Which is a step up, and one I genuinely appreciate. That possible happiness is somewhat dampened by how you're basically hidin' how tired you are from me right now, even though you know I know.
Sure. [ dave can eat one handed so this is Fine and he lets it happen. he opens his mouth to ask something else, but then does not ask whatever it was, changing directions after a split-second hesitation. ] I'm pretty much always down for a movie. You shouldn't do anythin' that difficult for the rest of the day either, anyway.
Do you, [ a pause but this time a minute or two gets him going again ] do you think that. Do you think -
[ okay vague hand gestures time it is. three minutes of this sums up Basically Nothing before he stumbles through to: ]
The pieces of people that get left behind and rattle around your head and get stuck in your bones and can't get dug out. The cancer that seeps into your bloodstream and rots your lungs. Do you think the splinters of people that get left behind as a concept are involved in - noooo this is still too stupid.
[He gives him the space to say it, even listening to the rumbling. He wonders if he knows what Dave wants to ask. He doesn't know if the idea frightens him or gives him hope. Maybe both.]
I think people kinda get splinters of each other left behind, and possibly, I can remove and destroy those, although that isn't a certain possibility. If it were, though, what is it about those splinters you're interested in?
I don't know if I'd want you to even if you could. It's just a thing that I think about sometimes when I want to go the fuck to sleep.
[ it's more of an explanation than the vague rambling, but he tries to clarify: ]
Do you think it's splinters of people we dream about, or just splinters of ourselves? And does the difference even matter? I'm not sure it's even morally a thing I should be askin' about, and also, it's kind of stupid. Like I said.
I don't even know if that's a thing that's possible on a larger scale.
[ or rather, he's pretty sure it isn't. he has no idea who he is without everything that led to this point, and bro was so fucking much of it. his brother is dead and dave has taken up his place beating himself down and he knows it, sometimes, but he's unsure of how to stop. ]
And I'm not even sure it's a thing that should be asked one a smaller scale. Like [ a vague hand gestures as he sinks back into the couch more, rearranges himself with his arms crossed over his chest - not defensive, but relaxed in the way he has where he always has to do something with his hands or he gets antsy - and pauses the eating. ] fuckin' with nightmares or whatever the hell I was suggestin' or not suggestin'.
[It's the truth. He has wondered about it. He's thought about it and wanted it. But he doesn't know if he can and he doesn't know if he should, he doesn't know if it's right, if it would be cruel, if it would hurt Dave. If ripping out that splinter would be tearing up Dave's soul.]
It'd be cool if one day one of us had a clue about, like, anything. Just throwin' it out there in case the universe goes wow sweet idea Dave and takes me up on it?
[ you know. just in case! ]
So anyway like I said it was a stupid detour into who knows what we're doin' landia where nothin' quite matters. There are less ridiculous methods of dealin' with that. Probably.
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[ look he's clearly fine? no exhaustion? clearly not slouching into the couch for anything other than casual relaxation? ]
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[sorry dave]
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...
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yeah that's all he's saying rn. how long does dirk wait for more to happen. ]
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he gives Dave a full minute and a half.]
Yes. I do. Continue?
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[ .....................TO DO? ]
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Why.
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[ and he's doing that thing where he flips back and forth wildly on whether or not he wants to ask, and also - ]
And maybe I'm thinkin' about things wrong and it's impossible. And maybe it would be bad for you? And maybe it would be bad for me???
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[ okay vague hand gestures time it is. three minutes of this sums up Basically Nothing before he stumbles through to: ]
The pieces of people that get left behind and rattle around your head and get stuck in your bones and can't get dug out. The cancer that seeps into your bloodstream and rots your lungs. Do you think the splinters of people that get left behind as a concept are involved in - noooo this is still too stupid.
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I think people kinda get splinters of each other left behind, and possibly, I can remove and destroy those, although that isn't a certain possibility. If it were, though, what is it about those splinters you're interested in?
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[ it's more of an explanation than the vague rambling, but he tries to clarify: ]
Do you think it's splinters of people we dream about, or just splinters of ourselves? And does the difference even matter? I'm not sure it's even morally a thing I should be askin' about, and also, it's kind of stupid. Like I said.
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[That might not answer the question. Dirk is quiet, low-voiced, when he speaks it.]
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[ or rather, he's pretty sure it isn't. he has no idea who he is without everything that led to this point, and bro was so fucking much of it. his brother is dead and dave has taken up his place beating himself down and he knows it, sometimes, but he's unsure of how to stop. ]
And I'm not even sure it's a thing that should be asked one a smaller scale. Like [ a vague hand gestures as he sinks back into the couch more, rearranges himself with his arms crossed over his chest - not defensive, but relaxed in the way he has where he always has to do something with his hands or he gets antsy - and pauses the eating. ] fuckin' with nightmares or whatever the hell I was suggestin' or not suggestin'.
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[It's the truth. He has wondered about it. He's thought about it and wanted it. But he doesn't know if he can and he doesn't know if he should, he doesn't know if it's right, if it would be cruel, if it would hurt Dave. If ripping out that splinter would be tearing up Dave's soul.]
I have no clue.
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[ you know. just in case! ]
So anyway like I said it was a stupid detour into who knows what we're doin' landia where nothin' quite matters. There are less ridiculous methods of dealin' with that. Probably.
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