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[parodeity]

DAVE STRIDER

consider this your warning about stairs. itll just keep happening bro. im telling you man

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

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[windeity]

[He doesn't even bother to move it, but thanks Dave.] ...you mean swapping when we feel like it?

[parodeity]

I mean...if you ever want me to like...maul your neck and boss you around. I can. For you I could pretty much...you know. Do whatever. It ain't my natural first instinct I guess, but that's to, like, make you happy? So maybe it is.

[windeity]

[...he's just grinning, give him a moment.] I get it. My first instinct is to make you happy, too. Luckily I don't always want you to maul the shit out of my neck and I can be content in other ways such as you doing all the math on our bills and then coming with me to figure out what the hell these tickets are for.

[parodeity]

[ god. dave picks the bill up again. pretend he doesn't have a small impossibly fond smile on his face. ] Like I'd let you handle the bills. Then I might have to handle the cooking...and I'm always game for memory item russian roulette. [ ... ] I don't always want certain things from you either, but uh - thanks. For...doing them, and y'know.

[windeity]

[He sits up just enough to kiss him.] I'd do anything you asked. That was true even before we were dating though. Thank you for figuring out this relationship with me.

[parodeity]

[ glad dave's going to hunch over at an awkward angle to kiss back. for about five seconds until john stops and then there's an annoyed noise as he tosses the bills to the coffee table. ] Okay, either we do the tickets or we get more comfortable because I love you but ow my neck?

[windeity]

You do not get to talk to me about neck pain, Strider. [But he finally sits all the way up and crawls out of Dave's lap, reaching down to grab his hand to pull him up.] Tickets though. I want to see what they are.

[parodeity]

I do so, because you enjoyed your neck pain. [ dave licks his lips, but uh blood is less appealing now it's just...automatic. he takes john's hand and allows himself to be hauled to his feet. ]

[windeity]

Maybe a little too much. [He keeps his fingers laced with Dave's though and moves to grab his car keys and also an extra sweater to toss at Dave.] I'll drive.

[parodeity]

Yeah, well. It's not like I didn't enjoy it. [ dave lets go of john's hand to pull on the sweater. ]

[windeity]

Next time I feel like being bit I'll let you know immediately. [Probably soon. Whatever. He waits patiently before he heads out, waiting for Dave to follow before locking the front door and heading over to open Dave's door as usual. To the waffle house!]

[parodeity]

Is it weird I have residual feelings of bloodlust. [ yes. but he slides into the car and buckles up. to the waffle house! ]

[windeity]

Yes. Please don't bite any of our friends this time. [Driving! The drive to Wiffle-Waffle isn't that long, at least, and by the time John parks the place isn't so packed.] I have four tickets so far. Do you want me to read you what they are or just pick one at random?

[parodeity]

Pretty much exclusively focused on you. [ clarifying! with horrible shit. ] Also, random is always the answer.

[windeity]

I'd rather you suck something else, but that can be whenever. [Sure, let's make jokes about it. He grabs for the four tickets, holding up the first one and squinting a little.]

...hey, does the word "Homosuck" mean anything to you?

[parodeity]

...uh, that you really really want me to suck your dick?

[ a blowjob joke followed by the word homosuck leads to only this conclusion. ]

[windeity]

Yes, but that probably wouldn't be on this ticket if that's the only thing it meant. Come on. [Out of the car and to the mailbox he goes. He's waiting for Dave (he opened the door for him at least before disappearing) but when he hears Dave walking closer he shoves the ticket in the mailbox...

...and produces three shitty cardboard cut-outs of Dave, Rose and Jade.]

[parodeity]

[ a long pause. ]

...

[ it continues. ]

Dude, what the fuck? Did you make a stick figure me to role play with.

[windeity]

No! First of all, if I was going to do that I would make you more than a stick figure, but secondly why would I do that in the first place?

[parodeity]

What would you make me? [ sort of interested. ] Also I don't know you're kind of ridiculous sometimes? Especially thirteen year old you.

[windeity]

I don't know, a sculpture? I could at least carry that around. Anyway this isn't from thirteen year old me. Or sixteen year old me. This is from...maybe that green-skulled guy? I think.

[parodeity]

Uh...Lord English?

[ he knows someone is named lord english okay. ]

[windeity]

Who the fuck is Lord English? [Why this.] No dude, I meant that guy I beat up in my memories. I think I told you about him?

[parodeity]

I'm pretty sure he's the final boss? Like...after Betty Crocker.

[ they have too many final bosses. ]

[windeity]

Probably one of the ones we split up to go fight later, like how we were fighting Betty Crocker and also the dogs. Anyway, he was doing this, like, weird comic thing with you guys. I kind of remember it now but I think I ignored it after I was buried in a bunch of paper-yous.