parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 1.0;

I'm sorry, did I miss somethin' magically givin' you the ability and inclination to pull a bro roof now moment?

[ ugh. ugh. the shades are off and that means it's serious even though dave knew it would be. he scans the lab before following suit. not like it really matters if the green tech squad sees them having a serious conversation in a corner. they're all mostly good at keeping to their selves. ]

Yeah. I do still hate blood and metal sounds and danger and fightin'. But it's not like fightin' is ever goin' to stop bein' a thing in our lives, and I've always known how to work through that. I'm not offerin' Bro-style "training" here because that shit is straight up fucked up and I am not about that life.

[ it had been an offer of that the first time. he knows it had been the first time. it'd been like two days in and dave didn't know dirk well enough to think it would be anything else and he didn't realize that fucked up or no bro's training had taught him to survive (it's not something to be grateful for). ]

You wouldn't be the one in charge.

[ it's a little surprising how much of a difference that idea makes, since dave is usually all about not being in charge of anything. but if he was the one directing a training session, he's pretty sure it would not be...

well. whatever the fuck even this watered-down version of bro could come up with. dave's head starts to hurt whenever he contemplates dirk's training activities because what the everliving fuck.

he occasionally wonders how dirk would do against bro's training, and then decides it's a good thing paradox space will hopefully never answer that. ]

[His eyes immediately take to Dave's to try to read them when the shades are removed. It doesn't really make a difference; it is as much to tell Dave that he's taking this seriously as it is to let them see each other fully. But it does help Dirk believe Dave, a little bit more, when he talks about this.

Dirk still doesn't fully know what Bro-style 'training' would be. He assumes, from how he tried to train Jake, that it would simply be beatdown after beatdown, with every step forward on the training ladder just meaning another second longer surviving a fight like that. And Dave says he's not offering it, and that's for the best: Dirk would take it. He would willingly accept Dave breaking every bone in his body to make them better and never complain about it once. If it would improve him faster, if it would take if further, if it would teach him how to fight through pain and win, then he doesn't care.

Dave does.]

I want to watch you watch a fight between me and Jake before I decide. [You wouldn't be the one in charge is clue enough: Dirk understands that knowing he can beat Dirk, knowing that he can probably beat Bro, has given Dave a different perspective. The first time he offered, what was he expecting? A beatdown? Now he knows that isn't what it would be.

But.]

I can work with accommodating new fighting techniques to different opponents than the ideal. I can't work with anything that will upset you.

[It's the Reaper. It's the robots. Dirk can't keep fucking up in the same way.]

I won't.

Edited 2016-07-07 22:47 (UTC)

[ he was fully expecting a beatdown, and maybe a return to just expecting a fight. always. if dave sets the rules, that's not a thing that will ever be a thing. and a handful of months compared to a handful of days means dave's pretty sure if he set the rules they'd be followed.

it's still a weird feeling. ]

A'ight, that's fair enough. I wouldn't offer if I didn't think I could handle it, so...yeah.

[ about watching a fight with jake. dave really doesn't mind doing that. and about fighting at all. although. ]

Just promise me if you ever get the inclination to make out with him or anyone else you'll do it, like, not while I'm watching because again: awkweird.

[ no but seriously ]

[He knew that was going to come back. He was ready for it. The important thing, though, is that Dave has agreed to Dirk's terms. ....Dirk already knows he's going to lose that fight, he won't be able to beat Jake while also trying to watch Dave to make sure Dave is okay. Maybe he'll get Wiz to record Dave so he can go through the footage after.

Dirk doesn't think that's a creepy idea at all.]

Given that I've already made it clear that I'm not interested in pursuing any concupiscent relationships until I get my own shit together, that promise isn't even necessary. You're getting pretty concerned about that for a dude who wants to go on his sister's dates.

[Dave is so weird. Why, Dave.]

Hey, I don't want to see Rose kissin' anyone either!

[ ... ]

But like, who's it gonna hurt if I'm there for the talking portions. I don't care if people watch movies with me and Karkat?

[ karkat might mind??????????? dave?????????? ]

That's genuinely surprising, now that I've met Karkat.

[Why? Well, because—]

I'd assumed you watched movies together so he could have the pleasure of shutting you up.

[This is revenge for the UST comment.]

[ dave

just. stops breathing. for a full one minute and twenty-two seconds. THIS IS THE PROBLEM WITH PEOPLE KNOWING although honestly rose has made similar comments even without the official confirmation -

no he can do this it's a little harder to pull off completely collected with the other half of the strider set but dave raises and eyebrow and determinedly pretends he didn't just start to go red. god fucking damn being pale as shit. ]

More my style than his, he actually legitimately tries to shut me up about movies with dissertations on like, why You've Got Mail is a deep and meaningful film spoiler alert there is no way anyone should be able to do the speaking equivalent of a forty-page paper without countin' the bibliography on You've Got Mail. Or 27 Dresses. Or the troll versions of either of those films.

[ he has seen. so many romcoms.

dave doesn't even like romcoms???????? at all. ]

...Jesus fucking christ I need to trick him into making a bet with me again so I can pick the movies for a while.

[Ha. Ha. Ha. Dave's recovery might have been passable, even convincing, if he didn't turn tomato-coloured and take basically a minute and a half to answer it.

Dirk isn't smiling. And yet the self-satisfaction is tangible.]

I have absolutely no pity for your situation.

[ no shut up his recovery was great. he scowls, barely. ]

Guess who just got included in the next movie I'm forced to watch? That's right, you did. No talking your way out of it, you have to watch...god probably some Meg Ryan film I don't fuckin' know.

I'd love to watch unforgivably bad movies with you, but I don't want to be in your way if you need to end a dissertation.

[REVENGE x2 COMBO

You really shouldn't provoke your brother about his romantic problems, Dave.]

I'm perfectly capable of shutting Karkat up without resorting to kissing him, thanks.

[ although this involves inducing the irl equivalent of getting karkat to hang up on him, which he...

also is a master at

dave what the fuck? troll people you're not trying to date? ]

I'm a cheat but I'm not that big a cheat. [ okay, that's a lie. ] ...Hahaha I can't even say that with a straight face playing fair is for idiots.

[Dirk picks up his tools again. He doesn't pull down his shades, though. But now that they're not discussing serious things, he can get back to work on his project.]

You're the dirtiest fighter I know.

You're joking, but you're probs right.

[ he's not exactly proud of things like jade-as-a-shield but. he'd do it again if he had to? ]

Jake might be able to give you a run for your money with regards to cheap tricks.

[Jake is actually very tactical in battle, and incredibly ruthless. (...There may be a common factor here.( Dirk has a feeling he'd lose more of their fights if Jake just put down one of his guns or used ones that don't need to reload.]

You'd likely win the Unfair Fighter Competition to his slip-ups into hero stereotypes.

[ yeah, the...the common factor is you, dirk. dave has no idea dirk trained jake, though. at least it wasn't to bro levels like dave got? ]

Probs. I don't have those, since I'm not remotely heroic. One or two of my tactics would actually probably piss you off.

[ he'd 100% use jake or roxy as a human shield against dirk if the situation called for it or made it possible. ]

[Dirk is momentarily silent.]

Yes.

[There is literally no one in his friend/family group that he could ever bring himself to use as a human shield, ever. He would throw himself to the dogs (well) first.]

[ honestly, dave is a little weirded out by the fact he's pretty sure dirty tactics like a human shield would work against dirk. bro wouldn't have been phased for a second. bro's the reason dave reaches for any advantage at all in a fight and doesn't give a fuck about the morals involved. ]

Oh, you agreed. Does that mean you actually have guesses to what sort of shit I'd do if I had to?

[ at least they're not getting into another argument about heroes (which dave is not). ]

Anyway...you're actually weirdly un-cutthroat.

[ dave

that's not a thing you can just say to people?

and dirk is. pretty cutthroat in his own way but apparently dave considers him to be kind of soft because.

well. his competition here is bro. ]

A few guesses, yes. [He doesn't want to get into the heroism argument. Because Dirk believes that Dave would rather die than ever let any harm come to his friends: he would only use someone if he knew they'd be fine, or he'd use himself. You can be like that and still be, to Dirk, heroic. You can even sacrifice others and still be heroic to Dirk—but maybe there's a self-fulfilling definition in there, because isn't Dirk's ideal of heroism defined almost entirely by what one version of Dave did?

At least he doesn't take the un-cutthroat comment badly. He flicks his eyebrows up briefly (a shrug of sorts) as he works with a part.]

I know I'm not capable of that. Not even when it's for someone's own good, which is a demonstration of how much of a badass I really am.

Such as?

[ why...does dave want to know. but maybe he just wants to know dirk knows dave isn't the best person in the world? because all the love and support is still weird and new and wow he should not be seeking out the opposite of that. this is fucked up? dave is fucked up. but he just can't help himself kicking at weak points to see if they'll shatter because he's used to the shards digging into his skin, not being held together through sheer willpower and...well, everything else. ]

[Dirk's brows crease in for a fraction of a second. Eventually, he settles on an answer grounded in a point of certainty.]

You were capable of ending that Jack fight because you knew that Jane could bring me back.

That wasn't a tactic that'd piss you off.

[ dirk had given him permission. not with words, but -

well. he assumed that look was permission. ]

It lets me know what you're capable of doing. [Dirk can take guesses if he has that point of knowledge. Dave is capable of that much, in that context, with that guarantee. Dave is capable of other things. He's still self-sacrificial as fuck but to win a fight he'll do what he has to.]

I wouldn't be angry with you if you were fighting someone else. [He'd feel seriously fucked up, because Dirk cannot stand letting the people he loves get put on the line like that and isn't that half of why he keeps messing up group fights, but he wouldn't be angry at Dave because he trusts Dave too much.] I'd only be pissed off if you were fighting me. [Then he'd be provoked. Then, he'd lose it.]

[ okay good he'd be pissed - wait. ]

Pissed off with me. [ not just pissed off in general. right? dave continues to be the little kid poking at his barely healed scabbed over knee to see if it still hurts.

it's always going to still hurt, but maybe this time he's just checking to see if it'll bleed. ]

[Dave is doing that thing he does sometimes, the one where he just keeps prying and picking. Dirk breathes normally, because he almost always does, but he's careful in measuring out his breathes. He puts his project back down and shits to sit beside Dave. He knows he has to go over this carefully, explicitly, meticulously. Otherwise, Dave will fill in the blanks with the worst possible interpretation.]

If you were fighting someone who for some absurd reason would let you use Roxy as a human shield or whose death required that someone in the family temporarily died, then I wouldn't be pissed off at you for doing what you had to. [A pause, and he puts a hand on Dave's arm.] Also, you know I'm counting you as 'one of the family' for that. I would damn well not be okay with you letting yourself die in a fight if you had to. But I wouldn't be pissed off with you.

[That's scenario one. He looks at Dave, checking to see if he understood what Dirk means.]

[ the hand isn't shrugged off, and dave actually shifts his focus fully to dirk. he'd been kind of flicking his gaze around the lab idly, coming back and forth, a shifty sort of thing normally concealed by the shades. ]

I used Jade as a human shield and it worked. Don't discount the absurdity that is our universe.

[ don't tell jake?

what about scenario two, though. ]

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