parodeity | WEEK ZERO: FRIDAY, 10PM, THE POOL

Met a few people, but not really anything else.

[He looks at Dave, very awkward. He clears his throat.]

Would it... would it be okay if I sat?

...You can do what you want, yeah.

[ SO. FEEL FREE, APPARENTLY. ]

Did you read the rules.

[He sits down now that he has permission, although there's the hesitance to it. He nods at least at the question.]

Yeah. They're definitely something. Someone's havin' a little too much with anthropomorphism.

Dunno if that quirk was what bothered me most.

[ ...will he...specify...? ]

There are rules that are missin', and some wordings that are questionable.

Yeah. References to fire coming to you, the weirdass rule about cannibalism.

[He looks at Dave, and while he's 'watching' him it's more like waiting. Like he isn't sure what to do and is relying on Dave to lead.]

Do you have any ideas about any of it? Or does none of it matter if we're a dead end anyway?

[Dirk isn't sure he can reconcile himself to that idea when Jake and Dave are alive, not to mention all these other people. Even if it's abstractly true, he doesn't know if he can stand it.]

Most worried about rule four.

[ blandly. he doesn't answer the part about if it matters or not, because maybe it still does for some people. he really can't say, and he can't feel it, here.

compulsively, he checks the wrist watch. okay. ]

But yeah, I have ideas. They all suck.

[Rule four hadn't caught his attention overtly. Now he thinks about it again. An interpretation comes to him, but it feels so self-evident to him he can't muster up worry about it.

Instead, he just keeps looking to Dave, unsure.]

Can I hear them? If it's okay with you. I, uh, understand if you'd prefer not to trust me with anything.

Do you?

[ understand. dave slants a glance sideways, though he doesn't stop doodling. ]

[Right. His eyes flicker down behind his glasses, and he swallows again.]

I wouldn't trust an asshole where the kind of interaction we had back there could only be explained as a game.

So who are you?

[ it's a sudden question, maybe, but he genuinely can't figure it out. ]

[It's sudden and Dirk doesn't know how to answer it. The way he looks at Dave, even behind his glasses, makes it clear. He has always had a pretty clear sense of who he is and what he values, but now he doesn't know what to say.

He tries, as best as he can, to be honest.]

I'm... a toxic person. I'm a bad influence, someone who hurts other people and suffocatin' on the best of days. Sburb got it right with Prince of Heart here because I definitely fit 'Destroyer of Souls,' except instead of being some kind of weird evil wizard I'm just an asshole who ruins everything who can't even do the destroying right when it would actually help someone. I'm a monster, and even stupider, I'm a shitty monster who fails at basically whatever there is to try.

[That's that. It is Dirk's considered opinion of himself after everything that has happened. He's a bad person, and not even the competent kind that can be useful sometimes. He's just evil and a failure.]

And... Whatever I did, whatever I put you through, I figure I must be that kind of asshole too, since he's just another splinter. I'm not someone who's worth putting up with, frankly. I'm... someone you probably shouldn't be around. God knows no one else should come near me.

[His breath doesn't come in steady so he holds it. He barely gets the word out.] I'm someone who should've left you alone and knew it and wanted to talk to you anyway.

Edited 2017-05-19 23:54 (UTC)

[ dave gives dirk a kind of weirded out look as he talks because that's...none of that is what he keeps expecting and he isn't sure what to do, or what to say. he's not even sure what he thinks. ]

It's not like you did anythin' to me.

[ it's not like a year and change is enough to admit it.

he veers conversationally to: ]

Take off your shades. [ because it's a test, the first one he's thrown down at someone else, and that's a weird feeling but he can't gauge what's happening here. ]

[Dirk doesn't agree, he has read the lines between what Dave has said to get some small idea of what Dave expected and he doesn't think any of it is good.

But Dave makes his comment, and Dirk's eyes flicker up. There's a moment of surprise, but his hands have already moved half-up to his shades to comply when he stops to look at Dave in confusion, trying to understand what's happening.

Then he pulls them off like Dave asked, and looks at him. It's been a while since he's been without shades but it doesn't really bother him. What bothers him more is not having access to his tech through his shades, frankly.]

Is this what you wanted?

[It's more obvious now, the puppy dog desperation. And the frown, too, the lingering self-hatred that came to the surface as he confessed to how terrible he is.]

[ that's never happened before, ever. except it kind of did, didn't it? he told bro to show up at a specific time and place and bro did, and he didn't fucking dog dave around the place, and he took off the shades. it's the twilight zone officially and dave can't tell who's in charge, if anyone even is.

the pen breaks through the paper and dave looks down, then abandons his drawings to look back up at dirk.

he sounds very much fourteen and lost when he says: ]

I don't know. [ he doesn't have a clue. ] Rose only explained who you all were a few hours ago.

[ the new session, whatever, he'd known they were going there but even though he's the time player dave hadn't bothered to understand what was different - or maybe he'd deliberately tried not to know. ]

I was supposed to have like two years before I decided that. [ what he wanted. if what he wanted even mattered. ] You're...

[ ... ]

You're freakin' me the fuck out because I have no idea who you are. [ because this very distinctly isn't bro, but he looks so much like him and dave knows it's the same source, just...flipped to a different time. ] I didn't like you much, and you died, and that was supposedly the end of it except no one ever stays dead.

[It doesn't even hurt, really, that confession, it's just a confirmation of what he thought. It just makes Dirk feel worse for existing and he's been there for a while already.]

Sorry. That... must be a metric fuckton to get a handle on all at once.

[He isn't sure what to do. Like he admitted, he messes up so much. He doesn't want to mess up Dave worse. He tries, carefully, to make an offer.]

If you want space, and I guess time, I can try to give you that. It's a small area and we're trapped in it but I won't... initiate conversations, or anythin', until you give me the okay. If you ever give me the okay. If that'd help.

You don't have to pretend to care.

[ like. dave holds up a hand to forestall an answer before he's done. ]

You're not...him, I get that, it's obvious. [ there's actual remorse over god knows what. at least whoever he's talking about hurting will get that: some sense of closure, someone who actually legitimately gave a fuck. ] But you don't have to pretend to give a fuck about me. I'm used to dealin' with shit on my own, you don't have to...bother.

[ wanting to meet him is one thing. actually caring and being someone he can depend on is another thing entirely.

there is simply no way that's going to be something he's allowed to have. rose and john and jade are people he can rely on. terezi, when it suits her. the mayor. other people are nebulous and hard, even when he likes them. it's better to rely on himself, only, and to just...expect to be thrown to the side before it happens. ]

[It's good Dave forestalls that response because Dirk was going to argue, but Dave makes his point and Dirk understands a little more what he means. There's no point arguing if Dirk is or isn't Dave's Bro or other nebulous elements, it's too complicated. The other thing, though, is more relevant to the immediate situation. His breathing is careful, but with his shades off he's an open book to anyone who can read fine print. It's a mess of emotions going on there, and he's trying select to hurt Dave the least.]

I... would like to. If you'd let me. I want to... [He breaks off, swallowing again, the frown coming in harder and more transparent without his sunglasses.] I don't know you, but I've wanted to for a really long time. I respect if you don't want to know me, though, and I'll back off if that's what you decide. I know that's a lot to shove on you right now so you can consider it a standing offer to cut me off whenever you want.

I get the feelin' you're not gonna want to after whatever this is starts up. [ because it's easier, dave thinks, to not pretend he's going to have an ally here. not an ally he doesn't make himself, and fight for, and even still there's a good chance he'll be betrayed for...

whatever nebulous picture is forming here, that he doesn't like. it's lovecraftian horror, and he desperately wishes rose were here with him. ] You'll be more focused on, presumably - I forget the name already. Jade's grandpa. She never said.

[ he wasn't paying attention earlier. but that's what he would have done if rose or john or jade were here: tighten in and focus on the ally who he could count on, and the people he cared about. ]

You can...do whatever you want, though. I'm fine. Someone cooked me dinner earlier, in the kitchen?

[ no one has ever done that before and he's still wigged out. ]

And I have, like, two hundred pens.

[ a good substitute for family. ]

[He doesn't think Dave will believe him, no matter what he says. It's okay, he thinks. He doesn't deserve that trust anyway, and he probably won't be that helpful. There's a quiet, pained resignation in his expression, but he's looking down because for Dirk even now it's hard to accept it.]

You have your reasons not to trust me, in terms of what I think about you and what I want, or how I'll act when the chips are down. Like you said, you don't even know who I am.

[It's fair and it's reasonable, and Dirk can't blame Dave for it a bit.

But.]

I still want to know you. Do you... would you want me to cook dinner for you some time? Or—whatever. If you can't trust what I'd make that's fine, I just—[He's talking nonsense again after he had tried so hard to make himself coherent and clear in expression, so he cuts himself off.]

You know how to cook?

[ what the fuck ]

Like in a kitchen?

[ WHAT THE FUCK forget the other conversation or literally anything else he's just staring blankly again. like...presumably bro fed himself somehow? but god knows dave never saw him doing anything of the sort.

(what the fuck) ]

[....]

....Yes? No one else was gonna make food for me those sixteen years.

But you cook in your kitchen? Or like...do you have some secret firepit somewhere where you do all your cookin'.

[ dave? ]

I. No? I cook in my kitchen mostly? Sometimes I do grills on the rooftop but it's a pain in the ass to get it set-up?

[THIS IS NOT THE LINE OF INQUIRY HE HAS EXPECTED HERE]

So...like...what's in your fridge??

[ WHATEVER DIRK YOU CAN SHUT UP and by shut up i mean answer these questions while dave continues staring at dirk like he's a lunatic ]

Fish? Mostly fish. And, like, cephalopods and shellfish and kinda weird creatures that bred after the Condesce's invasion. Some kinds of kelp I can eat. I don't touch the seagulls and I like to keep the soda in the crawlspace or my sylladex.

[IS THIS WEIRD???]

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