WEEK ZERO: FRIDAY, 10PM, THE POOL

[parodeity]

[ should dirk choose to take dave up on the haphazard offer, he'll find the fourteen-year-old knight of time sitting crosslegged by the pool shed, his back leaning up against it. he has a monogrammed innsmouth motel paper pad and a red pen he got somewhere and is doodling to keep himself from freaking the fuck out. just shitty comics and random asides. he's kind of hunched over it, but.

dave also apparently found a wristwatch somewhere, though it looks like it's from the 1950s, so that's new.

he will pause in his mindless doodling when he hears anyone, eyes flicking up (he has not taken the shades off), and speaks in a much more measured manner than he ended the last conversation: ]

Sup. [ like he didn't snap at dirk or spend the rest of the day dreading a thing he legitimately offered. no big deal. ]

Comments

[parodeity]

You know how to cook?

[ what the fuck ]

Like in a kitchen?

[ WHAT THE FUCK forget the other conversation or literally anything else he's just staring blankly again. like...presumably bro fed himself somehow? but god knows dave never saw him doing anything of the sort.

(what the fuck) ]

[splinten]

[....]

....Yes? No one else was gonna make food for me those sixteen years.

[parodeity]

But you cook in your kitchen? Or like...do you have some secret firepit somewhere where you do all your cookin'.

[ dave? ]

[splinten]

I. No? I cook in my kitchen mostly? Sometimes I do grills on the rooftop but it's a pain in the ass to get it set-up?

[THIS IS NOT THE LINE OF INQUIRY HE HAS EXPECTED HERE]

[parodeity]

So...like...what's in your fridge??

[ WHATEVER DIRK YOU CAN SHUT UP and by shut up i mean answer these questions while dave continues staring at dirk like he's a lunatic ]

[splinten]

Fish? Mostly fish. And, like, cephalopods and shellfish and kinda weird creatures that bred after the Condesce's invasion. Some kinds of kelp I can eat. I don't touch the seagulls and I like to keep the soda in the crawlspace or my sylladex.

[IS THIS WEIRD???]

[parodeity]

Where do you keep your swords?

[ ..........CLEARLY..............UNRELATED TO THE FRIDGE INTERROGATIOn no seriously what the fuck ]

[splinten]

[This... is baffling?] I keep my katana in my sylladex and the Sord in my room by the transportalizer. I don't have any other swords.

[parodeity]

What about your other weapons???

[ THERE IS LIKE AN ENTIRE GODDAMN ARMORY IN HIS KITCHEN, WHY IS THAT NOT UNIVERSAL? ]

[splinten]

[Uh.] I usually equip Cal to puppetkind but I lost him in the transfer to Sburb. I have a tacky Santa thing from Roxy's house that I equipped to fncysntakind. Sometimes I have a grenade in my sylladex?

[He's trying to think of other weapons. He is blanking because HE DOES NOT HAVE A FUCKING ARMORY IN HIS KITCHEN.]

I gave Sawtooth some grenades to use? He's a robot rapper I built.

[parodeity]

[ dave utterly freezes at the mention of cal but unfreezes at "lost him" so there's that. ]

Oh.

[ just "oh", okay, that. figures? is weird? holy shit. ]

So you're into puppets.

[ at least we are off the topic of kitchens, however: we have now hit the topic of puppets, and is that any better. ]

[splinten]

Yeah? [Based on the reaction to Cal, he has a feeling he shouldn't be.] I... think they're cool. I made some? Based on the ones you left behind for me.

[parodeity]

I left you puppets?

[ jesus christ. ]

That's cool.

[ said like he's saying "well there's a pool over there what if i go drown myself in it" ]

[splinten]

[He feels bad? Like. He made mistakes.] We can talk about something else? If you want. [Maybe he shouldn't say it was SBAHJ merch.]

[parodeity]

Yeah, fine, I don't really wanna get into this.

[ however he doesn't immediately suggest a new topic guess that's up to dirk??? ]

[splinten]

[Give him a second. A second of staring helplessly. He still hasn't put his shades on.

He tries,]

Do you wanna see my tattoo?

[parodeity]

You have a tattoo??

[ aren't you like sixteen. ]

[splinten]

Yeah, I did it myself.

[It's a little shy, but he does it. He pulls up his sleeve and shows Dave:

THE MOST TERRIBLE TATTOO. Sure, you know what it looks like, but you have to see it again just to remind yourself of the full horrible experience.

He is staring at Dave with wide eyes because he wants to know what he thinks.]

[parodeity]

[ okay. like. dave stares? he just stares.

AND THEN HE SNAPS, BECAUSE THIS IS UNFAIR: ]

Okay what the fuck maybe I do want to get into it. What the hell!

[ actually he will just stand up, upending his pen and pad onto the ground and kind of Abandoning them to just kind of pace around.

there is something uniquely unfair about the fact that some alternate version of his brother who doesn't even know him has more of an interest in him than the guy he spent thirteen years with.

it's unfair it's happening now instead of at any point over the first thirteen years of his life when he needed it. except he didn't need it, did he? he's fine. or - something. okay, pacing around trying to get rid of excess energy or nerves or whatever isn't "fine" but he doesn't know what else to do with himself.

he finally stops doing that when he turns to face dirk and says, almost angry: ]

You've spoken to me more today than my brother ever did in thirteen fuckin' years.

[ and it's unfair? it's so unfair. he has a tattoo of dave's dumb comic and offered to make him dinner or whatever and it's jarring and highlights, again, how...

utterly bereft of anything he always has been. ]

And I'm barely even exaggeratin'.

[splinten]

[Oh. Okay then. Dirk watches as Dave just. Stands up and leaves the chaos of a broken pen and some paper and goes into pacing mode. Dirk doesn't try to interrupt him as he moves, staring in surprise and maybe some worry, watching him turn and move, and worrying that he will mess up if he speaks.

And then Dave speaks. And what he says is.]

What?

[He can't quite believe it. Dirk has always been an asshole, he knows that. He can be manipulative and shitty and heartless but the one thing he pretty sure he isn't is capable of not interacting with people he cares a lot about. He can be a fucking monster towards them, but he can't cut them off. He didn't even manage it with Jake when he swore to himself he'd stop being such a miserable influence on his life.

So.

What?]

[parodeity]

You just - he just - [ dave drags his hands down his face. ] Why would you bother to talk to me, I was basically the lowest tier of anythin' in the fuckin' apartment, below like - god, everything, but when's the last time I ranked it? Cal, obviously, top tier, sure loved that dude! [ he did not love that dude but may be saying that's what bro did. it's not clear because he's kind of ranting and it's not even directed at dirk fully so much as @ the universe in a fit of irritation that apparently it wasn't impossible it not be like that. ]

Then below it, what, Mr. T? Kermit. Puppets! Just all the puppets, the entire fuckin' cabal, and the smuppets, then the weapons and maybe the porn sites? Those weird videos and comics and maybe the video games and the goddamn art of irony and then WAY down at the bottom we have the runty afterthought except actually I don't even get on the scale! The scale is for things he liked or even cared about.

[ ok dave does not seem capable of leaving the topic of puppets alone apparently today in "complete meltdowns" we are visiting the topic of puppets, and how he hates them, and also, they suck. ]

Or I think this was a pyramid whatever I don't get to be on it because you hated me.

[splinten]

I... hated you?

[There's so much to take in here and while, yeah, he loves puppets, and he's kinda curious about the porn sites tbh, but of all of it this is the most deeply what the fuck of them.]

[parodeity]

You [ course-correct: ] he had to have, what the fuck other explanation was there. Everyone else got guardians they're all like, pumped to see again! Or I guess John and Jade would be if they even know what we're doin' which John probably does not but Jade might, but like, Rose wants to see her Mom again! Hell Rose wanted to see Bro, she should be here, not me, it's Lovecraft and the chance to get to meet people she actually wants to get to meet! Like they complained so goddamn much about them when we were younger and for a long time I figured they were bein' legit but it was obvious their guardians actually gave a flyin' fuck and would've done anything for them and I didn't get that! I don't get that.

[ and it's so stupid to care. but he's been thinking about at least that, even if he hasn't been thinking about...how to deal with it or anything else because how do you even approach it. ]

No, let's give Dave the violent psychopathic robot with the stylistically sociopathic approach to parentin' because, I dunno, fuck him in particular?

[ he wouldn't call it abuse because he doesn't think about it like that but, you know what? it's actually bullshit how a perfect stranger is treating him more like a human being and it's completely unfair that he seems to be doing so without a shred of irony, and dave doesn't even know how to deal with that so he's just.

god what is he even doing here. ]

And what the fuck was it about me that made you not this???

[ he's literally directing most of this at the ground angrily and also mostly to himself so is this even inviting audience participation or. what.

dave kicks the ground and does not feel better. ]

[splinten]

[It's so much to take in and he's left wordless, just trying to process the concept, the idea that Dirk could hate Dave. That he could—do this to Dave, make it so Dave would feel like this meeting him. He doesn't think it's crazy Dave might not want to be near him, anyone good would hate him as long as they weren't too loving to forgive him or look past it, and Dave is good, Dirk can tell that, but this is—

He doesn't know what this is. This is wrong.

It isn't fair.

He doesn't even know what to stay, he can't stop staring. It just doesn't seem possible that he wouldn't love Dave. It's impossible to imagine he wouldn't be smothering.]

[parodeity]

I...don't even know why I'm talkin' about this, he's dead, you're completely unrelated to any of it, and from the way shit's goin' here it probably won't even matter after whatever-this-is kills me.

[ he can't actually keep up the rant steam and kind of. comes to a stop uselessly.

at least he hasn't said...much...of use...? well he got weird about kitchens and explained he was hated and puppets were preferred but there aren't really any details and no one even needs those. ]