WEEK ZERO: FRIDAY, 10PM, THE POOL

[parodeity]

[ should dirk choose to take dave up on the haphazard offer, he'll find the fourteen-year-old knight of time sitting crosslegged by the pool shed, his back leaning up against it. he has a monogrammed innsmouth motel paper pad and a red pen he got somewhere and is doodling to keep himself from freaking the fuck out. just shitty comics and random asides. he's kind of hunched over it, but.

dave also apparently found a wristwatch somewhere, though it looks like it's from the 1950s, so that's new.

he will pause in his mindless doodling when he hears anyone, eyes flicking up (he has not taken the shades off), and speaks in a much more measured manner than he ended the last conversation: ]

Sup. [ like he didn't snap at dirk or spend the rest of the day dreading a thing he legitimately offered. no big deal. ]

Comments

[splinten]

[Wow okay now he wishes he had his glasses because he's embarrassed. He kinda looks like a deer caught in headlights, if that deer was a socially awkward teenager and the headlights were admitting something very pathetically clingy.]

I... did not grow up actually talking to other human beings for a really long time so I learned watching movies and crap. Most accents there were the General American accent that Hollywood uses. In all your interviews, though, you had... that one. [He gestures at Dave lightly.]

So... [Don't make him say it. Do not make him say he copied it on purpose and now he slips in and out of it all the time without meaning to.]

[parodeity]

Oh.

[ what the fuck. ]

I learned what a fridge is actually for and how to like, do most domestic shit from movies. [ like that somehow makes it...better... ]

[splinten]

Did I—[He remembers how Dave put it, corrects himself, and then rephrases his sentence altogether because 'Did he seriously not do any of that?' clearly has a strong affirmative yes.] Cool. We should form a, like, club for socially incompetent kids who learned really basic things about normal existence from movies. We could have weekly meetings to watch 1950s help videos.

[parodeity]

Did you what?

[ HE DOESN'T...know how to take the offer to spend time with him (again) because what even is that still so he just focuses on the sentence that didn't get finished. ]

[splinten]

Did I, he—did he really not do any of those things. But you said he didn't, so obviously he didn't. It's just... fuckin' crazy to me, to imagine.

[So, yeah. Well said Dirk. A+]

[parodeity]

...He taught me to fight, kinda?

[ "kinda" ]

[splinten]

[Dirk feels the pit of his stomach just vanish into nowhere. Maybe the Dark Room. That makes sense. It has gone to the Dark Room and now he just has a vague sense of dread where his stomach used to be.]

Kinda.

[parodeity]

[ a shrug. ]

Sink or swim. [ it's not like there was ever another option. he doesn't mention he usually sunk. ] I learned to mix watchin' him, too.

[ that's...still not really Interactive learning, but okay, dave. ]

[splinten]

[He can see the logic but also he can't. He pushed Jake hard and that was fucked up, but when they got the chance to spar together Dirk leapt for the chance to do it in person so yeah his training methods are fucked up but he wouldn't have it as. 'Watching.']

Did he—he never interacted with you. Like a real interaction, I mean. [He rephrased it from a question because he realized it had to be true.]

[parodeity]

We strifed all the time. Trainin'. [ like, bro never TALKED during these interactions, generally??? but they did...occur...

at random fucking hours dave could never predict. ]

I'm pretty sure he must've fed me when I was a baby?

[splinten]

That isn't interacting like real people. It isn't even interactin' on the awkward level of this. [This terrible awkward weird conversation where Dirk isn't sure he's even a person. He still knows it's a step up.] For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I don't know a lot of it, but from what I do know I was wrong to raise you like that and you deserved better.

[parodeity]

[ an awkward shrug. ]

He...didn't always ignore me. He monitored me.

[splinten]

Like.... Surveillance? [That. Is not better, Dave.]

[parodeity]

Well, yeah? Just...flashsteppin' around or whatever, or the webcams. [ that's totally better. ] Leavin' notes or comics or whatnot.

[ that part could sound almost nice except they were frequently like, comics about accidental murder and also the notes were usually "roof now". ]

[splinten]

[Well first part isn't good. Second part... he's unsure of?] What kind of comics or notes? Like... jokes for you to share?

[parodeity]

Uh...I guess I could draw one for you? I vaguely remember the last one. But he drew better than me. I dunno, you might find it funny.

[ like. dave doesn't? but it is possible dirk might. ]

[splinten]

You kinda broke your pen. [Drawing one feels like it isn't a possibility.]

[parodeity]

I said I have two hundred. I mean, I only have like ten on me, but.

[ he digs in his pocket and produces another red pen.

he...

he apparently was not joking? about having 200 red pens? what the fuck did he spend his day doing. ]

[splinten]

[That. What?]

How were there that many specifically red pens? Also, why did you bring, like, ten?

[parodeity]

There were infinite pens, and they were red and blue and black. I ignored the non-red options.

[ BUT...WHY 200? ]

And in case somethin' happened to one, I guess?

[ ... ]

I have some dentures, too.

[splinten]

[...]

On you?

[parodeity]

[ ... ]

Yes?

[ he like. takes them out and clacks the two teeth sides together. ]

[splinten]

[holy shit he can't

THIS DAY HAS BEEN TOO MUCH AND DAVE IS CLACKING DENTURES WHICH WERE IN HIS POCKETS JUST BECAUSE HE

he bursts into laughter because what the fuck]

[parodeity]

[













what ]

[splinten]

[It's just a Bro-shaped person, who took his shades off by Dave's request, laughing loudly and clearly at something Dave did. What's weird about that?]