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[parodeity]

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Comments

[parodeity]

i didnt ask ursula so our deal still stands babe
also yeah
idk how he heard about this though
please explain what went down that were suddenly getting married

even tho im still not marrying you until you propose
also i expect a rad ring

also sure ill pass the message along

[alienates]

I TOLD YOU! I SPOKE TO URSULA AND ONE THING LEAD TO ANOTHER AND SHE WAS SUDDENLY A MAID OF HONOR.
PAY CLOSER ATTENTION?

OH MY FUCKING GOD I AM NOT PROPOSING. WHERE WOULD I EVEN FIND A RING?
YOU'D PROBABLY WANT ONE OF THOSE CANDY ONES AND I AM NOT SURE IF YOU'VE NOTICED, BUT WE ARE LACKING IN CANDY RINGS?
YOUR EXPECTATIONS ARE WAY TOO FUCKING HIGH.

[parodeity]

dirk says a taken man shouldnt be cheating on his future bride btw and i think he has a point
im considering calling off this entire engagement tbh you know im all about monogamy
also no you did not tell me i need like details how the hell did one thing lead to another
do you want to get teen married
how do you bring that up on accident bro

i mean loki made dirk a sword im sure he could forge a ring
or dirk could probably fashion a ridic plastic one
you have options
are you saying im not worth a ring kitkat
im hurt

[alienates]

WAIT WHAT DOES HE MEAN BY CHEATING, HOW IS ME SHOVING SOMETHING UP HIS ASS CHEATIOH MY FUCKING GOD.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I HAD SOME VERY INTERESTING INFORMATION I COULD HAVE SHARED WITH DIRK BUT I AM KEEPING IT TO MYSELF NOW.
WOW, KEEPING THINGS TO YOURSELF?
WHAT A FUCKING CONCEPT! WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT SOMETHING LIKE THIS WAS EVEN POSSIBLE!
LOOK AT ME, NOT SAYING UNNECESSARY BULLSHIT!
IT'S A MOTHERFUCKING PARTY THAT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO RECEIVED AN INVITATION TO. WHY?
BECAUSE DIRK DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO SHUT THE FUCK UP APPARENTLY!

ALSO NO I AM NOT ACCEPTING A RING FROM LOKI?
THERE WAS A SPOODERMAN IN THE SHOWER STALL I WENT INTO THIS MORNING.
HOW DID HE EVEN KNOW WHICH STALL I WAS GOING TO USE??
I REFUSE!!
AND YOU ARE NOT HURT YOU FUCKING LIAR.

[parodeity]

i cannot believe that you didnt catch that one immediately except i can
man im not gonna carry on back and forthing for you guys much longer you can always text him a list of complaints you know
also
as brother to the bride he has a stake in this shit

wait you dont like loki
man why do you always gotta hate on all my friends
lokis great
even if he also refused to marry me

[alienates]

WAIT. WAIT WAIT WAIT.
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU MARRYING LOKI?
OR TRIED TO MARRY LOKI?
THIS IS BULLSHIT.
THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T GET A SHITTY PLASTIC RING. THIS EXACT REASON.

[parodeity]

i wasnt it was a joke
i think hes too old for me anyway
but you know until you propose to me proper you have no say in my marriage prospects

i mean
aside from the dating part
but youre supposed to put a ring on things you like man
beyonce was a wise sage

[alienates]

YOU ARE FULL OF SO MUCH SHIT, YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT?
WHAT WOULD YOU EVEN DO IF I ACTUALLY PROPOSED?
YOU CAN ACT ALL COOL AND SHIT THROUGH TEXT BUT I KNOW THE TRUTH, STRIDER.
YOU ARE A GODDAMN LOSER.
ALSO WHO IS BEYONCE.

[parodeity]

youre just gonna have to propose and find out man
also here listen to this

[ why the fuck does he have this music file ]

[alienates]

I AM NOT PROPOSING TO YOU WITH A SONG AND DANCE NUMBER.
I MEAN, I KNOW THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU MEANT WHEN YOU SENT ME THAT.
BUT THAT IS ALSO THE KIND OF INANITY THAT YOU WOULD ENJOY?
SO JUST THROW THAT DREAM OUT THE WINDOW.
THE METAPHORICAL WINDOW, I MEAN, SINCE WE CAN'T ACTUALLY OPEN ANY WINDOWS HERE OR ELSE WE'D GET FLOODED AND DIE.
DIE LIKE THE IDEA OF A SONG AND DANCE ROUTINE.

[parodeity]

so youre saying youve given thought as to how you would propose to me

[alienates]

OK YOU KNOW WHAT?
WHY IS THIS ALL ON ME ANYWAY.
YOU COULD DO THE PROPOSING AS WELL. I NEVER TOLD URSULA HOW IT APPARENTLY WENT DOWN.
I REALLY DON'T APPRECIATE HOW I'M EXPECTED TO DO ALL THE DIFFICULT PARTS OF THIS RELATIONSHIP, DAVE.
WHILE YOU JUST SIT AROUND, GOSSIPING WITH DIRK.
YOU PROBABLY DELIVERED MY MESSAGES TO HIM REALLY BADLY TOO, DIDN'T YOU?
I HATE YOU SO MUCH.

[parodeity]

because youre the romantic one supposedly
or so you keep claiming
also i love you too but you already knew i was a shitty messenger when you drafted me for the position so
thats on you honestly

[alienates]

YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK YOU.
I AM GOING TO PROPOSE AND IT WILL BE THE BEST PROPOSAL OF ALL TIME?
IT WILL BE SO TOUCHING THAT DIRK'S FACE WILL TWITCH SLIGHTLY, ACTUALLY BETRAYING A SLIVER OF EMOTION.
AND THEN YOU, THE PROPOSEE,
WAIT, IS THAT A WORD?
WHATEVER.
YOU, THE PROPOSEE, WILL BE PUT ON THE SPOT AND WILL NEED TO COME UP WITH SOME SORT OF ANSWER ASAP.
LET'S SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT WHEN THE SHOE IS ON THE OTHER FUCK, DIPSHIT.

[parodeity]

eh
ill believe it when i see it
a fancy proposal and a ring courtesy karkat vantas seems farfetched
also i vote we make proposee a word

[ dave is playing with fire, as usual

dave stop ]

[alienates]

IT'S NOW A WORD OBVIOUSLY.
AND NO, SCREW THAT.
THIS PROPOSAL IS GOING TO BE SO FUCKING AWESOME THAT THERE WON'T EVEN BE A POINT IN OTHERS ONES AFTER IT.
IN FACT THE WHOLE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE WILL CLOSE DOWN BECAUSE NOTHING WILL TOP THE SHIT THAT I AM GOING TO PULL.
I HOPE YOU ARE READY FOR THIS, STRIDER.
YOU ARE GOING TO
GOD
DAMN
SWOON.

[parodeity]

youre building expectations pretty high there babe
looking forward to it

[ although he

figures karkat will flip out about threatening to propose before it ever happens. dave, what is your plan if he actually goes through with it. ]

[alienates]

[ listen... karkat will do a lot of things to prove dave wrong

and he just added proposing to the list, maybe, unless he finally manages to summon that meteor to kill him first. ]

YEAH YOU BETTER BE LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.
SINCE YOU'LL HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAMN LIFE, IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH, BLAH BLAH BLAH.
BABE.

[parodeity]

sure if you actually went through with asking and i said yes but
i predict in about ten minutes youre going to realize were discussing marriage and realize you promised youd propose to me and somehow make me swoon
when i am swoonproof
and scream in frustration

hey so anyway
why *were* you talking about marriage with ursula

[alienates]

[ WELL LIKE. that's true. not that karkat is going to admit that it's true because fuck u dave. ]

WHAT?
OH. IT JUST CAME UP NATURALLY.
YOU KNOW HOW SHE SHIPS PEOPLE?
WE TALKED ABOUT THAT AND THEN MARRIAGE WAS MENTIONED.
DID YOU KNOW SHE SHIPS YOUR BRO AND JAKE?

[parodeity]

karkat
did you contact our ai overlord to talk ships
you utter dork

also i didnt know that in particular
i knew she ships sorey and mikleo
did we talk about this idk if we did
i think my current preferences are set to like
jenga master
since i never fixed that
and dirks might still be puppet ass

im not shocked if she ships them though
but idk what theyre doing there and im not gonna meddle
bros kinda focused on other shit before venturing into those waters i think

[alienates]

[ shit he just remembered what he accidentally set rose's to..... he is gonna die. ]

ENGLISH MENTIONED IT BEFORE DURING OUR PILLOW TALKS.
BUT THOSE ARE STRIDER FREE ZONES SO I AM NOT GOING TO GET INTO THAT.

SHE SHIPS ROXY AND JOHN TOO BTW. AND SOME OTHER PEOPLE?
BUT YEAH ANYWAY THAT'S HOW MARRIAGE GOT BROUGHT UP AND SOMEHOW SHE GOT THE IDEA THAT THE TWO OF US ARE GETTING MARRIED AND THAT SHE IS GOING TO BE THE MAID OF HONOR.
IDK HOW THAT HAPPENED.

[parodeity]

[ he's ignoring everything but one thing here: ]

your what

[alienates]

WHAT? WHICH PART NEEDS CLARIFICATION?
OUR PILLOW TALKS?
I GUESS WE NEVER SAID WE SHOULD KEEP IT A SECRET.
BUT YEAH WE DO IT EVERY NOW AND THEN?
LAST TIME IT WAS IN HIS BEDROOM.

[parodeity]

lmao
i need you to reread what you just typed
oh my god you two are such idiots
do neither of you know what that phrase means
which of you even suggested this i have to know
when can we have pillow talk kitkat this is completely unfair