeity]

[ did john let...go...why would dave be leaning into the touch again fuck off ]

You need to eat lunch.

[windeity]

[No he's still holding Dave's face and will be until he drives because John is probably crazy and this seems to work.]

I. Wait, what? I'll eat, it's fine.

[parodeity]

You wanted to know what else was on the schedule.

[ he'll apparently track when john or other people last ate, but not himself? ]

[windeity]

That can be after training, Dave...dinner and stuff with the girls, remember?

[parodeity]

That entirely bypasses lunch.

[ why is he even discussing this does he even actually care. ]

[windeity]

[...]

Okay well. When did you last eat? I know you skipped breakfast.

[parodeity]

[ okay wow unfair questions? ]

I had lunch?

[ yesterday. ]

[windeity]

[Sounds fake.]

...whatever, fine. We'll go to McDonald's or something before we head to the course. Deal? They have apple slices and stuff. [Why is it that negotiating with Dave is also sometimes like negotiating with a toddler.]

[parodeity]

...Yeah, okay. [ since john is I GUESS still holding his face: ] I don't want to be like this, you know.

[ clear as mud, even as he starts to lean back. ]

[windeity]

[What if he tightens his grip on Dave's face so he can't move yet?]

Be like...what?

[parodeity]

[ then dave will stop moving back and lean forward instead, ig ]

A thousand miles away at cross-purposes. Not okay. Whatever.

[windeity]

I never thought you did. [He tilts his head curiously, still keeping Dave's face in his hands because it's still clear he's pretty touch-starved even if John has zero idea what's actually up.]

...remember when I said I wanted you to try? That applied to trying to talk to us about what can help maybe make things more okay, too. Don't think about telling them that you didn't want to tell them things and all of that. I just mean in general. Specifically. We can't give you what you want if you don't talk to us, dude. You understand, don't you?

[parodeity]

I can't make those requests of you, dude, they generally aren't fair.

[ or they're directly counter to things other people want. because there's at least one thing he wants that he's never specifically stated and has never once been granted. and it is the stupidest thing a time player could ever ask for. ]

[windeity]

How unfair are we talking? [Like that was going to stop him from asking.

He should let go of Dave's face. He should maybe like. Consider what he's doing. And maybe throw himself off a cliff because this is hard and weird but it also makes some sense and that's probably not what Dave wants or needs.]

[parodeity]

Time.

[ it's his damn aspect but without killing himself with loops he cannot give himself as much of it as he needs. ]

I want time, and I want it to be...okay that I need it. [ there's a wry twist to his lips, now. ] And that's not really okay, is it, if however much time I need doesn't work for everyone else's schedules.

[windeity]

...I cannot guarantee it's going to be okay for the others. That wouldn't be fair to you or to them. But it's still okay with me as long as you are okay with me using my time as I need. I want to be able to help them, but I do not want to speed you up or leave you behind.

I will give you time if you can try to work with me on things. That's the compromise.

[parodeity]

It's already been made clear to me it's not okay for them. I was supposed to be over this by now.

[ his hands raise to cover john's, and his fingers are still cold. ]

So you need to be okay with me not being okay with what I'll make myself do. Because I won't be okay with any of this in any timeframe everyone else would agree to. So I'll force it, and it'll be fine, and you need to not give a fuck about that. I'll give you anything you want here, John, but you have to understand that?

[ sixteen years to even speak about bro, and then only because he was trapped. he can't be okay with speaking about the past when it's always a half step away from someone remembering something that could lead back to that, or remembering something that would get them locked into the same awkward distance he'd ended up sharing with jade. not easily and not quickly.

he's aware the time he needs is time he can't ever get, even with the gear on his chest, and he's willing (resigned?) to ignore that kind of naive bullshit to simply give away the pieces he's asked for and to force himself through the shit he doesn't want to do or say. the aftermath can be a problem for future dave. ]

I can't flashstep my way through how I feel about shit. I'm sorry. But I can force myself through it and deal with it later. I can try to work with you like that.

[windeity]

[He doesn't say anything and he doesn't pull his hands away. He lets Dave do this and he shuts up to listen despite how much he wants to argue about it.]

You can't really ask me not to give a fuck, but I get what you are saying. I can try to keep it to myself and let you do this even though...[It'll hurt.]

Is that the deal then? I don't give a fuck about you pushing through what needs to be done and you let me be on the other end when you're dealing with the aftermath?

[parodeity]

No. [ that's not the deal, because: ] I deal alone.

[ his expression closes off, but yeah, no. he can't work through this in his own time to the point where he's okay with things but he can at least deal with how it'll fuck him up on the other side on his own, in his own time. that he can do on his own schedule, maybe, because surely he doesn't actually owe any of them really being okay in a set amount of time.

does he? it's fucked up, but he's not even sure if that's true or not. if it isn't, he really will have to learn to fake it. ]

All y'all can't give me time to get to the point where I can do this the "right" way or whatever, and it's not fair to ask for that. And I do understand why, and that everyone is scared, and that everyone wants answers. But I at least can deal with the result on my own in my own time later.

[ months or years or decades or whatever, he'll add it to the list of other issues he's daunted by. he won't explain fully why this is so difficult for him and he definitely doesn't think it'll help to do so as he systematically forces himself to shove past things instead of work through them, or even after. that'd be the same sort of forced effort that's going to hurt already.

that conversation with dirk hadn't really fixed anything at all, and he knows that already. ]

I'll work with you on giving you whatever you need for a balance, but no, none of you are gonna be on the other end. I'm already headin' there alone and I always have been.

[windeity]

[No. That's definitely not what he wants and he doesn't know how to say that because he doesn't have a frame of reference. He doesn't know what Dave's thinking or what Dave remember and he thinks about two of his best friends fucking off for a suicide mission and not telling him and not being able to do anything back then. He thinks about Dave who deals on his own now and while he can normally respect all of that, all he says is:]

Why?