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[parodeity]

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[parodeity]

Theoretically you could destroy or control those splinters.

[ .....................TO DO? ]

[splinten]

[Dave gets another minute. Then.]

Why.

[parodeity]

Nevermind it's stupid. And weird? And stupid. And you shouldn't do soul shit for a bit?

[splinten]

Please explain, Dave.

[parodeity]

I don't know if I want to because you might try to do it?

[ and he's doing that thing where he flips back and forth wildly on whether or not he wants to ask, and also - ]

And maybe I'm thinkin' about things wrong and it's impossible. And maybe it would be bad for you? And maybe it would be bad for me???

[splinten]

It would really help me to figure out which of those it is if you told me what it was.

[parodeity]

Do you, [ a pause but this time a minute or two gets him going again ] do you think that. Do you think -

[ okay vague hand gestures time it is. three minutes of this sums up Basically Nothing before he stumbles through to: ]

The pieces of people that get left behind and rattle around your head and get stuck in your bones and can't get dug out. The cancer that seeps into your bloodstream and rots your lungs. Do you think the splinters of people that get left behind as a concept are involved in - noooo this is still too stupid.

[splinten]

[He gives him the space to say it, even listening to the rumbling. He wonders if he knows what Dave wants to ask. He doesn't know if the idea frightens him or gives him hope. Maybe both.]

I think people kinda get splinters of each other left behind, and possibly, I can remove and destroy those, although that isn't a certain possibility. If it were, though, what is it about those splinters you're interested in?

[parodeity]

I don't know if I'd want you to even if you could. It's just a thing that I think about sometimes when I want to go the fuck to sleep.

[ it's more of an explanation than the vague rambling, but he tries to clarify: ]

Do you think it's splinters of people we dream about, or just splinters of ourselves? And does the difference even matter? I'm not sure it's even morally a thing I should be askin' about, and also, it's kind of stupid. Like I said.

[splinten]

I've wondered sometimes if maybe I could dig the splinter of him out of you.

[That might not answer the question. Dirk is quiet, low-voiced, when he speaks it.]

[parodeity]

I don't even know if that's a thing that's possible on a larger scale.

[ or rather, he's pretty sure it isn't. he has no idea who he is without everything that led to this point, and bro was so fucking much of it. his brother is dead and dave has taken up his place beating himself down and he knows it, sometimes, but he's unsure of how to stop. ]

And I'm not even sure it's a thing that should be asked one a smaller scale. Like [ a vague hand gestures as he sinks back into the couch more, rearranges himself with his arms crossed over his chest - not defensive, but relaxed in the way he has where he always has to do something with his hands or he gets antsy - and pauses the eating. ] fuckin' with nightmares or whatever the hell I was suggestin' or not suggestin'.

[splinten]

I don't know either.

[It's the truth. He has wondered about it. He's thought about it and wanted it. But he doesn't know if he can and he doesn't know if he should, he doesn't know if it's right, if it would be cruel, if it would hurt Dave. If ripping out that splinter would be tearing up Dave's soul.]

I have no clue.

[parodeity]

It'd be cool if one day one of us had a clue about, like, anything. Just throwin' it out there in case the universe goes wow sweet idea Dave and takes me up on it?

[ you know. just in case! ]

So anyway like I said it was a stupid detour into who knows what we're doin' landia where nothin' quite matters. There are less ridiculous methods of dealin' with that. Probably.

[splinten]

You mean working through our personal emotional problems, with agonizing introspection, painful backsliding, and straight up awkward conversation, in the vague hope that maybe some day we'll have been able to change how we think about things enough to be in a healthier place?

[It's said with high irony, but Dirk leans against Dave's shoulder, and his voice goes quiet again. Quiet and low and mumbling.]

Whenever I thought about it, I sort of pictured it as rootin' him out, and replacin' him with me. Which is probably really fucked up.

[parodeity]

Probably. To the second part? The first is like, important, but I don't know that it really will do much about like. [ gestures to his head ] Nightmares as such. Do you ever stop havin' them? Because I genuinely can't recall a time in my life my dreams weren't fucked up, and Rose can attest to that. And I didn't even tell her the worst ones? Just the lowkey creepy ones, which were relaxin' after a certain point of my existence. Although I do not know why I'm askin' you this since you're the one person I know who doesn't dream of anythin' generally because [ VAGUE DREAM SELF SPLINTER BULLSHIT GESTURES ] y'know.

[ he leaned into dirk when dirk leaned against his shoulder. ]

[splinten]

Psychology was not my rodeo jam, but I hear dreams are supposed to go better if you treat some of the underlyin' causes. [Guess it's two kids and a cat cuddling now?] We could look up how humans treated chronic nightmares, maybe. Or I could try to refine my Heart powers to turn me into a badass dream warrior, wrecking your nightmares' shit. That one is a little more dubious, and also potentially not something you'd want.

[parodeity]

I feel like the last thing you need is to see what I see at night? [ not all of it is memories of bro, but a portion is. the rest is dave dying in a fuckton of ways (relaxing), and puppets, and the things the happened in the game, and his loved ones dying. ] Anyway, I feel like if I go to bed now I'll dream about him tonight. I usually do when I fuck up enough to get hurt in a strife. Which is like, no big deal? Dreams never hurt anyone.

[splinten]

You had to know that last sentence wouldn't get past me before you said it. [Of course dreams have hurt people? He doesn't even mean weird dream bullshit.]

[parodeity]

Ok, comparatively to everythin' else in my life, dreams have been like a mediocre concern and it feels dumb to express a distinct disinterest in goin' to bed on account of 'em.

[ not that dave is renowned for his sleeping abilities but hey ]

[splinten]

I'm genuinely surprised you think you can get that one past me either.

[Dreams are obviously a place where Dave re-experiences traumas.]

[parodeity]

[ dirk gets...a baffled frown. ]

I'm bein' serious? They're like, barely relevant compared to the bullshit I've lived through.

[ he does not consider re-experiencing traumas in dreams to be a worthwhile complaint? for him. obviously if someone else had that issue it'd be magically relevant ]

[splinten]

You've been through a lot of bullshit, right. Then you re-experience that bullshit, remix-style, in your dreams, continuously, long past the initial experience that affected you. They become one of the mechanisms by which your bullshit continues to attack you.

[Therefore.... they matter?]

[parodeity]

Ok, but they like...matter less. They're just me obsessin' over shit that's over and done with.

[ like dirk's whole headless horseman fiasco, and...everything bro. and - yeah lots of options here. ]

Like what would you even do for the smaller-scale shit there? You haven't lost your head again but that's still a thing my mind goes shit Dave major concern here about?

[splinten]

You're remembering that specific instance in the face of a general fear: me getting hurt. Maybe by your hand, which would imply there's the physical component of danger to me, but also the psychological component of being afraid you cause me pain. It isn't a crazy thing for your brain to be worried about when they're both concerns you've actively expressed to me.

[More than once, for that matter.]

[parodeity]

[ he...has never analyzed it since he mostly tries Not To Think About It and hasn't bothered to let rose in on this. ]

Oh. [ that sounds. reasonable? is dirk faking sounding reasonable. it sounds like a real thing? ] Sometimes it's not just beheadin'. ...That was weird to admit wasn't it. Do you want to talk about another series of nightmares, or a movie, or the cat?