parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 1.0;

OK YOU KNOW WHAT?
WHY IS THIS ALL ON ME ANYWAY.
YOU COULD DO THE PROPOSING AS WELL. I NEVER TOLD URSULA HOW IT APPARENTLY WENT DOWN.
I REALLY DON'T APPRECIATE HOW I'M EXPECTED TO DO ALL THE DIFFICULT PARTS OF THIS RELATIONSHIP, DAVE.
WHILE YOU JUST SIT AROUND, GOSSIPING WITH DIRK.
YOU PROBABLY DELIVERED MY MESSAGES TO HIM REALLY BADLY TOO, DIDN'T YOU?
I HATE YOU SO MUCH.

because youre the romantic one supposedly
or so you keep claiming
also i love you too but you already knew i was a shitty messenger when you drafted me for the position so
thats on you honestly

YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK YOU.
I AM GOING TO PROPOSE AND IT WILL BE THE BEST PROPOSAL OF ALL TIME?
IT WILL BE SO TOUCHING THAT DIRK'S FACE WILL TWITCH SLIGHTLY, ACTUALLY BETRAYING A SLIVER OF EMOTION.
AND THEN YOU, THE PROPOSEE,
WAIT, IS THAT A WORD?
WHATEVER.
YOU, THE PROPOSEE, WILL BE PUT ON THE SPOT AND WILL NEED TO COME UP WITH SOME SORT OF ANSWER ASAP.
LET'S SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT WHEN THE SHOE IS ON THE OTHER FUCK, DIPSHIT.

eh
ill believe it when i see it
a fancy proposal and a ring courtesy karkat vantas seems farfetched
also i vote we make proposee a word

[ dave is playing with fire, as usual

dave stop ]

IT'S NOW A WORD OBVIOUSLY.
AND NO, SCREW THAT.
THIS PROPOSAL IS GOING TO BE SO FUCKING AWESOME THAT THERE WON'T EVEN BE A POINT IN OTHERS ONES AFTER IT.
IN FACT THE WHOLE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE WILL CLOSE DOWN BECAUSE NOTHING WILL TOP THE SHIT THAT I AM GOING TO PULL.
I HOPE YOU ARE READY FOR THIS, STRIDER.
YOU ARE GOING TO
GOD
DAMN
SWOON.

youre building expectations pretty high there babe
looking forward to it

[ although he

figures karkat will flip out about threatening to propose before it ever happens. dave, what is your plan if he actually goes through with it. ]

Edited 2016-08-02 06:09 (UTC)

[ listen... karkat will do a lot of things to prove dave wrong

and he just added proposing to the list, maybe, unless he finally manages to summon that meteor to kill him first. ]

YEAH YOU BETTER BE LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.
SINCE YOU'LL HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAMN LIFE, IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH, BLAH BLAH BLAH.
BABE.

sure if you actually went through with asking and i said yes but
i predict in about ten minutes youre going to realize were discussing marriage and realize you promised youd propose to me and somehow make me swoon
when i am swoonproof
and scream in frustration

hey so anyway
why *were* you talking about marriage with ursula

[ WELL LIKE. that's true. not that karkat is going to admit that it's true because fuck u dave. ]

WHAT?
OH. IT JUST CAME UP NATURALLY.
YOU KNOW HOW SHE SHIPS PEOPLE?
WE TALKED ABOUT THAT AND THEN MARRIAGE WAS MENTIONED.
DID YOU KNOW SHE SHIPS YOUR BRO AND JAKE?

karkat
did you contact our ai overlord to talk ships
you utter dork

also i didnt know that in particular
i knew she ships sorey and mikleo
did we talk about this idk if we did
i think my current preferences are set to like
jenga master
since i never fixed that
and dirks might still be puppet ass

im not shocked if she ships them though
but idk what theyre doing there and im not gonna meddle
bros kinda focused on other shit before venturing into those waters i think

[ shit he just remembered what he accidentally set rose's to..... he is gonna die. ]

ENGLISH MENTIONED IT BEFORE DURING OUR PILLOW TALKS.
BUT THOSE ARE STRIDER FREE ZONES SO I AM NOT GOING TO GET INTO THAT.

SHE SHIPS ROXY AND JOHN TOO BTW. AND SOME OTHER PEOPLE?
BUT YEAH ANYWAY THAT'S HOW MARRIAGE GOT BROUGHT UP AND SOMEHOW SHE GOT THE IDEA THAT THE TWO OF US ARE GETTING MARRIED AND THAT SHE IS GOING TO BE THE MAID OF HONOR.
IDK HOW THAT HAPPENED.

[ he's ignoring everything but one thing here: ]

your what

WHAT? WHICH PART NEEDS CLARIFICATION?
OUR PILLOW TALKS?
I GUESS WE NEVER SAID WE SHOULD KEEP IT A SECRET.
BUT YEAH WE DO IT EVERY NOW AND THEN?
LAST TIME IT WAS IN HIS BEDROOM.

lmao
i need you to reread what you just typed
oh my god you two are such idiots
do neither of you know what that phrase means
which of you even suggested this i have to know
when can we have pillow talk kitkat this is completely unfair

OH MY FUCK!!
WHAT IS IT NOW?
PLEASE, EXPLAIN TO ME, WHAT THE ISSUE WITH PILLOW TALK IS?
AND IT WAS JAKE WHO SUGGESTED IT INSTEAD OF WHATEVER THE FUCK FAKE WORD HE WAS USING BEFORE.

dude pillow talk is a thing you have with someone in bed
like
after sex

OH
MY
FUCKING
*GOD*
I AM NOT HAVING SEX WITH JAKE ENGLISH!!!

yeah i know that obviously
but youre definitely using a term generally used for post coital interactions and applying it to gossip time
so
im just gonna laugh at you for a bit here
or forever idk
ps def told dirk about this

STOP TELLING DIRK EVERYTHING!
I CHANGED MY MIND I AM NOT PROPOSING TO YOU.
PROPOSAL CANCELED.

haha ok man i knew you werent gonna to start with so
nbd
also how can i not tell him shit when hes sitting right here and you keep making me laugh

THEN STOP LAUGHING, THIS ISN'T FUNNY.
AND ALSO? I CHANGED MY MIND AGAIN.
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO SAY WHAT I WILL AND WILL NOT DO.
YOU ARE LUCKY THAT I AM CLASSY AND KNOW BETTER TO PROPOSE THROUGH FUCKING TEXT OR ELSE YOU WOULD BE GETTING A VIRTUAL RING SLAPPED ONTO YOUR FINGER.
O
^ AH LOOK, THERE'S THE MUCH TALKED UPON PIECE OF JEWELRY.
==
^ WHAT'S THAT? IS THAT A FINGER? COULD IT BE... A RING FINGER?
O==
^ IT'S A PERFECT FUCKING FIT, WOW. INCREDIBLE.
BUT SINCE I AM NOT SOME DUMBASS, I KNOW THAT THIS IS SOMETHING WE MUST DO IN PERSON AND ALSO WHEN DIRK IS NOT AROUND.
FUCK YOU DIRK.

Edited 2016-08-02 07:25 (UTC)

that kinda looks like you failed to draw a text dick but tried really hard to make one

NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT DICKS, DAVE.
FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE STOP THINKING ABOUT FUCKING DICKS!

no dude but look
8==> dick
O== what you drew

you can see where i got this right
also hey i think about other things
like apples
have you had one of my apples yet btw
if not you should because i am the best farmer in the world
presumably
idk maybe theres an undiscovered island with farmers somewhere out there

DON'T DRAW DICKS YOU MORON.

UGH.
NO I HAVE NOT HAD ONE OF YOUR SHITTY APPLES YET.
ARE THEY ACTUALLY GOOD OR ARE YOU JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU'RE BIASED?
YOU GREW THEM SO OF COURSE YOU'D SAY THEY'RE EDIBLE.

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parodeity - 2016-08-02 07:51 (UTC) - Expand

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