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[parodeity]

DAVE STRIDER | RED | #E00707
TEXT | ACTION

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[parodeity]

Why the fuck do I suck?

[windeity]

I don't even know how to catch birds? So that is a terrible trial. [He's still just joking around, end him.]

[parodeity]

So you're sayin' you wouldn't learn for the sake of our love? [ dave puts a dramatic hand to his heart, although his expression doesn't change. ] Wow. I suppose I could name off the easier trials. Trial one to win my hand in marriage: write me a song.

[windeity]

At least that's in my skillset. But sure. If I ever want to win your hand in marriage I will get right on that.

[parodeity]

If? Rude. [ he'll actually start eating again. ] Remind me to find someone else to spend the rest of my life with before lunch tomorrow.

[windeity]

I will also get right on that. [He's taking another pastry himself.] You could probably find somebody, actually.

[parodeity]

Not interested. [ a shrug. ] Also, it'd probably be awkward and not cool of me to date someone when you're my main priority. And the whole...

[ gesture!!! to explain being dead. ]

Thingamajig. But I could obviously date anyone I wanted. Shit, they could make me one of those tv shows where people try to fight to the death for a date with Dave Strider. With foam swords. The fight to the death, not the date. Although a date involving foam swords sounds rad?

[windeity]

Yeah, I guess that's fair. [Glad John's just, like, fine with that. There's nothing weird or co-dependent about that, but also friends are important.]

I have a lot of questions but the main one I think I have is where would you even find foam swords?

[parodeity]

Toys R Us? [ a shrug... ] Or captcha combinations.

[windeity]

Maybe we should skip out on that for now. But it is something to keep in mind for later.

[parodeity]

Later on when I date people?

[windeity]

Exactly. Whenever that is.

[parodeity]

[ another shrug. ] Whenever you do or never. Oh, or if the human personification of an apple showed up.

[windeity]

Why does it have to be when I do? [He's not questioning the apple thing because like. That's expected as much as he hates that.]

[parodeity]

Uh...I don't know? [ that was for sure a thing he did not mean to say. dave...keeps shrugging... ] Like. If you started dating someone, I would probably get lonely enough to look around. You know I'm a needy little bitch.

[windeity]

You really are. [Since they're being honest? But it's said in a way that he absolutely doesn't even care, he's used to Dave pestering at literally all hours ever.] I don't know. I am not really interested in dating right now considering the circumstances.

[...there's Roxy, but it's not really an ideal dating situation and he's not going to bring it up.]

[parodeity]

[ there's a small little smile, and dave shrugs. ] Anyway, it's a moot point until you inevitably get interested in dating and abandon me.

[windeity]

I'm not going to abandon you for a girl, idiot. [Just sayin?] That would first of all be very uncool of me, and second of all I have been on the other end of that and it's shitty. No thanks.

[parodeity]

You say that now. [ but he knows john would stick around. it would just maybe be a little different. ] And yeah, I know. We'd just have to recalibrate and stop doin' some of the stuff we do.

[windeity]

[...???]

Like what? [John Egbert: a boy who assumes sometimes sharing beds with your friends is just normal.]

[parodeity]

[ dave just starts. listing them off on his fingers. ] Sleepin' together, the whole first priority bullshit, probably dial back on the physical contact just like by a mile or so, flirting, playdates. You know, the stuff you would presumably actually do with a significant other if you had one??

[windeity]

[He's just. Staring for a sec.]

...we're not flirting.

[It's terrible that he 100% believes this.]

[parodeity]

Well, yeah, you're not. [ probably??? ] But my point was datin' stuff goes with, like, dating people. Ergo a recalibration. It's not like hugely important right now or anything, dumbass.

[windeity]

[Huh???????????

He's. Going to try to process that, but also. ???????????]

Wait are you flirting? [What if he just stays on this for a second.]

[parodeity]

[ the world's most unconvincing: ] ...No?