[ what does he think they're supposed to do, dave means. probably "be there for you" but he's never been able to accept them being there for him in the sense he tells them things. not often, not outside of his own idiosyncratic timeframe where he reaches out on his own haphazardly based on the phases of the moon.
john's tried to protect dave, a little, but dave just isn't used to that. not anymore. ]
Support? Giving you time? Having your back so you don't have to actually deal with things alone because it will just make things even worse? What the fuck kind of friends were we if we left you to handle stuff on your own all the time? I don't...what am I supposed to do?
You won't know about any of the future stuff, so it's fine.
[ b/c that is a good life choice, just deciding next time he'll hide it better, but that aside: ]
John, how the fuck can you give me time? We both agree that the best option is just tellin' them everything they want, don't we? Regardless of how that happens. Whether it's me writing it all down for you or just telling you and you passing it along or...whatever. Like...that's what makes the most sense, just doing it. I don't know what you're supposed to do after, okay? I guess have a strategy meeting and leave me to my own devices for a while. It's not like it's a huge deal.
...[He doesn't really have an answer, so he doesn't provide one. Instead, he's just sort of accepting that this is a deadend and that he's a little doomed, that Dave won't let himself be helped and John has to find another option. It makes his stomach twist and he kind of wants to keep yelling but that's not going to help. Retreating won't help either but until he can figure things out (be brave enough to figure out a new option) he has to let this go.]
Sure. [ he pries john's hands off his face and lets them go. ] ...but for the record, support or protection or help or whatever it is you beat yourself up over isn't anything I ever expected from you. When I told you what a best friend was, it was never...it was what it meant for what I'd do. Not what I ever asked of you.
[ he says it because he means it to help, somehow. ]
Bein' around you usually calmed my nerves down. That's all I ever wanted from you. [ all he'd ever expect and not even something he'd ever ask for. ]
[His hands are dropped and they rest in his lap as he stares at the steering wheel before looking at Dave again.]
I know. That's probably the part that bugs me the most. [There's a closed lip smile before he releases the brakes and starts driving again.] But...I can do that. If you'll stick around, I will, too.
Not really, if we're talking about somethin' where I don't man up and deal. But you're you. Maybe you'll be able to shit a rainbow out of all this somehow.
I love you, too. [ that part is almost easy. ] John, it's okay if there isn't a solution. Or if the solution is just me learning to adapt. This isn't on you. Okay?
[No, not okay. But he's well aware that's the answer Dave wants so he nods even as he parks in front of their destination finally.]
Yeah, okay. [He's going to figure something out though. He has to. But instead he glances out the window, blue eyes bright again as he gives a slow smile.] Does this make us early?
[ dryly, and in a moment he'll reach for his door since he's fallen out of the habit of waiting for john to do it for him, but right now he stares again instead, wavering. ]
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[ what does he think they're supposed to do, dave means. probably "be there for you" but he's never been able to accept them being there for him in the sense he tells them things. not often, not outside of his own idiosyncratic timeframe where he reaches out on his own haphazardly based on the phases of the moon.
john's tried to protect dave, a little, but dave just isn't used to that. not anymore. ]
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[ b/c that is a good life choice, just deciding next time he'll hide it better, but that aside: ]
John, how the fuck can you give me time? We both agree that the best option is just tellin' them everything they want, don't we? Regardless of how that happens. Whether it's me writing it all down for you or just telling you and you passing it along or...whatever. Like...that's what makes the most sense, just doing it. I don't know what you're supposed to do after, okay? I guess have a strategy meeting and leave me to my own devices for a while. It's not like it's a huge deal.
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We can talk about this later, okay?
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[ he says it because he means it to help, somehow. ]
Bein' around you usually calmed my nerves down. That's all I ever wanted from you. [ all he'd ever expect and not even something he'd ever ask for. ]
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I know. That's probably the part that bugs me the most. [There's a closed lip smile before he releases the brakes and starts driving again.] But...I can do that. If you'll stick around, I will, too.
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So how come you would do anything for me, but you don't think I could or should do anything for you? I am just wondering.
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[ dave leans against the door. ]
...But if you want to try to find some mythical third option that keeps everyone sorted, sure. You can try.
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You don't think I can?
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...you know I love you, don't you?
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I love you, too. [ that part is almost easy. ] John, it's okay if there isn't a solution. Or if the solution is just me learning to adapt. This isn't on you. Okay?
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Yeah, okay. [He's going to figure something out though. He has to. But instead he glances out the window, blue eyes bright again as he gives a slow smile.] Does this make us early?
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[ dryly, and in a moment he'll reach for his door since he's fallen out of the habit of waiting for john to do it for him, but right now he stares again instead, wavering. ]
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Yeah. Oops. [There's a small laugh.] Cool with lunch after? We can probably take a break during training, too.
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