recollé ic inbox 4.0;

[parodeity]

DAVE STRIDER

consider this your warning about stairs. itll just keep happening bro. im telling you man

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Comments

[roseblooms]

I need you to help me win a bet.

[parodeity]

im in
what do i need to do

[roseblooms]

Tiebreak. Someone at the bar I'm at says that the number-one celebrity to be stranded on a desert island with is Jay-Z.

I say it's Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

[parodeity]

ok its obviously the rock
he can like pull off all the day to day stranded chores
and also cradle you gently in his ridiculously muscular arms as he like rocks you to sleep
or carries you princess style away from raving cannibals
plus hes kinda a funny guy
so you also get comedy for the bargain

[roseblooms]

EXACTLY.

Also I presume he could crush coconuts between his thighs so we would never want for whatever you need coconuts for on a desert island.

[parodeity]

do you need coconuts for another reason besides seeing him crush them between his thighs

[roseblooms]

I presume you need them to make bikinis out of, as well.

[parodeity]

thats true
if the rock is doing all the hard work we should put on coconut bikinis so he has like
visual aids

[roseblooms]

Precisely.

We must all do all we can to support The Rock as he saves our lives on a desert island.

[parodeity]

do you think the rock is at all into dudes

[roseblooms]

It's possible? I think it's hard to tell who may or may not be into dudes just by looking at them, obviously.

Schroedinger's The Rock would therefore suggest that until we confirm for certain, he both is and is not into dudes, because either possibility is equally likely.

[parodeity]

is that true even though he has only dated chick before

[roseblooms]

Well. I don't see why not?

I had only dated dudes before I started dating my girlfriend, so up until that point, all of the data in my history would've pointed toward my not being into chicks, on account of my 100% dude-dating.

[parodeity]

some people just seem really aggressively heterosexual

although admittedly
i am not sure the rock qualifies there?

[roseblooms]

The Rock seems aggressively The Rock, frankly.

The Rock does what he wants, in bed or otherwise.

[parodeity]

i wonder if hes ever actually crushed someones head with his thighs
he kind of seems like he totally could have a body count

[roseblooms]

Only if they deserve it, I'd imagine.

[parodeity]

lmao yeah
hed be like the thigh avenger

so hey unrelated question
can i ask you a nosy question

[roseblooms]

You just did.

But go ahead and ask me another nosy question, of course. I don't mind.

[parodeity]

have you ever like
had a weird fondness for someone who didnt swing your way
you said you were a disaster at one point did you do that particular disaster

[roseblooms]

A weird fondness meaning a crush?

[parodeity]

ok i wouldnt use that word
not because its like hypothetically an inaccurate word
i just wouldnt use it

[roseblooms]

That's why I used it for you, to afford you the plausible deniability of having never actually said it yourself.

I don't know that I've ever had that particular experience, but I've definitely had a crush on someone I shouldn't have before. Someone for whom if I were to confess the crush and have it go badly, it would've gone REALLY BADLY.

So I think I can say a definite "sort of".

[parodeity]

ok so like
what tips would you give past you about that

[roseblooms]

Well, for one thing I'd tell myself to remember to ask myself why it is I'm convinced that it IS going to go badly. I think it's easy, in a situation like that, to fixate on the absolute worst possible scenario. That's natural, because when preparing yourself for something, it's natural to prepare for the worst.

But that also means expecting the worst out of the person you have a crush on. And I think it's worth asking yourself — myself — why it is I'm so quick to do that.