parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 1.0;

No!

[ yes ]

Oh my fucking god, just do it? [ at this point karkat is literally just going to attempt to force it into dave's hands? fuck your sandwich. ]

...I'm totally spot-on, aren't I, oh my god who did you get when you were roleplaying me?

[ this has to be the dumbest thing anyone has sought him out for so far ]

Please tell me you did something with your day besides fill out personality quizzes as me, babe.

[ he just floats up so he can keep eating his sandwich and the book just hits his chest. ]

I didn't get anyone because that is not a thing that happened. Do you really think I have so much free time on my hand to fill out every single quiz in this book as you? Because I don't. I have a ton of "irons in the fire," as a certain spider bitch would say.

[ he grabs onto dave's shirt and pulls at it? come down?? ]

Stop rejecting me!

Do the irons in the fire include retaking the test a bunch to see if you could rp me into getting something different?

[ 'cause he bets so. ]

Also: not rejecting you, rejecting your teenage girly quizzes, total difference.

They aren't "teenage girly quizzes," Dave. This book is filled with various in-depth questionnaires that really look deeply into your inner psyche. I have learned so much about myself that I would have never realized if I hadn't found this.

[ what if he just... attempts to climb up there... karkat latches himself onto dave and tries to shimmy up? this isn't going to work is it. ]

Dave. Daaaaave. Dave Strider.

What the utter fuck can "being Blair" tell you about your inner psyche. You're so ridiculous.

[ like. it's not going to make dave stop eating his sandwich? but he's a quick eater so that isn't going to take too long he's already been eating a while.

but he's also not landing still because what the hell. ]

Sweeten the deal or fuck off, bro.

The deal is sweetened enough as it is. In fact, it's so sweet that your freakishly flat teeth would fall out after tasting it.

[ this is fine? he can totally climb up dave like a fuckin monkey? he is definitely attempting this right now. ]

And my connection to Blair has opened my eyes to a lot of my faults that I was not aware of before. I want to help you help yourself so let me you fucking jackass.

[ dave drops to the floor again with no warning as karkat scrabbles around. ]

Nope. One kiss per question or I'm not interested. Since I'm not even actually interested to start with. And I get to decide when and where to cash in.

[ how many fucking questions is this test anyway. god.

he's still not gonna not bullshit answers tho... ]

[ what the fuck!! he stumbles a second when dave stops floating. ]

When you say when and where, what exactly falls under that category? Because I have some objections to that? Primarily the part where you decide when and where. And also everything else.

[ karkat waves the book. ] This is an important life lesson waiting to happen, accept it.

Obviously it means I get to decide when and where. Full control over the kissing parameters. That's the only deal I'm offerin', so if you're not up to the challenge, feel free to just rp me some more to take the test.

[ because if he's walking into a trap he is not doing so free of charge, thanks ]

Did any of those irons in the fire include talkin' to Rose like I told you to do, btw.

[ he is about to continue arguing on this very important point, but then dave switches the topics.

karkat still fully plans to continue arguing on this very important point though. in a sec. ]

Oh, yeah. She explained human families to me and also other wise? Earth was weird as fuck, I'm almost glad I didn't have to live there.

[ she also implied that her telling him all of that was relevant to dirk situation but. didn't explain any further. ]

Can you like, sum up what she told you for me.

[ he

wants to know how helpful rose was here because lmao he knows neither of them can stop themselves from giving karkat a hard time ]

[ he starts to list it off, using his fingers as he says each thing. ]

Families are mostly for support, psychological and emotional. Not all parents bake. Apparently chosen family can be more important than your blood family. If Rose and Kanaya ever produce a nightmare wiggler, you'd be the uncle. Something about school?

[ .........ok technically none of that is wrong but goddamnit rose he'd wanted more like

well

god he doesn't even know what basis he needs for this. ]

Hm. So what other supposed irons are in your fire?

[ he just kind of gives dave a look since ???? ok is that all he's going to say on that topic? after he made him go to rose? alright. ]

Do you have all day? Because I know that you're doubting me here, but I have actually been doing a lot of shit.

I always have all the time in the world for you. So feel free to spill.

[ he says that without a hint of irony because it's...true...he's the knight of time obviously he has all day? ]

[ ok so dave is apparently not going to explain about that thing then. ugh. ]

I went to that one island where Naoko is with Dirk yesterday? And I went into the dreamscape with that evil human child who I think probably casts curses on me while I sleep.

Because of course that's the kind of person you should def hang out with for funsies.

[ but he makes a go-on gesture like his commentary shouldn't stop karkat. ]

Dirk mentioned the Naoko thing to me earlier.

Yeah I figured he was going to? I wasn't even going to bother telling you about it since I half expected him to be texting you throughout my entire conversation with her or something equally as embarrassing.

[ he does not choose to elaborate though and will instead finally.... take a bite of his sandwich that he completely forgot was a thing. ]

He mentioned it when he got back. I usually ask him about his day.

[ dave will pause to let karkat eat some. ]

So how the hell did you go into the dreamscape and why?

Oh. I fixed the life pods in the Monolith weeks ago.

[ specifically when dave and dirk were fighting, but karkat does not say that. ]

And somehow the annoying brat found out about it and they asked me to take them there? It turns out you can still enter the dreamscape through them, like when I first arrived here.

My only experience with the place was weird puppet shit. Is it the same as it was back then?

[ "weird puppet shit" see: cal materializing and following him around like a fucking creeper.

dave specifically doesn't comment on the life pods being fixed weeks ago because he can. guess. why karkat was fucking around somewhere else entirely. ]

I mean, to be fucking fair, my only previous experience with it was multiple people yelling at me to wake the fuck up since I was apparently dying or whatever. It's hard to compare.

[ he takes another bite of his sandwich, chews, and then adds on, ] But I dunno. It kind of felt... easier? I don't know how to explain it. But like it was working with me a lot better this time. And also I didn't attempt to literally drown myself after exiting the pod, so that was a bonus?

Before the whole thing, all that happened was we went there when asleep and sometimes your thoughts changed shit.

[ also don't remind him about the drowning shit he still isn't pleased about that whole Thing ]

Working with you to do...what, though? Like. What's the point. Did you talk to evil spirits.

As far as I know there were no evil spirits aside from the one who dragged me there in the first place.

[ karkat stop insulting a 12 year old ]

I guess it's sort of what you just said? But I could control more of what was happening. Fuck, I don't know, it's weird to explain this.

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