parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 1.0;

[ huh. oh yeah, he'd never actually...suggested they specifically do anything about dirk's style. though thinking about it dirk's style makes sense for him? robots don't really give you feedback on how to stay alive and they're predictable in a way human beings just aren't.

dave's pretty sure he's just putting off answering so he stops staring into space (the space that is dirk's hair) and pulls himself back to the topic at hand. ]

Nah, it's fine, man.

[ he's not sure anyone else offering criticism would actually work, anyway. there's no way that the other alpha kids didn't tell him to chill the hell out.

...right?

actually dave isn't sure they did or not. sometimes he's pretty sure everyone he knows has a death wish. ]

Actually, I - hm. [ nnnnnnnnnot sure if he wants to say the thing or not, so dave veers into a joke instead. ] As long as the strifes are not full of lots of ust at least, because that would be awkweird.

[ he picks the thing he thinks will make it least likely for dirk to pursue whatever dave just decided to not say, which means he deliberately attempts to fluster his brother. this tactic works on like. karkat and john all the time? ]

[Normally, that wouldn't work! Dirk isn't easily distracted by that kind of thing, and while he doesn't like to talk about his relationship with Jake, he isn't actually embarrassed by the physical attraction that's there.

But.

There is nothing quite like adrenaline for two crazy kids who are weirdly into danger and got into certain bad habits during their period dating. Dirk and Jake have taken careful steps to ensure that neither of them fucks up during Strifes, and it's worked really well in terms of establishing boundaries and keeping everything appropriate. But that doesn't stop Dirk from thinking Jake being competent and ridiculous with guns is really hot.

Why must this be what he's into. Why.

Dave gets a full ten second pause before Dirk recovers.]

Say the other thing, Dave.

[He knows the UST was a distraction. And it worked! But not well enough.]

[ fuck he actually thought that was going to work for. five seconds because usually dirk calls him on his crap immediately. is it a win if he got a ten second pause? dave decides he will mentally categorize it as a win since dirk can't read his brain and be picky about the standards of a win.

yeah. ]

That is a worryingly non-committal answer about UST, Dirk.

[ it was a distraction but should he be legitimately concerned here or ]

[No, Dave lost his chance now. Dirk isn't going to let it go.]

We can discuss that afterwards. If you aren't comfortable watching me Strife, tell me. You know I'll notice when it happens, so you might as well tell me now.

Huh? No, that wasn't what it was about, I legitimately don't mind watching you strife. Kinda interested in seeing how Jake matches up to Jade anyway?

[ he only really got to see her guns blazing once, but it was neat. up until the part he got riddled with bullets, that was. that part was less neat. ]

Although I imagine pretty different since he has the whole. [ double pistols and...maybe a wink? hard to see with shades. (there was no wink) ] Lara Croft double wielding thing goin' on and she's got a rifle. A thousand rifles. Shit that girl is super prepared for like, anything.

[ he's still impressed forever by jade harley. ]

Jake has been experimenting with gunfire underwater. I'm pretty sure I saw him with an AK-47 the other day.

[Jake why? Why have the AK-47 when you do the double pistols thing. WHICH IS SO STUPID sometimes Dirk thinks about how much better Jake would be using just one gun and is a little awed.]

So what was the 'Actually.'

Did he ask URSULA about shit, I imagine she probably has some ideas for shit he could build that would like. Do better underwater.

[ that's not an attempt at another distraction: it's a legitimate question slash suggestion. dave supposes that he's lucky that a sword works basically the same underwater.

...sure, some things about it are different and have required acclimatization, but at least there's no inherent problem with using a sword underwater. ]

Somethin' you'd flip out about, probs, thus my hella reluctance to actually go into it. Considered it on the island, but chickened out then, too. Man, are we sure I'm the emotional one in this twosome?

No idea. He likes experimenting anyway. [Something Dirk assumes he got from his Grandma, or perhaps the other way around. He doesn't like to worry about that.

But Dave says 'flip out' and Dirk turns onto high alert. Good job Dave now Dirk is never going to let it go.]

Tell me, Dave.

[ like he was ever going to let it go to start with. dave rolls his eyes (not that dirk can see it, but he's probably seen it enough shades-off that he can catch the cues that it is happening) and caves.

He points to himself. ]

It'd be easier to just have me train you out of what you're doin' wrong. Not that strifing with Jake ain't a good idea in addition, but.

[ and then like he tends to do with karkat, he just waits for the aftermath to what he just said, having known full well from the moment he opened his mouth it was going to come. it's not a hunched-up kind of waiting but more just a relaxed, patient sort of thing as he weathers whatever stupid storm he's just unlocked. ]

[This isn't like the first time Dave offered to Strife Dirk. Dave isn't throwing himself down as a bargaining chip, and Dirk doesn't immediately shoot him down. But the silence is loud.

He puts down his tools, and he flips his shades up to rest on his head.]

I'm pretty sure that list of things you hate still stands. Strifing me would be all of them.

[Dirk understands the situation is different. He has his own suspicions as to why Dave doesn't look brittle and guarded right now. But that doesn't mean he's going to simply accept an offer like that.]

I'm sorry, did I miss somethin' magically givin' you the ability and inclination to pull a bro roof now moment?

[ ugh. ugh. the shades are off and that means it's serious even though dave knew it would be. he scans the lab before following suit. not like it really matters if the green tech squad sees them having a serious conversation in a corner. they're all mostly good at keeping to their selves. ]

Yeah. I do still hate blood and metal sounds and danger and fightin'. But it's not like fightin' is ever goin' to stop bein' a thing in our lives, and I've always known how to work through that. I'm not offerin' Bro-style "training" here because that shit is straight up fucked up and I am not about that life.

[ it had been an offer of that the first time. he knows it had been the first time. it'd been like two days in and dave didn't know dirk well enough to think it would be anything else and he didn't realize that fucked up or no bro's training had taught him to survive (it's not something to be grateful for). ]

You wouldn't be the one in charge.

[ it's a little surprising how much of a difference that idea makes, since dave is usually all about not being in charge of anything. but if he was the one directing a training session, he's pretty sure it would not be...

well. whatever the fuck even this watered-down version of bro could come up with. dave's head starts to hurt whenever he contemplates dirk's training activities because what the everliving fuck.

he occasionally wonders how dirk would do against bro's training, and then decides it's a good thing paradox space will hopefully never answer that. ]

[His eyes immediately take to Dave's to try to read them when the shades are removed. It doesn't really make a difference; it is as much to tell Dave that he's taking this seriously as it is to let them see each other fully. But it does help Dirk believe Dave, a little bit more, when he talks about this.

Dirk still doesn't fully know what Bro-style 'training' would be. He assumes, from how he tried to train Jake, that it would simply be beatdown after beatdown, with every step forward on the training ladder just meaning another second longer surviving a fight like that. And Dave says he's not offering it, and that's for the best: Dirk would take it. He would willingly accept Dave breaking every bone in his body to make them better and never complain about it once. If it would improve him faster, if it would take if further, if it would teach him how to fight through pain and win, then he doesn't care.

Dave does.]

I want to watch you watch a fight between me and Jake before I decide. [You wouldn't be the one in charge is clue enough: Dirk understands that knowing he can beat Dirk, knowing that he can probably beat Bro, has given Dave a different perspective. The first time he offered, what was he expecting? A beatdown? Now he knows that isn't what it would be.

But.]

I can work with accommodating new fighting techniques to different opponents than the ideal. I can't work with anything that will upset you.

[It's the Reaper. It's the robots. Dirk can't keep fucking up in the same way.]

I won't.

Edited 2016-07-07 22:47 (UTC)

[ he was fully expecting a beatdown, and maybe a return to just expecting a fight. always. if dave sets the rules, that's not a thing that will ever be a thing. and a handful of months compared to a handful of days means dave's pretty sure if he set the rules they'd be followed.

it's still a weird feeling. ]

A'ight, that's fair enough. I wouldn't offer if I didn't think I could handle it, so...yeah.

[ about watching a fight with jake. dave really doesn't mind doing that. and about fighting at all. although. ]

Just promise me if you ever get the inclination to make out with him or anyone else you'll do it, like, not while I'm watching because again: awkweird.

[ no but seriously ]

[He knew that was going to come back. He was ready for it. The important thing, though, is that Dave has agreed to Dirk's terms. ....Dirk already knows he's going to lose that fight, he won't be able to beat Jake while also trying to watch Dave to make sure Dave is okay. Maybe he'll get Wiz to record Dave so he can go through the footage after.

Dirk doesn't think that's a creepy idea at all.]

Given that I've already made it clear that I'm not interested in pursuing any concupiscent relationships until I get my own shit together, that promise isn't even necessary. You're getting pretty concerned about that for a dude who wants to go on his sister's dates.

[Dave is so weird. Why, Dave.]

Hey, I don't want to see Rose kissin' anyone either!

[ ... ]

But like, who's it gonna hurt if I'm there for the talking portions. I don't care if people watch movies with me and Karkat?

[ karkat might mind??????????? dave?????????? ]

That's genuinely surprising, now that I've met Karkat.

[Why? Well, because—]

I'd assumed you watched movies together so he could have the pleasure of shutting you up.

[This is revenge for the UST comment.]

[ dave

just. stops breathing. for a full one minute and twenty-two seconds. THIS IS THE PROBLEM WITH PEOPLE KNOWING although honestly rose has made similar comments even without the official confirmation -

no he can do this it's a little harder to pull off completely collected with the other half of the strider set but dave raises and eyebrow and determinedly pretends he didn't just start to go red. god fucking damn being pale as shit. ]

More my style than his, he actually legitimately tries to shut me up about movies with dissertations on like, why You've Got Mail is a deep and meaningful film spoiler alert there is no way anyone should be able to do the speaking equivalent of a forty-page paper without countin' the bibliography on You've Got Mail. Or 27 Dresses. Or the troll versions of either of those films.

[ he has seen. so many romcoms.

dave doesn't even like romcoms???????? at all. ]

...Jesus fucking christ I need to trick him into making a bet with me again so I can pick the movies for a while.

[Ha. Ha. Ha. Dave's recovery might have been passable, even convincing, if he didn't turn tomato-coloured and take basically a minute and a half to answer it.

Dirk isn't smiling. And yet the self-satisfaction is tangible.]

I have absolutely no pity for your situation.

[ no shut up his recovery was great. he scowls, barely. ]

Guess who just got included in the next movie I'm forced to watch? That's right, you did. No talking your way out of it, you have to watch...god probably some Meg Ryan film I don't fuckin' know.

I'd love to watch unforgivably bad movies with you, but I don't want to be in your way if you need to end a dissertation.

[REVENGE x2 COMBO

You really shouldn't provoke your brother about his romantic problems, Dave.]

I'm perfectly capable of shutting Karkat up without resorting to kissing him, thanks.

[ although this involves inducing the irl equivalent of getting karkat to hang up on him, which he...

also is a master at

dave what the fuck? troll people you're not trying to date? ]

I'm a cheat but I'm not that big a cheat. [ okay, that's a lie. ] ...Hahaha I can't even say that with a straight face playing fair is for idiots.

[Dirk picks up his tools again. He doesn't pull down his shades, though. But now that they're not discussing serious things, he can get back to work on his project.]

You're the dirtiest fighter I know.

You're joking, but you're probs right.

[ he's not exactly proud of things like jade-as-a-shield but. he'd do it again if he had to? ]

Jake might be able to give you a run for your money with regards to cheap tricks.

[Jake is actually very tactical in battle, and incredibly ruthless. (...There may be a common factor here.( Dirk has a feeling he'd lose more of their fights if Jake just put down one of his guns or used ones that don't need to reload.]

You'd likely win the Unfair Fighter Competition to his slip-ups into hero stereotypes.

[ yeah, the...the common factor is you, dirk. dave has no idea dirk trained jake, though. at least it wasn't to bro levels like dave got? ]

Probs. I don't have those, since I'm not remotely heroic. One or two of my tactics would actually probably piss you off.

[ he'd 100% use jake or roxy as a human shield against dirk if the situation called for it or made it possible. ]

their month is already a trainwreck tbh

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