WELL YOU CAN BE VARIOUS LEVELS OF A PAIN. BUT TYPICALLY NOT THE KIND OF PAIN THAT REALLY BOTHERS ME.
I ALSO NEED TO APOLOGIZE FOR SOMETHING ELSE THOUGH. I TOLD YOU THAT IT WASN'T ANYONE IN PARTICULAR THAT MADE ME DECIDE TO CHANGE SOME STUFF. BUT THAT WAS A LIE? OF COURSE I DID IT FOR YOU. YOU GET MAD WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO CHANGE SHIT SPECIFICALLY FOR YOU THOUGH SO I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY THAT. BUT JAKE TOLD ME THAT I NEED TO BE MORE HONEST, OR WHATEVER. SO. SORRY FOR LYING.
YEAH. SURE, I DESERVE THAT. I DON'T WANT TO LIE IS MY POINT. I KNOW YOU SAID THOSE BOUNDARIES DON'T MATTER ANYMORE BUT... THEY DO? BUT I THINK THERE'S LIKE, MORE OF THEM THAN YOU NEVER FLAT OUT SAID TO ME BUT THEY EXIST SOMEWHERE. SO I'M NOT SURE WHAT ISSUES ARE ISSUES THAT YOU DON'T ACTUALLY WANT ME TOUCHING UNTIL AFTER I RUBBED MY CLAWS ALL OVER THEM.
THEY DO. UGH ALRIGHT. HERE'S THE THING. WE KEEP HAVING THESE CONVERSATIONS, AND THEN THE MOMENT ONE OF US GETS UPSET, WE CUT THEM OFF. AND THEN WE STOP TALKING FOR A WEEK OR TWO. WHICH IS, YOU KNOW, FINE. EXCEPT THEN WE KEEP STARTING OVER FROM THE BEGINNING AND THE CYCLE JUST REPEATS AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.
I WANT TO? BUT YOU KIND OF JUST GAVE ME THE LIST AND THEN PROCEEDED TO NEVER DISCUSS IT EVER AGAIN. AND I KNOW YOU ACTUALLY ACTIVELY SPOKE WITH DIRK WHEN YOU WERE DEALING WITH YOUR THING. YOU KNOW, WHEN WE DID THAT BOARD GAME THING WITH THE OTHERS? I APPRECIATE DIRK FOR STEPPING IN TO HELP US. BUT AS SOON AS HE DID, YOU BASICALLY JUST STOPPED TALKING TO ME AT ALL AND DIRECTED EVERYTHING AT HIM UNLESS HE MADE YOU TALK TO ME. AND I THINK THAT WAS WHEN IT REALLY STARTED TO HIT ME HOW EXTREMELY FUCKED UP ALL OF THIS IS. BECAUSE UNTIL THEN I STILL HAD THIS HOPE THAT WE'D DATE AGAIN? AND I KNOW IT'S STUPID OF ME TO BE AIMING FOR THAT WHEN WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE FOCUSING ON OUR FRIENDSHIP. BUT IT MADE ME REALIZE THAT YOU DON'T REALLY WANT THE SAME THING.
I KNOW. I MEAN THAT, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT STUFF THEN FINE. IT'S JUST THAT IF WE NEVER TALK ABOUT ANYTHING THEN THIS DUMB CYCLE IS JUST GOING TO KEEP HAPPENING OVER AND OVER. AND I GUESS YOU SEEM TO BE OK WITH THAT??
I DIDN'T SAY THAT I KNEW *WHY*. JUST THAT I AM AWARE THAT IT IS. AND OF COURSE I DON'T KNOW WHY BECAUSE I AM PRETTY AWARE THAT I'M NOT ALLOWED TO KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE. AND AGAIN, I DESERVE THAT! I JUST REALLY DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU.
YEAH. I KIND OF NEED TO IN ORDER FOR THIS TO MAKE SENSE SO IT WON'T COME OFF AS MY USUAL COMPLAINING. YOU KNOW OUR DENIZENS? MINE WAS REALLY... PATHETIC. I MEAN THAT LITERALLY. IT WAS THIS TINY, WEAK THING THAT LOOKED LIKE YOU COULD BEAT IT AT LEVEL FUCKING ONE. IT WAS UNBEARABLY EASY TO DEFEAT. I THOUGHT THAT THE GAME WAS JUST MOCKING ME? TRYING TO TELL ME THAT I WASN'T FIT FOR THE POSITION OF THE LEADER. BUT I GUESS NOW IT JUST THOUGHT THAT THE ONLY WAY I WOULD BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING WAS IF IT MADE IT AS WEAK AS POSSIBLE. IT KIND OF STUNG THAT THIS GAME, THAT WAS CREATED TO BE DIFFICULT AS ALL FUCK TO GET THROUGH, FELT SORRY ENOUGH FOR ME TO DO THAT. LIKE I WASN'T A PLAYER THAT REALLY MATTERED? I KNOW THAT BLOOD COLOR SHIT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER TO YOU OR ANYONE ELSE HERE. BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO SPEND YOUR ENTIRE LIFE KNOWING THAT YOU'RE SOME FREAK OF NATURE IN YOUR SOCIETY AND THAT THE MOMENT ANYONE FOUND OUT, THEY WOULD CULL YOU? SO I HAD TO TRY REALLY, *REALLY* HARD TO MAKE SURE I WAS A REAL TROLL. SO THAT NO ONE WOULD EXPECT OTHERWISE. AND SEEING THAT DENIZEN MADE ME REALIZE JUST HOW WORTHLESS ALL THAT WORK I DID WAS. BY THE TIME WE GOT TO THE FINAL BATTLE I THOUGHT I WAS OVER IT? I WAS GOOD WITH BEING THE SIDEKICK. IT WAS FINE. AND THEN WE GOT HERE, AND ALL OF YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN KICKING ASS? DISCOVERING THE KHARAA AND TALKING WITH THE EMPEROR AND SEA DRAGON AND ALL OF THAT. MEANWHILE ALL OF MY CONTRIBUTIONS WERE FROM ME SCREWING UP AND SOMEHOW GETTING SOMETHING USEFUL OUT OF IT ACCIDENTALLY. IT WAS KIND OF JUST CONSTANT REMINDERS, OVER AND OVER AGAIN, THAT I'M JUST A FUCKUP ABOUT EVERYTHING. SO I THOUGHT THAT I COULD HANDLE THINGS BY MYSELF. AND THAT I DIDN'T NEED OTHER PEOPLE TO LOOK AFTER ME BECAUSE I COULD PROVE TO BE NOT USELESS. AND. SORRY.
I JUST WANTED YOU TO HAVE A CLEARER IDEA AS TO WHY I KEPT DOING STUPID SHIT BY MYSELF. EVEN IF IT TURNED OUT TO BE THE WRONG THING TO DO IN THE END? I'M NOT TRYING TO MAKE UP AN EXCUSE OR ANYTHING. I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU JUST UNDERSTAND A LITTLE, I GUESS, EVEN IF IT'S DUMB AS FUCK.
you literally said us all doing shit made you go off and do whatever none of this is really my business honestly so like you can go do shit alone if thats what you wanna do man
NO, I SAID THAT I FELT LIKE I WASN'T DOING ENOUGH TO HELP. WHAT YOU SAID IS IMPLYING THAT I'M PLACING THE BLAME ON YOU GUYS FOR MY RIDICULOUS INSECURITIES WHEN, NO, IT'S ON ME. AND I DON'T WANT TO GO ALONE!
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I WAS KIND OF A MASSIVE ASSWIPE.
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sorry for being a pain
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YOU'RE NEVER A PAIN?
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sorry for being an asshole as well i meant
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BUT TYPICALLY NOT THE KIND OF PAIN THAT REALLY BOTHERS ME.
I ALSO NEED TO APOLOGIZE FOR SOMETHING ELSE THOUGH.
I TOLD YOU THAT IT WASN'T ANYONE IN PARTICULAR THAT MADE ME DECIDE TO CHANGE SOME STUFF.
BUT THAT WAS A LIE?
OF COURSE I DID IT FOR YOU. YOU GET MAD WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO CHANGE SHIT SPECIFICALLY FOR YOU THOUGH SO I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY THAT.
BUT JAKE TOLD ME THAT I NEED TO BE MORE HONEST, OR WHATEVER. SO.
SORRY FOR LYING.
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youre not like obligated to tell me the truth about shit
any more than im obligated to tell you the truth about shit
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I DON'T WANT TO LIE IS MY POINT.
I KNOW YOU SAID THOSE BOUNDARIES DON'T MATTER ANYMORE BUT... THEY DO?
BUT I THINK THERE'S LIKE, MORE OF THEM THAN YOU NEVER FLAT OUT SAID TO ME BUT THEY EXIST SOMEWHERE.
SO I'M NOT SURE WHAT ISSUES ARE ISSUES THAT YOU DON'T ACTUALLY WANT ME TOUCHING UNTIL AFTER I RUBBED MY CLAWS ALL OVER THEM.
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dirks literally the only person alive those work for
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UGH ALRIGHT.
HERE'S THE THING.
WE KEEP HAVING THESE CONVERSATIONS, AND THEN THE MOMENT ONE OF US GETS UPSET, WE CUT THEM OFF.
AND THEN WE STOP TALKING FOR A WEEK OR TWO. WHICH IS, YOU KNOW, FINE.
EXCEPT THEN WE KEEP STARTING OVER FROM THE BEGINNING AND THE CYCLE JUST REPEATS AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.
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just forget about them
you couldnt even really stick to them so lets forget the experiment
those do seem to be the facts yeah
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BUT YOU KIND OF JUST GAVE ME THE LIST AND THEN PROCEEDED TO NEVER DISCUSS IT EVER AGAIN.
AND I KNOW YOU ACTUALLY ACTIVELY SPOKE WITH DIRK WHEN YOU WERE DEALING WITH YOUR THING.
YOU KNOW, WHEN WE DID THAT BOARD GAME THING WITH THE OTHERS?
I APPRECIATE DIRK FOR STEPPING IN TO HELP US.
BUT AS SOON AS HE DID, YOU BASICALLY JUST STOPPED TALKING TO ME AT ALL AND DIRECTED EVERYTHING AT HIM UNLESS HE MADE YOU TALK TO ME.
AND I THINK THAT WAS WHEN IT REALLY STARTED TO HIT ME HOW EXTREMELY FUCKED UP ALL OF THIS IS.
BECAUSE UNTIL THEN I STILL HAD THIS HOPE THAT WE'D DATE AGAIN? AND I KNOW IT'S STUPID OF ME TO BE AIMING FOR THAT WHEN WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE FOCUSING ON OUR FRIENDSHIP.
BUT IT MADE ME REALIZE THAT YOU
DON'T REALLY WANT THE SAME THING.
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I MEAN THAT, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT STUFF THEN FINE.
IT'S JUST THAT IF WE NEVER TALK ABOUT ANYTHING THEN THIS DUMB CYCLE IS JUST GOING TO KEEP HAPPENING OVER AND OVER.
AND I GUESS YOU SEEM TO BE
OK WITH THAT??
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you dont get why its different
you think you do but you really dont im pretty sure
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JUST THAT I AM AWARE THAT IT IS.
AND OF COURSE I DON'T KNOW WHY BECAUSE I AM PRETTY AWARE THAT I'M NOT ALLOWED TO KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE.
AND AGAIN, I DESERVE THAT!
I JUST REALLY DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU.
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i dont really care
what do you want to talk about
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IT'S NOT LIKE I CAME HERE WITH A LIST PREPARED OR ANYTHING.
CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING THAT I'VE ONLY TOLD KANAYA BEFORE?
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are you sure you actually want to
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I KIND OF NEED TO IN ORDER FOR THIS TO MAKE SENSE SO IT WON'T COME OFF AS MY USUAL COMPLAINING.
YOU KNOW OUR DENIZENS? MINE WAS REALLY... PATHETIC.
I MEAN THAT LITERALLY. IT WAS THIS TINY, WEAK THING THAT LOOKED LIKE YOU COULD BEAT IT AT LEVEL FUCKING ONE.
IT WAS UNBEARABLY EASY TO DEFEAT.
I THOUGHT THAT THE GAME WAS JUST MOCKING ME? TRYING TO TELL ME THAT I WASN'T FIT FOR THE POSITION OF THE LEADER.
BUT I GUESS NOW IT JUST THOUGHT THAT THE ONLY WAY I WOULD BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING WAS IF IT MADE IT AS WEAK AS POSSIBLE.
IT KIND OF STUNG THAT THIS GAME, THAT WAS CREATED TO BE DIFFICULT AS ALL FUCK TO GET THROUGH, FELT SORRY ENOUGH FOR ME TO DO THAT.
LIKE I WASN'T A PLAYER THAT REALLY MATTERED?
I KNOW THAT BLOOD COLOR SHIT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER TO YOU OR ANYONE ELSE HERE.
BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO SPEND YOUR ENTIRE LIFE KNOWING THAT YOU'RE SOME FREAK OF NATURE IN YOUR SOCIETY AND THAT THE MOMENT ANYONE FOUND OUT, THEY WOULD CULL YOU?
SO I HAD TO TRY REALLY, *REALLY* HARD TO MAKE SURE I WAS A REAL TROLL. SO THAT NO ONE WOULD EXPECT OTHERWISE.
AND SEEING THAT DENIZEN MADE ME REALIZE JUST HOW WORTHLESS ALL THAT WORK I DID WAS.
BY THE TIME WE GOT TO THE FINAL BATTLE I THOUGHT I WAS OVER IT?
I WAS GOOD WITH BEING THE SIDEKICK. IT WAS FINE.
AND THEN WE GOT HERE, AND ALL OF YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN KICKING ASS?
DISCOVERING THE KHARAA AND TALKING WITH THE EMPEROR AND SEA DRAGON AND ALL OF THAT.
MEANWHILE ALL OF MY CONTRIBUTIONS WERE FROM ME SCREWING UP AND SOMEHOW GETTING SOMETHING USEFUL OUT OF IT ACCIDENTALLY.
IT WAS KIND OF JUST CONSTANT REMINDERS, OVER AND OVER AGAIN, THAT I'M JUST A FUCKUP ABOUT EVERYTHING.
SO I THOUGHT THAT I COULD HANDLE THINGS BY MYSELF. AND THAT I DIDN'T NEED OTHER PEOPLE TO LOOK AFTER ME BECAUSE I COULD PROVE TO BE NOT USELESS.
AND. SORRY.
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im not sure what to do with that but
thanks for telling me i guess
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EVEN IF IT TURNED OUT TO BE THE WRONG THING TO DO IN THE END?
I'M NOT TRYING TO MAKE UP AN EXCUSE OR ANYTHING.
I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU JUST UNDERSTAND A LITTLE, I GUESS, EVEN IF IT'S DUMB AS FUCK.
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yeah ok
understanding that doesnt really
help me with my main issue with that
but thanks for the attempt
sorry to have caused that i guess?
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I'M NOT BLAMING YOU OR ANYTHING.
I JUST REALLY FUCKING WANT TO FIX THIS AND WHAT WE'VE BEEN DOING TIL NOW HAS NOT BEEN WORKING.
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none of this is really my business honestly so like
you can go do shit alone if thats what you wanna do man
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WHAT YOU SAID IS IMPLYING THAT I'M PLACING THE BLAME ON YOU GUYS FOR MY RIDICULOUS INSECURITIES WHEN, NO, IT'S ON ME.
AND I DON'T WANT TO GO ALONE!
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