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[parodeity]

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[splinten]

[Dirk's brows crease in for a fraction of a second. Eventually, he settles on an answer grounded in a point of certainty.]

You were capable of ending that Jack fight because you knew that Jane could bring me back.

[parodeity]

That wasn't a tactic that'd piss you off.

[ dirk had given him permission. not with words, but -

well. he assumed that look was permission. ]

[splinten]

It lets me know what you're capable of doing. [Dirk can take guesses if he has that point of knowledge. Dave is capable of that much, in that context, with that guarantee. Dave is capable of other things. He's still self-sacrificial as fuck but to win a fight he'll do what he has to.]

I wouldn't be angry with you if you were fighting someone else. [He'd feel seriously fucked up, because Dirk cannot stand letting the people he loves get put on the line like that and isn't that half of why he keeps messing up group fights, but he wouldn't be angry at Dave because he trusts Dave too much.] I'd only be pissed off if you were fighting me. [Then he'd be provoked. Then, he'd lose it.]

[parodeity]

[ okay good he'd be pissed - wait. ]

Pissed off with me. [ not just pissed off in general. right? dave continues to be the little kid poking at his barely healed scabbed over knee to see if it still hurts.

it's always going to still hurt, but maybe this time he's just checking to see if it'll bleed. ]

[splinten]

[Dave is doing that thing he does sometimes, the one where he just keeps prying and picking. Dirk breathes normally, because he almost always does, but he's careful in measuring out his breathes. He puts his project back down and shits to sit beside Dave. He knows he has to go over this carefully, explicitly, meticulously. Otherwise, Dave will fill in the blanks with the worst possible interpretation.]

If you were fighting someone who for some absurd reason would let you use Roxy as a human shield or whose death required that someone in the family temporarily died, then I wouldn't be pissed off at you for doing what you had to. [A pause, and he puts a hand on Dave's arm.] Also, you know I'm counting you as 'one of the family' for that. I would damn well not be okay with you letting yourself die in a fight if you had to. But I wouldn't be pissed off with you.

[That's scenario one. He looks at Dave, checking to see if he understood what Dirk means.]

[parodeity]

[ the hand isn't shrugged off, and dave actually shifts his focus fully to dirk. he'd been kind of flicking his gaze around the lab idly, coming back and forth, a shifty sort of thing normally concealed by the shades. ]

I used Jade as a human shield and it worked. Don't discount the absurdity that is our universe.

[ don't tell jake?

what about scenario two, though. ]

[splinten]

[Ah. Yes, that makes a lot of sense. (He won't tell Jake.) By the barest angle, his head cants to the side.]

The only reason I can imagine attacking you in earnest is something like that song playing. Roxy wouldn't work as a shield then, so I know you would never use her in that situation. You took me as far from the base as possible to keep yourself my sole target.

But if some bizarre twist of absurdity in our universe made it so I'd only go after you, and you put Roxy between the two of us, then I'd certainly end up as furious as I did when you provoked me in our last battle, or rather probably more.

Until I snapped out of it. The only person I'd be mad with is myself for putting you in that position.

[There is one more scenario. But Dirk needs to be sure that Dave understands this one before they get to it.

[parodeity]

[ ...granted, yes, he had specifically tried to minimize any damage dirk did. dave nods after a second.

continue, dirk. ]

[splinten]

There's one battle tactic you can use to genuinely infuriate me.

[He shifts so he can sling an arm around Dave's shoulder and keep him close for a half-hug. He needs Dave to understand this, even if he can't accept it yet. But Dirk keeps finding different ways to say it.]

If you let yourself get hurt or killed, no matter how good the reason, I would be incredibly pissed off. I always am.

[parodeity]

[ ...........damn it.

dave's still for a moment before he sighs and drops his head onto dirk's shoulder, letting the hug happen. one of his arms goes up to complete the half-hug circle into a full hug. or a locked half hug. whatever you want to call it. ]

Sucks for you that I'm a Time player, then.

[ there's absolutely no bite in his tone. ]

Do you seriously not find anything else I do obnoxious?

[ he feels like that sounds like a question a little kid is asking, but dave just. wants to know. ]

[splinten]

It does.

[A lot. He doesn't even want to think about how many times some version of Dave has died. (He thinks about it often, he thinks about it more than he can stand.) He accepts the closed half-hug and leans his head on Dave's.]

Obnoxious is part of the Strider family name. But I really like you and your company. So not really?

You're ruthless as fuck in battle but I respect that.

[parodeity]

Sometimes I really hate you.

[ wait. shit. that's not what he meant to say - or not how he meant to say it. but what else is new? but no matter what he does here, bullshit magic song included, dave hasn't managed to find the switch that changes dirk to bro. not entirely.

not that he's looking for the sw - yeah no okay when he does this, when he picks apart things dirk says, he's kind of looking for the switch. ]

I love you way too much and it's only been a few months and I guess I was lyin' to Karkat, there's actually nothin' scarier than caring about someone that much.

[ "it is simple" in response to "here you are, stating it like it's the simplest shit in the world" and no, it actually isn't simple at all. maybe it's not scary when it's karkat or rose or john or jade because he knows them inside and out and there's no version of any of them who has actually hated dave (karkat tried but he's never been good at hate in dave's opinion), no one they could become who he would stop loving. or who would stop caring about him in return.

he's terrified of how fucked up he'll manage to be if dirk goes over the edge neither of them wants him to step over or if he disappears like some of the others or...whatever. his grip on dirk tightens just a little. ]

Stupid goddamn supportive piece of shit.

[ truly a heartfelt insult there. the clingy hug really sells it? ]

[splinten]

[It isn't a flinch Dave would feel in a half-hug, it's just an involuntary micromovement of face muscles and then the immediate emotional reaction, the confirmation of what he is still too insecure not to fear, fades a little bit, but not entirely, because Dirk is scared of it too: what the edge might be, how he could switch over, what he'd become and what it would do to Dave. He can't let it happen. But he puzzles over Bro, twists what he knows against what he is and tries to find the difference, the nail he's wanting, something definitive and certain that separates Dirk from that splinter so he'll never slide into it.

He tightens the hug as best as he can.]

It's sorta impressive the way we can turn any of our conversations into agonizing explorations of our interpersonal relationship. I'm wondering if we'll ever run out of material, but I suspect not.

[parodeity]

[ he needs to learn to think before he speaks. but he's still trying to figure out how to accept that dirk isn't some cosmic trick who's going to disappear or warp the second he accepts him as an unchanging constant. ]

Sorry. [ for his mouth. for dragging the conversation into a weird place, again. ]

I'm okay with the agonizing explorations of our interpersonal relationship, though. [ well. he would prefer they not happen so frequently, but. ] I mean, they're like repeatedly stabbing our eyes out for fun but I think they get the job done. If the job is baby steps towards being semi-competent idiots instead of emotional morons? The other day I actually attempted to initiate a feelings jam with someone else about a thing I definitely did not feel like talking about and I 100% blame you.

[ how fucking dare you make him start talking about shit? ]

[splinten]

Nice job on the echeladder of interpersonal communication skills. [He takes one arm out of the hug enough to offer a fist bump.]

You've helped me a lot, too.

[Talking to Roxy. To Jake. Just letting himself admit to the things he hates in himself. Not keeping it bottled up, reaching out, seeking help. Not trying to do it all on his own.]

[parodeity]

Consider this a fist bump for your own level-up, too, then. [ because, okay, he can break the hug for a second for a fist-bump.

look at them, having emotional conversations dave doesn't freeze the fuck up in because of bro flashbacks. baby steps. ]

We should get Wiz to make us some gold stars.

[splinten]

[They're doing so well. Dirk returns to the hug.]

Fuck yes. I need you to design mine. [Because a Star designed by Dave Strider is probably going to be hilarious???

Exactly that reason yes.]

[parodeity]

Only if you do mine.

[ mostly because he's curious about what would happen...

and also the dude who inherited dave's humor through messed up timeloops is bound to do something to make dave laugh. ]

[splinten]

Deal.

[They are both so stupid. Dirk is genuinely happy for how much time they can spend doing absurd bullshit and just hanging out.

Even if there's a lot of clinghugs involved whatever no one can judge them except URSULA.]

[parodeity]

[ ursula is like the least judgmental ai in the world so they're probably safe.

there's a pause before dave does another sappy thing. or says it. whatever. he already did but: ]

Love you and shit.

[ ...it's still nice to wait for the response and to actually kind of assume it will be positive. he and rose don't really exchange the words that often, even if he knows she'd happily shank anyone in the world for him and loves him without any real qualifiers.

it's sort of nice to trade them, though. ]

[splinten]

[Dirk smiles, just a little bit.]

I love you too.

And shit.

[Dave is definitely sentimental. But so is Dirk.]

[parodeity]

...So what are you working on here, anyway, or were you just pretending to work on something in order to corner me into a convo.

[ is it something cool ]

[splinten]

I'm building Sisi a robotic swimsuit.

[Do you think building a roboswimsuit for a corgi is cool? Because if you don't Dirk doesn't know you anymore, that's it, that's the conditional on his love.

At the moment, Dirk is working on shaping the exterior plates. It is mostly done by now, but he wants to be sure all of these parts are properly built. Can't have the doggie getting wet!]

[parodeity]

Oh my god? Oh my god.

[ OH MY GOD??????????

guess who tries to pet sisi every day. ]

Oh my god we have to make my camera like super waterproof I have to document this?

[ the corgi roboswimming not dirk working on the roboswimsuit ]

[splinten]

Hand it over and I'll make the modifications.

[Because why not do even more things with his spare time? LOOK. Dave needs a thing + Dirk can do the thing = Dirk does the thing. It's just how he works. There are water corgi home videos at stake]