I'm afraid I can't agree with that belief of yours. I'm not against bettering oneself. But bettering oneself for the sake of others is a hollow exercise.
Can you pay attention to every single nuance twitch on a person's face? In their words? In their presence? No. No one can. Even if I am good at reading people, I can't even say I can do that. I realize that is taking it to an extreme, but it's an extreme needed to explain my point.
People have expectations on others all the time. We cannot meet every single one of them. Some of them are impossible. Some of them are not who we are.
I shall tell you what I have told many this past month, Dave Strider. You cannot hope to only give people something "good." You give them an empty existence that is only for the fair weather. I don't mean that a person should cause arguments needlessly, of course. But only attempting to do "good", be "good", will cause you to forget who you are.
I can't agree with that, either. The space you exist in is yours. Indeed, one day, you'd have to justify what you've taken up in the world. So, there's no reason to become the secondary character of your own life. There is no reason to decide that you matter less. No one else should matter so much that you'd consider your own existence so worthless. What point is there to your existence other than to build someone else up? It sounds nice on paper. It sounds nice on text. "I lived for others." But what it also means is: "I couldn't live for myself." And those that you wanted to change for, when they realize they took that away from you, and had you lose yourself to their wishes and feelings, will not be capable of forgiving themselves.
this is less the territory of facts and more the territory of philosophy what you give and what you take are what you think you give and take its not so clear cut as youre making it out to be
I have been told I am quite philosophical for a restaurant shop owner. But I don't know if I am making it clear cut, or if it merely sounds like it.
Indeed, no one knows what they are taking from other people without the person knowing. Not really. It is only after an individual realizes how small they've become do they realize how much they've given up of themselves. It's not always something immediately recognized. It's sometimes not even something realized until someone else notices.
i think you are making it clear cut like if someone doesnt do x y z they are automatically losing something i dont think thats really true for everyone i understand its what you think is true for everyone im just not sure i full on agree? i dont know if all of that makes someone small or if its always a bad thing which is how youre making things out to be that you always lose something if you dont always stand every inch of ground
its not a point of view that allows for many shades of gray
I'm a very rigid person that sounds fluid. But that's dismissing your point of view, isn't it? I have no intention of doing that, however.
I fear that you misunderstand me a little, and that is my fault, too. I've made my statements too broad or too narrow. It's hard to tell on my part, but allow me to rephrase.
I'm not saying you have to stand every inch of ground. Yielding to the opinion and thoughts of others, doesn't make a person smaller. I am saying, however, that yielding YOURSELF to another person makes one small. Your life is your own life. Everyone's life is their own life. People will say that means they can live it however they want, and it is true. However, I don't think it is a good idea to live one's life selflessly. To, in vague terms, always think of what they can do for someone else. To where that becomes the go-to thought in all things.
One's life should not be made to fill another person's life. One's life is far too precious to be made into the shadow of someone else. One's life is far more precious than even thousand other lives. But such selfishness is drained out of the selfless. And they no longer see their worth or meaning outside of others. I find that to be wrong.
Perhaps, you are right. One that uses others as they see fit. Just as they are using the "selfish" subconsciously, accidentally, with clumsy intentions. But due to that selfishness, it will end up creating a wound.
Perhaps, but the imbalance is never so shifted to another. An 80%-20% friendship, no matter how good both people are, is still one that will leave scars. Invisible ones, yes, but scars all the same.
Hm. Let's say you were the 20% in that friendship. Unthinkable, but let's say it. While I say it is unthinkable, can you imagine how it would be? If not, I can help.
Back what you need, hm. I don't think you have been the 20%, Dave. I think what you experienced may be the most balanced that you could have been.
You see, the "chill" state of the 20% is that you get back what you need and want and don't want. Say, you were hungry, you want to buy food for yourself but only able to buy a small snack from the vending machine. This is fine to you. But your friend instead takes you to a restaurant and pays for the entire meal. That is the 20% existence.
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I'm not against bettering oneself.
But bettering oneself for the sake of others is a hollow exercise.
Can you pay attention to every single nuance twitch on a person's face?
In their words?
In their presence?
No. No one can.
Even if I am good at reading people, I can't even say I can do that.
I realize that is taking it to an extreme, but it's an extreme needed to explain my point.
People have expectations on others all the time.
We cannot meet every single one of them.
Some of them are impossible.
Some of them are not who we are.
I shall tell you what I have told many this past month, Dave Strider.
You cannot hope to only give people something "good."
You give them an empty existence that is only for the fair weather.
I don't mean that a person should cause arguments needlessly, of course.
But only attempting to do "good", be "good", will cause you to forget who you are.
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The space you exist in is yours.
Indeed, one day, you'd have to justify what you've taken up in the world.
So, there's no reason to become the secondary character of your own life.
There is no reason to decide that you matter less.
No one else should matter so much that you'd consider your own existence so worthless.
What point is there to your existence other than to build someone else up?
It sounds nice on paper. It sounds nice on text.
"I lived for others."
But what it also means is: "I couldn't live for myself."
And those that you wanted to change for, when they realize they took that away from you, and had you lose yourself to their wishes and feelings, will not be capable of forgiving themselves.
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But it is taken.
One merely thinks it was freely given.
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what you give and what you take are what you think you give and take
its not so clear cut as youre making it out to be
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But I don't know if I am making it clear cut, or if it merely sounds like it.
Indeed, no one knows what they are taking from other people without the person knowing.
Not really.
It is only after an individual realizes how small they've become do they realize how much they've given up of themselves.
It's not always something immediately recognized.
It's sometimes not even something realized until someone else notices.
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like if someone doesnt do x y z
they are automatically losing something
i dont think thats really true for everyone
i understand its what you think is true for everyone
im just not sure i full on agree?
i dont know if all of that makes someone small
or if its always a bad thing
which is how youre making things out to be
that you always lose something
if you dont always stand every inch of ground
its not a point of view that allows for many shades of gray
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But that's dismissing your point of view, isn't it?
I have no intention of doing that, however.
I fear that you misunderstand me a little, and that is my fault, too.
I've made my statements too broad or too narrow.
It's hard to tell on my part, but allow me to rephrase.
I'm not saying you have to stand every inch of ground.
Yielding to the opinion and thoughts of others, doesn't make a person smaller.
I am saying, however, that yielding YOURSELF to another person makes one small.
Your life is your own life.
Everyone's life is their own life.
People will say that means they can live it however they want, and it is true.
However, I don't think it is a good idea to live one's life selflessly.
To, in vague terms, always think of what they can do for someone else.
To where that becomes the go-to thought in all things.
One's life should not be made to fill another person's life.
One's life is far too precious to be made into the shadow of someone else.
One's life is far more precious than even thousand other lives.
But such selfishness is drained out of the selfless.
And they no longer see their worth or meaning outside of others.
I find that to be wrong.
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to give parts of yourself over to other people
sometimes it is a selfish act
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One that uses others as they see fit.
Just as they are using the "selfish" subconsciously, accidentally, with clumsy intentions.
But due to that selfishness, it will end up creating a wound.
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by which i mean
civil disagreements are a nice change of pace
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But my opinion is no matter how kind both parties are, a wound will form due to the imbalance.
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An 80%-20% friendship, no matter how good both people are, is still one that will leave scars.
Invisible ones, yes, but scars all the same.
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Let's say you were the 20% in that friendship.
Unthinkable, but let's say it.
While I say it is unthinkable, can you imagine how it would be?
If not, I can help.
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you can spin the facts as you see them as much as you like
but im pretty sure were just philosophically opposed on this matter
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That said, can you imagine it or not?
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but yeah
easily
ive been the 20% its chill
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Why is it "chill?"
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you get back what you need
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I don't think you have been the 20%, Dave.
I think what you experienced may be the most balanced that you could have been.
You see, the "chill" state of the 20% is that you get back what you need and want and don't want. Say, you were hungry, you want to buy food for yourself but only able to buy a small snack from the vending machine. This is fine to you. But your friend instead takes you to a restaurant and pays for the entire meal.
That is the 20% existence.
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