parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 3.0;

the thing with dirk is different

I KNOW.
I MEAN THAT, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT STUFF THEN FINE.
IT'S JUST THAT IF WE NEVER TALK ABOUT ANYTHING THEN THIS DUMB CYCLE IS JUST GOING TO KEEP HAPPENING OVER AND OVER.
AND I GUESS YOU SEEM TO BE
OK WITH THAT??

no you dont know
you dont get why its different
you think you do but you really dont im pretty sure

I DIDN'T SAY THAT I KNEW *WHY*.
JUST THAT I AM AWARE THAT IT IS.
AND OF COURSE I DON'T KNOW WHY BECAUSE I AM PRETTY AWARE THAT I'M NOT ALLOWED TO KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE.
AND AGAIN, I DESERVE THAT!
I JUST REALLY DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU.

you can ask him what he thinks the reason is if you really want
i dont really care

what do you want to talk about

I DUNNO.
IT'S NOT LIKE I CAME HERE WITH A LIST PREPARED OR ANYTHING.
CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING THAT I'VE ONLY TOLD KANAYA BEFORE?

i mean you can but
are you sure you actually want to

YEAH.
I KIND OF NEED TO IN ORDER FOR THIS TO MAKE SENSE SO IT WON'T COME OFF AS MY USUAL COMPLAINING.
YOU KNOW OUR DENIZENS? MINE WAS REALLY... PATHETIC.
I MEAN THAT LITERALLY. IT WAS THIS TINY, WEAK THING THAT LOOKED LIKE YOU COULD BEAT IT AT LEVEL FUCKING ONE.
IT WAS UNBEARABLY EASY TO DEFEAT.
I THOUGHT THAT THE GAME WAS JUST MOCKING ME? TRYING TO TELL ME THAT I WASN'T FIT FOR THE POSITION OF THE LEADER.
BUT I GUESS NOW IT JUST THOUGHT THAT THE ONLY WAY I WOULD BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING WAS IF IT MADE IT AS WEAK AS POSSIBLE.
IT KIND OF STUNG THAT THIS GAME, THAT WAS CREATED TO BE DIFFICULT AS ALL FUCK TO GET THROUGH, FELT SORRY ENOUGH FOR ME TO DO THAT.
LIKE I WASN'T A PLAYER THAT REALLY MATTERED?
I KNOW THAT BLOOD COLOR SHIT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER TO YOU OR ANYONE ELSE HERE.
BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO SPEND YOUR ENTIRE LIFE KNOWING THAT YOU'RE SOME FREAK OF NATURE IN YOUR SOCIETY AND THAT THE MOMENT ANYONE FOUND OUT, THEY WOULD CULL YOU?
SO I HAD TO TRY REALLY, *REALLY* HARD TO MAKE SURE I WAS A REAL TROLL. SO THAT NO ONE WOULD EXPECT OTHERWISE.
AND SEEING THAT DENIZEN MADE ME REALIZE JUST HOW WORTHLESS ALL THAT WORK I DID WAS.
BY THE TIME WE GOT TO THE FINAL BATTLE I THOUGHT I WAS OVER IT?
I WAS GOOD WITH BEING THE SIDEKICK. IT WAS FINE.
AND THEN WE GOT HERE, AND ALL OF YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN KICKING ASS?
DISCOVERING THE KHARAA AND TALKING WITH THE EMPEROR AND SEA DRAGON AND ALL OF THAT.
MEANWHILE ALL OF MY CONTRIBUTIONS WERE FROM ME SCREWING UP AND SOMEHOW GETTING SOMETHING USEFUL OUT OF IT ACCIDENTALLY.
IT WAS KIND OF JUST CONSTANT REMINDERS, OVER AND OVER AGAIN, THAT I'M JUST A FUCKUP ABOUT EVERYTHING.
SO I THOUGHT THAT I COULD HANDLE THINGS BY MYSELF. AND THAT I DIDN'T NEED OTHER PEOPLE TO LOOK AFTER ME BECAUSE I COULD PROVE TO BE NOT USELESS.
AND. SORRY.

all right
im not sure what to do with that but
thanks for telling me i guess

I JUST WANTED YOU TO HAVE A CLEARER IDEA AS TO WHY I KEPT DOING STUPID SHIT BY MYSELF.
EVEN IF IT TURNED OUT TO BE THE WRONG THING TO DO IN THE END?
I'M NOT TRYING TO MAKE UP AN EXCUSE OR ANYTHING.
I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU JUST UNDERSTAND A LITTLE, I GUESS, EVEN IF IT'S DUMB AS FUCK.

thats
yeah ok
understanding that doesnt really
help me with my main issue with that
but thanks for the attempt
sorry to have caused that i guess?

YOU DIDN'T CAUSE IT.
I'M NOT BLAMING YOU OR ANYTHING.
I JUST REALLY FUCKING WANT TO FIX THIS AND WHAT WE'VE BEEN DOING TIL NOW HAS NOT BEEN WORKING.

you literally said us all doing shit made you go off and do whatever
none of this is really my business honestly so like
you can go do shit alone if thats what you wanna do man

NO, I SAID THAT I FELT LIKE I WASN'T DOING ENOUGH TO HELP.
WHAT YOU SAID IS IMPLYING THAT I'M PLACING THE BLAME ON YOU GUYS FOR MY RIDICULOUS INSECURITIES WHEN, NO, IT'S ON ME.
AND I DON'T WANT TO GO ALONE!

Edited 2017-02-24 00:15 (UTC)

ok well
cool?
im not really sure why this is the issue youre trying to discuss
i dont really like
its not my business and im fine with it

AND WHY ISN'T IT YOUR BUSINESS?

because it isnt?
it wouldnt be my business if john pulled that shit either

THE FACT THAT I'M TELLING YOU ABOUT IT MEANS THAT I THINK IT SHOULD BE YOUR BUSINESS THOUGH?
LIKE IT IS ME, OPENING THE DOOR FOR YOU, ALLOWING YOU INTO MY PLACE OF COMMERCE.
IT WAS SOMETHING I WANTED TO TELL YOU ABOUT BEFORE ANYWAY.

well
it isnt my business though
were not dating

Edited 2017-02-24 00:26 (UTC)

LAST TIME I CHECKED, FRIENDS WERE ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT THEMSELVES TO EACH OTHER.

what you do about going places alone or not
is not my business
and you shouldnt be trying to make it my business
its not
any more than its your business what i do or dont do with my time
yes you can talk about yourself to me but
jesus i dont know what the fuck to do with any of this ok

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX THIS!
I JUST
WANT TO BE ABLE TO SIT IN A ROOM WITH YOU AGAIN AND HAVE YOU NOT WANT TO RUN AWAY FROM ME
AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX THIS
AND I DON'T THINK YOU WANT TO FIX IT.
YOU SEEM JUST CONTENT WITH THE WHOLE DODGING EACH OTHER THING AND KEEPING EVERYTHING AS SHALLOW AS POSSIBLE.
I HAVE NO WAY OF TELLING IF THAT LAST SENTENCE IS EVEN TRUE OR NOT TOO.
AND IT'S FUCKING UNFAIR OF ME TO JUST ASSUME THAT IT IS WHEN YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME THAT YOURSELF.

like i know how
you keep pushing it and i dont know how ok
i dont have the answer you keep trying to gouge out of me
and holy fucking shit maybe the problem here is we have different ideas
of what the fuck fixing things even means
because apparently the effort ive put forth is negligible just because i dont want to like
jump straight into spilling my soul to the guy who ignored me every other time i tried

just
god it doesnt even matter if i say no
it never has
do whatever you want

DAVE??
IT DOES MATTER.
AND I'M NOT SAYING IT'S NOT NEGLIGIBLE. JUST THAT I DON'T KNOW WHERE EXACTLY WHERE WE STAND SO I'M NOT SURE HOW TO PROGRESS PAST WHERE WE'RE STUCK AT.
BUT ALSO
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT YOUR IDEAS ARE IF YOU DON'T TELL ME?
AND YOU SAY I IGNORED YOU EVERY TIME BUT EVERY TIME I TRIED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT YOU WOULD JUST
DROP THE SUBJECT AND MOVE ON JUST TO SMOOTH THE ISSUE OVER.
EVEN WHEN I TOLD YOU OVER AND OVER AGAIN THAT WASN'T WHAT I WANTED?
AND THEN I GOT TO A POINT WHERE I COULDN'T EVEN TELL IF WHAT YOU WERE TELLING ME WAS WHAT YOU SINCERELY WANTED OR NOT.
I KNOW THAT I FUCKED UP OVER AND OVER AGAIN. AND THAT THIS IS MY FAULT?
AND EVERYTHING YOU'RE BLAMING ME OF DOING I DID.

ACTUALLY FORGET ALL OF THAT.
I TOLD YOU THAT STORY BECAUSE I WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT IT WAS A LONG PROCESS FOR ME TO START REACHING OUT TO OTHERS.
AND THAT IT WAS AN EVEN LONGER PROCESS TO BE ABLE TO GET ANY REAL PROGRESS ON MY SLEEP THING.
IT WASN'T SOMETHING THAT WOULD JUST IMMEDIATELY FIX ITSELF?
SO YES. I KEPT MESSING UP AND GOING BACKWARDS WITH IT AND MAKING MISTAKES.
BUT I WAS GODAMN FUCKING TRYING WHEN WE WERE STILL DATING WHETHER YOU NOTICED IT OR NOT.

Edited 2017-02-24 00:59 (UTC)

does it
because my feelings are that i dont want to have this conversation with you
im not at a point where i can when we cant even fucking have a casual conversation
and you keep forcing me to have it
every time
regardless of what i say
and you never tried to
fuck it

yeah i know
it was my fault
im sorry
great talk
lets keep it going
what else is on your itinerary here

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