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[parodeity]

DAVE STRIDER

consider this your warning about stairs. itll just keep happening bro. im telling you man

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[windeity]

There's still batter left, dummy. I'm making them as fast as I can. [It's said in his usual calm manner as he turns back to begin making another set of pancakes.] So like...I can't think of a good comparison right now, but I think I understand. You just like being able to come and go whenever you want.

[parodeity]

[ the plate is carefully set on the counter and dave will leave them for now. ]

To what degree that's possible, yeah. [ there's something quiet and hidden in how he says that, but. ]

[windeity]

[It's easier to have this conversation when he's not looking at Dave.]

You usually stay with me though.

[parodeity]

I do.

[ ......................

completely fails to explain why, his tone a little strangely quieter, but. ]

[windeity]

[...

It's hard to say what the fuck he's actually thinking, but he finishes making up two of his own pancakes before taking the pan off of the burner, sliding the pancakes onto a plate and turning off the stove. He stares at the bowl of batter for a minute before he turns back to Dave with a carefully neutral face.]

Put Mewpac down for a sec and come here.

[parodeity]

[ it's weirdly not an expression (lack of expression) he likes seeing on john, which is hilariously hypocritical as fuck. not that dave actually thinks about his poker face much at all at seventeen; it's second nature.

he gently sets the kitten on the ground because she'd do damage to the food on the counter, and slides off the stool to walk over and stand in front of john.

dave raises one eyebrow, prompting john to do whatever. he still has the blanket over his shoulders like a shawl. ]

[windeity]

[He's careful not to let Mewpac escape too far or step on her when she wanders, but Dave stops in front of him and he continues giving him a strangely blank look before lifting on his toes to match heights.

Someday Dave will probably get used to sporadic hugs. Maybe. Is there an explanation? Maybe, but fuck if he's going to elaborate yet.]

[parodeity]

[ things john probably doesn't intend to cause: dave tensing the fuck up at the continued blank look, so that his casual posture is proven to be a complete lie when john actually reaches out to hug him. since it's harder to act relaxed when someone is touching him and can feel the way his muscles are tied up in knots here.

he's not sure if he fucked up or not, actually. ]

John?

[windeity]

[He has zero explanation that he's willing to explain yet, so.]

Sup. [To borrow from Dave's vocabulary...but he's back up to his normal body temperature at least and he's not shivering and he's pretty sturdy otherwise. He's not entirely surprised that Dave isn't as relaxed but that's mostly coming from a place of observing Dave a lot lately.]

[parodeity]

[ DAVE IS still kind of cold actually, but less frigid than he was outside. just. he warms up slower. he doesn't immediately relax, even though he'd shifted to accommodate john even while tense, automatically steadying john-standing-on-tiptoe with his hands at john's waist. ]

...I don't know, you tell me?

[windeity]

[He doesn't reply immediately and instead he keeps his face hidden in Dave's shoulder for the time being. It's a little startling to be able to hear and measure each one of Dave's breaths and he thinks about what was just said.

"You usually stay with me though."
"I do."

And he thinks about October and he thinks about the meeting they're bound to next week because John opened his mouth and he thinks about piano accompaniments and late night movies and pink moon sand and a plethora of other things while he realizes that Dave is the type of person who doesn't want to stay trapped in something and that Dave's sacrificial to a fault.

There are other things, too, that he won't think about at the moment because they're confusing so he leaves them. What he says instead is:]

Do I give you enough outs for when you need them?

[parodeity]

[ that...sure is a question. dave's pulse speeds up but his breathing doesn't, even and slow. he has no idea how to respond for a second because it isn't the sort of question people usually ask him. in two days, he'll probably think about this question when someone else talks to him about claustrophobia and open spaces and understanding being broken and people who understand there are things you just can't handle.

right now, he stalls out, uncertain how to answer. he can't remember if he told john ever he'd offered to tell everyone everything just to keep dirk happy, once. ]

...Now why would you ask me that one? We talked about this already today. [ did they? ]

[windeity]

["I used to just talk, sometimes."
"What changed? Besides the obvious, of course."
"...It was my fault. I asked for a little too much, and I knew it, and it's why I tried to get him not to agree to any of it at the outset. And eventually it got to the point where my first instinct when shit went wrong was not to call my brother, but was to run away."

He doesn't feel the adjustment in Dave's pulse, doesn't understand that shift and he obviously can't know of anything future Dave will do. Instead...instead, Dave says that and John's arms tighten just a little more.]

Did we? We've talked about a lot of things today.

[parodeity]

[ all right. shit. it's one of those conversations where he feels like he's balancing on razor-thin glass over a straight drop into nothing. dave pauses again, before he shifts, left hand leaving john's waist to reach up and dislodge john from his shoulder, fingers hooking under john's chin and carefully turning his face up so dave can see what he's working with. ]

Egbert. Don't think, just answer. If I told you to fuck off and leave me alone, full stop, what would you do?

[windeity]

[He's not quite so blank anymore seeing how he's never been great at having a blank expression in the first place. He's nervous and curious and a little something unidentifiable. The question scares him because he doesn't know what the right answer is, so there's another short lull.

But then again, Dave said don't think and just answer.]

Say no. [That would be instinct.] Mostly because I know you better than that, and I would know if you were really serious. And even if you were the answer would be no because I don't think that is one of the things that should just go without a fight at all because you're...you. [Which means?] Meeting your own circumstances for why you'd make me leave doesn't count. The only time I'd actually do it would be if I could one-hundred percent be certain this was what you wanted and not because you think it'd be better for me or because it seems like something I secretly want or whatever.

But. If in the end that is really, truly something you were sure of I'd try to understand. [Try to understand, sure, but not necessarily just walk away. Without notice the grip on Dave tenses up a little. It's a scary concept, but it's also a concept that could maybe someday happen, given what Dave's told him.]

[parodeity]

[ okay, this is one of those times dave is just going to respond with. inappropriate laughter because that wasn't actually what he expected john to say so. it's a quiet huff of laughter and his grip on john's chin loosens and. what the hell. ]

Okay, let's dial it back to - don't think, just answer: what if I told you I needed you to fuck off for a day, or a week? For me.

[windeity]

[To be fair that wasn't entirely the answer he expected either when he started talking so there's a confused frown. At least this time his response when Dave starts laughing isn't to stalk off and be mad. He's also not sure what the hell Dave's getting at, so he answers.]

You didn't give me a space of time before, asshole. That is a lot more doable and I'd probably check just to make sure things were okay between us and then fuck off for a day or a week. [He makes a face.] I get wanting space and alone time sometimes, whatever.

[Yeah this. Is not clicking at all. He'll get there in a bit...]

[parodeity]

[ he drops john's chin entirely, and dave's hand slides down to rest at the side of john's neck like that's not weird but whatever. ]

So, [ to summarize ] If I told you to fuck off for a specific amount of time you would, and if I told you to leave me alone permanently and really, genuinely meant it for me, you'd try.

[windeity]

[Dave what the fuck.]

I'd be pretty unhappy about it, but yeah. That would be the thing, I guess.

[parodeity]

[ which part are we even what the fucking here. like yes, it is weird to stand here with one hand at john's waist and the other at his neck but like we could also be what the fucking how he chooses to have this conversation at all???

of course, that's another closed door, isn't it? dave isn't sure how well he can make his point. because he won't ever genuinely completely be able to ask john to do something that would make him unhappy. there's a pause after that where he just chews on his bottom lip before he just proceeds anyway. ]

Has it ever occurred to you that there are cages people make for themselves?

[windeity]

[Both. It's always both and John's never sure how to keep up with anything and he has the vague awareness that the pancakes will get cold but pancakes reheat well so he's less thinking of that. He lets Dave hold his waist and his neck and he keeps quiet while he waits.]

Yes. It has. Though I suppose that depends on the kind of cage.

[parodeity]

How does it depend?

[ - and as usual he gets derailed from his point to clarify what john's saying, curious and easily distracted as ever... ]

[windeity]

If the cages are created because people provided the materials, or if they were handcrafted all on their own. [Metaphors are hard.] But why do you ask?

[parodeity]

Because, [ because? ] The ways in which I can't get away from you aren't on you. So yeah, they exist. But they're not your fault, and you do your best to...let me fuck off as far as I can go, if I need to. You asked me if you gave me enough outs, right?

[ his fingers tap on the side of john's neck, frenetic even when his face is perfectly calm. ]

What other outs even are there, John?

[windeity]

["Not strong-arming you into something that's clearly made you uncomfortable?"

Naturally he doesn't say that. He lets Dave tap out a pattern on his neck and he keeps his expression as calm as possible while he thinks of a more appropriate answer.]

I don't know. I just wanted to be sure that the decisions I've been making aren't caging you in just because you'll follow me pretty much everywhere I'll go. Just because that's a thing doesn't mean I want to abuse it.