parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 1.0;

Do it and I'm makin' it stand for bitch.

"Can't I check to see if my bitch is mad at me or not?"

[ dave no? don't do this?? ]

Nah, it doesn't stand for that for you. You're my bitch, I'm your mysterious b-word.

[ no his new goal is apparently ticking karkat off

so he stops pushing the gossip girl thing ]

[ TAKE THE QUIZ DAVE!!!!! ]

Fuck you, I am not your bitch unless it goes both ways.

Then learn to say the word boyfriend when we're alone.

[ or like. around other people even but haha dave isn't going to push his luck there, ever. ]

I said it earlier! I am fully capable of doing it, but I have decided that b-word just sounds better, okay? Not everything has to be a hidden meaning.

[ he immediately looked around after dave said boyfriend though. ]

[ he knows it's a secret and all but that doesn't stop kind of stinging every time. dave does what he does best: he fakes a smile and laughs it off. ]

Yeah, whatever. How many questions is your dumb quiz?

Sixty.

[ he doesn't sound like he sees a problem with this number of questions. ]

Jesus christ.

[ whatever. he'll take the book and hold out his hand for a pen. ]

After this I've got a thing to do though.

[ he hands one over. always be prepared, etc. ]

Oh. What are you doing?

[ dave proceeds to start marking the dumbest fucking possible answer for every question. whichever one sounds stupidest, he picks. he has no idea who this will make him, but since he doesn't...care...to start with...it's ok. ]

Gotta see a man about a horse.

[ ... ]

Specifically my bro, about the robo horse that guards the farm?

Ugh, hoofbeasts are so creepy, even in robotic form. I'm surprised you even let that thing near your most prized possession.

[ karkat is watching him fill it out while attempting not to watch too closely because he does not want to appear Invested in dave's answers. ]

Eh. I like his horse thing better than his puppet thing.

[ ok but his answers reveal literally nothing except knowing karkat would never accept him leaving without finishing it. and also that dave thinks this test is dumb. his real answers are not even options in most of these situations why would he care about most of this why does the gossip girl cast care about most of this.

these are literally the most random answers ever so good luck grading this karkat... ]

It still doesn't make it any less weird.

[ being slightly less weird than something else doesn't negate its weirdness, dave.

he watches dave fill in more answers in silence. this silence lasts maybe three seconds, possibly four. ]

Do I owe you sixty?

You didn't agree to my terms, remember? It's a freebie test. I am so not filling out any more of these unless I'm bribed, though.

[ he makes a face as he does the last question. he'd been working fast, partly from skimming and partly from bullshitting. lmao whoops.

karkat will probably get angry later BETTER LEAVE BEFORE THAT HAPPENS. ]

Anyway, I am off to save robothorsekind from loneliness or something, so have fun grading my test and please don't tell me who I got, ever.

[ "later" AS IF HE'S NOT MAD NOW LMAO as much as karkat made a Big Deal about dave's bribe, he does in fact like kissing so this is offensive to him???

AND NO HE HAS TO TELL DAVE WHO HE GOT? THAT'S IMPORTANT?? ]

I hate you so much. I hope you are even able to see the horse from your current position of your own asshole. I'm not fucking sure how you managed to climb in there, but you definitely managed it somehow, dick.

[ no dave's leaving he has to meet dirk and concoct an alibi in case karkat double checks it later? ]

Yeah, yeah, see you later, bro.

[ he laughs and books it. NO IDEA WHO HE GOT ON THE TEST. IT'S PROBABLY THE MOST RANDOM OPTION. ]

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