her hair is a mess (bedhead, mostly, but as always: have you seen her father) and she's in night clothes with a hooded sweatshirt zipped as far up as it can go. this isn't a new look by any stretch but there are tells; maybe it's tear tracks down her cheeks or puffy red eyes and the fact she is not waiting for him. this isn't about bigby's accident, either, because dave's already been told about that, and a dislocated shoulder isn't something jade's going to run all the way to his house about.
dave's got the upper body strength to pull her up easily, so she doesn't fight it. notably, the tensity in her body is gone when she sees his face, shoulders slumping and breathing stilling like it's caught in her throat.
what's wrong is a loaded question but she'll climb in with his help, first, keeping as quiet as she can. she doesn't want to wake up anyone else. she knows dave's room enough to look out for any mess on the floor (even if its minimal, because he's more tidy than she tends to be) and when she steps down, back pressed against the sill, jade swallows hard.
it's a loaded question and now there's a mounting frustration because she's mad at herself for running all the way here when she probably could have gotten away with a phone call or something. a phone call would have been enough but
her phone is buzzing with notifications again and she doesn't even bother to look, just buries her face in his chest and wraps her arms around his midsection. ] You're okay. [ a beat, and then, again, but softer: ] You're okay.
[ of course he is. why would she think that he wouldn't be? it was too real. ]
[ dave's in his pajamas. red shirt, black pants, no shades so his eyes are still red in the dark, and he leads her back to sit on his bed, not letting go of her as he walks in that direction. ]
I'm okay. [ his left hand starts to rub soothing circles on her back as he drops his chin to the top of her head. ] Do you want to talk about it?
[ walking? really? no, jade loops her legs around dave's waist and hopefully he doesn't mind sneakers on his bed because that's happening as jade sort of pushes her ear to his chest, listening to his breathing and heart. the hand against her back makes her feel childish but it's still appreciated.
it takes a few moments, but once she's collected enough of herself, ]
I am... not so sure it's a good idea for you to hear it.
Edited (wait. no. this seems more ic. deal with it) 2017-03-19 01:32 (UTC)
[ that sentence resonates, because dave gets it. it's why he never told jade she killed him: he did not want her to remember. but dave strider in any universe is always a hypocrite to some degree. ]
I want to hear it anyway. I'm a Strider, and we're exactly the kind of idiots who'll trigger shit for ourselves so the people we love don't have to stand it alone, ok?
Jade. Come on. Tell me - it's clearly killin' you and I have to help, you can't just - you can, I mean, it's your choice, of course you can. But if you gave me the choice between knowin' and maybe hurtin' but bein' able to help you, or not knowin' and watchin' something eat you up without knowin' what to do - I'll always pick knowing every time. Give me the fuckin' apple, Eve, I'll eat it.
[ the stupid thing about jade is that regardless of whatever she's been through in life, she's always going to want to believe in dave. it's dumb and she hates the part of this where he puts on some kind of masculine persona to deal with it, like he has to like - be some dumb knight in shining armor and not just dave, but ]
You got blood all over my dress.
[ jade likes to think she's composed and collected most of the time, perfectly capable of being alone and self sufficient. she doesn't sound like any of those things; she sounds like she's seventeen and realizing her limits. ] And we were in the melting snow. You had holes in your chest and I picked you up and you were already dead.
[ and. and. come on, jade, you can do this, where's all that confidence you can muster up for tests? for stopping rampaging chocobos? ] You had blood coming out of your mouth and I kissed you.
[ oh. he was so worried about saying a word about it, because what if jade remembered? but she remembered on her own. and maybe dave should have guessed (maybe he had, but he hadn't wanted to know he knew, if he did) but the confirmation draws a slow, long breath out of him.
she remembers what he'd never wanted her to. ]
I'm sorry. [ for knowing he'd die, for knowing he'd died, for not saying a word either time and for the aftermath he probably wasn't there for back then and the aftermath he's here for right now.
the thing is, she says you had holes in your chest and not i shot you and dave knows there's a difference to their knowledge levels if jade hasn't figured that part out. ]
[ there's been little things, she realizes, and if all dave has to say is i'm sorry, then she's proud of herself for keeping it all pent up well enough. "aviators" instead of just saying "shades" and avoiding kissing him stick out, of course, because under no circumstances would jade know he used to wear aviators unless she saw something she didn't tell him. she'd asked him to teach her how to kiss better and then avoided kissing him unless it was on the cheek in every circumstance.
maybe jade's not the only one who puts a lot of trust in someone. it's a relief, actually, to know she can get away with that. it probably shouldn't be.
untangling herself from his torso, she reaches up with her left hand, putting a hand to his cheek. jade's not psychic; dave can mentally apologize for knowing he was going to die and for letting her sort her feelings out on her own afterward. she doesn't know any of that. ] What are you apologizing for?
[ for letting her deal with it this long and pretending it was fine and that she still didn't know. sometimes dave strider kind of hates the way he is, but he would do anything in the world to avoid causing the people he loves excess pain. or any pain at all. he never said a word to rose about the dying memory, because she was there after and what if she knew? ]
For you havin' to see it to start with. It's okay, though, I was okay. I promise.
[ it doesn't take much more than that for jade to realize the situation - they've both known about this for weeks and if she thinks about it, the night she'd shut him up by kissing him was probably the trigger. that's... kind of infuriating? she's been avoiding it on her own terms but now it's like it's out of her hands and she doesn't get the choice and that's not fair but it's also not fair that dave's known and not told her because she's had difficulty sleeping for weeks. for weeks, and she's only just now getting some kind of closure? oh my god. on her way back home she's going to kick a telephone pole.
then again she did the same thing to him and she realizes, on second thought, it's probably not easy knowing you died in front of someone close to you. she's mad at him but she's not mad at him, not in the way she's mad at hallucinomemories for existing.
jade's not very good at expressing herself until she's cranky and snapping; you grow up with the big bad wolf and a pentecostal princess locked in a church and you're bound to have issues with emotions, really. as it stands, she just looks really, really tiredly at him. ]
I don't want our lives to revolve around these things, Dave... I'm sorry, too. I should have... said something. I've been avoiding you.
[ the thing is, he thinks they might. the more and more he remembers, the more he starts to feel like this other dave is only a half step away. those feelings and fears don't just disappear because he grew up here, with his family. he's so afraid of finding out more about the childhood he half-remembers, because dave knows what it looks like. he knows what it felt like. and he's terrified he's going to have to tell dirk about it.
i might get cageier he'd told his brother earlier that month, and god, why was it so true? even now, he doesn't want to say a word about the rest of the memory. the half she doesn't have.
dave shuts his eyes, covers the hand on his cheek with his own, and inhales.
exhales. ]
The thing is, [ you shot me, i died, i revived ] you only got the second half of the memory, Jade. And I didn't want you to have to remember the first part, or any of it.
[ he opens his eyes. ]
...But I'm giving you the choice. It's not a nice memory, and you'll hate it, and I won't be able to really explain it beyond the part where nothing was ever on you, because I knew that even then. But - it's your choice.
[ it's bad. it's got to be really, really, really bad and from the sound of it, jade's the reason it went so bad. jade tongues her front teeth, thinking - dave's had to look at her and know whatever it is that makes this "not a nice memory." jade's had to look at him and know that she was there, which is bad enough. what is it that makes it "not nice" now?
he's prepping himself like he can't bear to hurt her and that's infuriating in itself but jade doesn't want to hold it against him. she takes a moment to think, searching his eyes for answers she knows she probably won't find. jade can handle herself, dave can handle himself, and they're both independent individuals, but they are also trying to protect the other from something that clearly is going to slam into the other at some point. what is the purpose, then? ]
Did Anya talk to you about the red string thing?
[ jade doesn't ramble; her words have meaning and she has no reason to distract. actually, she's pretty bad at distracting. she has to say this because dave has to understand her resolve here and because she can't stand how he's looking at her - she's not mad, she just feels like maybe he's putting her down a little. unintentionally. ] She told me about... jeez, this is embarrassing, but she said stuff about soulmates and things about... well, us. Me and you. I don't know! I don't know anything about how far back we might go, but I think... I wouldn't have worn a dress so fancy for no reason, and I don't think I'd have kissed you for no reason, either. Dave, I've been best friends with you since before either of us were born, I think! And I've loved you since before I was born, I'm... I'm pretty sure. So we're partners, and. Um... I want to be your equal? So I want to know. I do. I really, really do and I want us to not hide things from each other or let these things keep us from being honest.
[ she sighs, shoulders slumping. despite her posture, her tone is thankful; having the choice presented to her gives her a bit of control and that's... it's nice to have the option, even if they know what jade's going to want.
her hand stays on his cheek. ] So thank you for the choice. We both know the answer I'm giving you, though. I want to know. I deserve to know, Dave.
I'll tell you this, but we have to - [ a pause. ] I told Dirk the same thing. Jade, there's a really, really good chance I'm gonna start not tellin' you shit.
[ it's a warning and a question. because he's pretty fucking sure there's something coming he won't want to speak about. he already feels like he shouldn't have told dirk as much as he had. the joking tone about creepy memories he'd taken, the way he'd copped to his brother to being disturbed - it's all building up to something dave just doesn't want to face.
even with seventeen years of it not being a thing, he's not sure he's equal to dealing with it just yet. ]
There's a really good chance there's goin' to be shit I remember that I can't tell you. [ the too-familiar apartment. messages written in maybe-blood. constant surveillance and puppets and a kitchen with nothing but weapons. dreams of his continuous deaths being a blessed relief and somehow pedestrian. the feeling of being watched and knowing that whatever brother he was referring to at every point in the memories he's had could not be dirk, because dirk had never met him before the one shared conversation they recalled.
it's all building to something mind-numbingly terrifying, and dave has mostly been pretending it's not. ]
It's not - I don't think it's going to be entirely about you. But you should have the choice there, too, to whether or not you want to even - deal with that. And it might hit a point where I won't let you know I'm - not goin' to be - [ honest. it's already hard enough and he's already not happy about what she's asking him to do right now. this is taxing him beyond measure, being asked to tell her how he died - having to offer it, because otherwise it'd just fall to pieces when she remembered down the road, and at the very least dave doesn't want that.
still. ]
I'll tell you the other half of the memory in a second. But I just - in a little while this might not be a warnin' I'd give you. So I'm givin' it to you now while you still have time to, like, get the hell out of dodge.
[ okay, so something is really, really wrong and dave doesn't want jade to know. this is the extent of what he's willing to tell her, and it twists her stomach hard because jade's been in on dave's inside jokes, for the most part, since they were eight. there's never been an aspect of his life that he wasn't willing to share with her. this has nothing to do with her, he assures her, probably to make her understand that it's not her fault. it doesn't feel like it is. ]
Do you want me to get the hell out of dodge?
[ she doesn't want to. she really doesn't want to. at the same time, jade doesn't push. there's things bigger than her going on in his life and she gets that; childhood friendships and girlfriends sometimes don't trump everything in your life. it's not even that she's holding that against him, really - those things are just proof jade cares about dave. if he's in pain then she wants to help him. it's hypocritical, pulling her onto his bed because he wants to fix what's hurting her and then telling her he's going to be cagey. it's not equal by any measure.
it's frustrating but jade also knows that sometimes you have to back off and give someone their space. ]
No. [ not...exactly? dave does worry that this is going to come down to being fair at some point because probably he should tell people what he's afraid of. but there are dark thorny vines growing around the space in his chest where he's pretty sure his heart is, and creeping up his throat to choke off his words. play it cool says his own voice in scattered memories in what used to be the sanctity of his own mind. don't let anyone know says the same voice and he knows that voice is right even though he'd told dirk i'm scared of changing and a million other things.
he'd been scared because he'd known it was happening, bit by bit. there are secrets waiting around the corner and he won't want to share them. already he doesn't want to share the idea of them. ]
But I want you to have the option. Because you didn't sign up for - this. Whatever this is. Uh. I mean - the things that - hm. I don't...I'm not sure about things - not us, I'm sure about that, just about - I don't know how much I got right or wrong. But it's - I can't -
[ he has no idea how to explain this and he kind of just hopes she gets the general idea of can't. it's overlaid with quiet muted dread and terror and dave starts to pull back a little, running a hand through his hair. ]
This isn't helpin'. Sorry. What point did your memory start at?
[ jade knows that she's beating a dead horse at this point. (this dead horse thought makes her very sad actually??? what an awful metaphor)
dave leans back and jade's hand is left awkwardly in the air for a moment. she closes it into a fist, pulling it toward her chest, and keeps the distance. ]
You didn't sign up for this either. I don't know what's wrong but you didn't do anything to deserve it.
[ this is exactly the opposite way she wanted this to go, fantastic. jade looks down and away before answering. ]
It was short. You were on the ground in front of me already.
[ haha shit he's fucking up while trying really hard not to. dave holds out his hands, laying them face up on his crossed legs. jade can take them or not.
he takes a breath. ]
I remember a little more in either direction. The kiss - for some reason, it brought me back, but not there. To, uh, another body maybe? Rose was there, too, and I was covered in blood from all the bulletholes and shit but I was fine.
[ let's. lead in with the Positive direction! shit that doesn't sound positive. ]
I didn't, uh, remember havin' the kiss so much as - knowin' it would happen. I knew I was goin' to die. I didn't try to avoid it because it had to happen, for - some reason. [ inevitability and had to and he had to make sure it did, all feelings he has no idea what to do with. ] There was a monster. Black, a dog, glowy. You were shootin' it, but it was a portal, and it warped the bullets. I knew it was comin', but you didn't.
[ dave rambles and jade... gets it to an extent; she knew, in her memory, she was going to see dave again. she'd chalked it up to worst case scenario (she won't be auditioning for romeo and juliet later this month, but, "thus, with a kiss, i die" seemed like an answer to that feeling) but this explains it. there was something else she was doing, and it's kind of a relief.
"there was a monster" is what does it for her, first. it's the floodgates to the memory of an assault rifle in her grip, warm from use. dave's behind her and she knows, in present time, what's going to happen when the half dog half man thing glows electric green. the jade in her memory doesn't and keeps shooting and then the thing is gone, behind her with dave, so she turns and -
her bullets are exiting dave's body, the monster behind him, and the memory ties in seamlessly. jade drops the gun, replaces it with dave's body.
present time jade doesn't reach for dave's hands until her memory is grabbing him, then it's her hands on his and she pulls into him; ]
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so so so sorry--
[ her arms around him in a hug, chest flush against his. he feels real but jade buries her face in the crook of his neck, pressing her forehead to his pulse. she wants to make sure. ] I'm so sorry, Dave, I really, really am.
It wasn't your fault, Jade. [ soothing, and dave lets her cling to him, just hugging her back and sitting there, slotting his chin on top of her head. ] Really, it wasn't, you don't have to apologize for it, ever. It was somethin' I knew was gonna happen and it was okay - I was okay. So - please don't cry or anythin'. I promise it was okay.
[ jade knows she can't really disagree, because dave's right here. he's holding her. she woke dave up in the middle of the night, hours before school, for a nightmare, and he still put her down on his bed, let her cling to him and he's consoling her. she feels awful, selfish - she's the worst person in this room, at least. ]
I'm not crying.
[ well, not anymore. it's not a white lie, okay, he didn't specify whether he meant now or earlier. jade is allowed this? after a shaky inhale (clearly, clearly, jade keeping her emotions bottled up, again, but that's not new. she's bad at letting people worry about her and the idea of it is... uncomfortable? a little.) ] You really were fine?
[ rolling over, one hand to her forehead and the most completely done tone you can imagine: ] Yes, I totally smooched your corpse. That is kind of something that I told you already??
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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her hair is a mess (bedhead, mostly, but as always: have you seen her father) and she's in night clothes with a hooded sweatshirt zipped as far up as it can go. this isn't a new look by any stretch but there are tells; maybe it's tear tracks down her cheeks or puffy red eyes and the fact she is not waiting for him. this isn't about bigby's accident, either, because dave's already been told about that, and a dislocated shoulder isn't something jade's going to run all the way to his house about.
dave's got the upper body strength to pull her up easily, so she doesn't fight it. notably, the tensity in her body is gone when she sees his face, shoulders slumping and breathing stilling like it's caught in her throat.
what's wrong is a loaded question but she'll climb in with his help, first, keeping as quiet as she can. she doesn't want to wake up anyone else. she knows dave's room enough to look out for any mess on the floor (even if its minimal, because he's more tidy than she tends to be) and when she steps down, back pressed against the sill, jade swallows hard.
it's a loaded question and now there's a mounting frustration because she's mad at herself for running all the way here when she probably could have gotten away with a phone call or something. a phone call would have been enough but
her phone is buzzing with notifications again and she doesn't even bother to look, just buries her face in his chest and wraps her arms around his midsection. ] You're okay. [ a beat, and then, again, but softer: ] You're okay.
[ of course he is. why would she think that he wouldn't be? it was too real. ]
I had a nightmare.
[ it's muffled, but it's there and sincere. ]
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I'm okay. [ his left hand starts to rub soothing circles on her back as he drops his chin to the top of her head. ] Do you want to talk about it?
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it takes a few moments, but once she's collected enough of herself, ]
I am... not so sure it's a good idea for you to hear it.
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I want to hear it anyway. I'm a Strider, and we're exactly the kind of idiots who'll trigger shit for ourselves so the people we love don't have to stand it alone, ok?
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[ that just puts her more on edge. ] It's... It's not a good hallucinomemory.
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[ anything to make jade stop looking like this. ]
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You got blood all over my dress.
[ jade likes to think she's composed and collected most of the time, perfectly capable of being alone and self sufficient. she doesn't sound like any of those things; she sounds like she's seventeen and realizing her limits. ] And we were in the melting snow. You had holes in your chest and I picked you up and you were already dead.
[ and. and. come on, jade, you can do this, where's all that confidence you can muster up for tests? for stopping rampaging chocobos? ] You had blood coming out of your mouth and I kissed you.
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she remembers what he'd never wanted her to. ]
I'm sorry. [ for knowing he'd die, for knowing he'd died, for not saying a word either time and for the aftermath he probably wasn't there for back then and the aftermath he's here for right now.
the thing is, she says you had holes in your chest and not i shot you and dave knows there's a difference to their knowledge levels if jade hasn't figured that part out. ]
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maybe jade's not the only one who puts a lot of trust in someone. it's a relief, actually, to know she can get away with that. it probably shouldn't be.
untangling herself from his torso, she reaches up with her left hand, putting a hand to his cheek. jade's not psychic; dave can mentally apologize for knowing he was going to die and for letting her sort her feelings out on her own afterward. she doesn't know any of that. ] What are you apologizing for?
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[ for letting her deal with it this long and pretending it was fine and that she still didn't know. sometimes dave strider kind of hates the way he is, but he would do anything in the world to avoid causing the people he loves excess pain. or any pain at all. he never said a word to rose about the dying memory, because she was there after and what if she knew? ]
For you havin' to see it to start with. It's okay, though, I was okay. I promise.
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then again she did the same thing to him and she realizes, on second thought, it's probably not easy knowing you died in front of someone close to you. she's mad at him but she's not mad at him, not in the way she's mad at hallucinomemories for existing.
jade's not very good at expressing herself until she's cranky and snapping; you grow up with the big bad wolf and a pentecostal princess locked in a church and you're bound to have issues with emotions, really. as it stands, she just looks really, really tiredly at him. ]
I don't want our lives to revolve around these things, Dave... I'm sorry, too. I should have... said something. I've been avoiding you.
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[ the thing is, he thinks they might. the more and more he remembers, the more he starts to feel like this other dave is only a half step away. those feelings and fears don't just disappear because he grew up here, with his family. he's so afraid of finding out more about the childhood he half-remembers, because dave knows what it looks like. he knows what it felt like. and he's terrified he's going to have to tell dirk about it.
i might get cageier he'd told his brother earlier that month, and god, why was it so true? even now, he doesn't want to say a word about the rest of the memory. the half she doesn't have.
dave shuts his eyes, covers the hand on his cheek with his own, and inhales.
exhales. ]
The thing is, [ you shot me, i died, i revived ] you only got the second half of the memory, Jade. And I didn't want you to have to remember the first part, or any of it.
[ he opens his eyes. ]
...But I'm giving you the choice. It's not a nice memory, and you'll hate it, and I won't be able to really explain it beyond the part where nothing was ever on you, because I knew that even then. But - it's your choice.
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he's prepping himself like he can't bear to hurt her and that's infuriating in itself but jade doesn't want to hold it against him. she takes a moment to think, searching his eyes for answers she knows she probably won't find. jade can handle herself, dave can handle himself, and they're both independent individuals, but they are also trying to protect the other from something that clearly is going to slam into the other at some point. what is the purpose, then? ]
Did Anya talk to you about the red string thing?
[ jade doesn't ramble; her words have meaning and she has no reason to distract. actually, she's pretty bad at distracting. she has to say this because dave has to understand her resolve here and because she can't stand how he's looking at her - she's not mad, she just feels like maybe he's putting her down a little. unintentionally. ] She told me about... jeez, this is embarrassing, but she said stuff about soulmates and things about... well, us. Me and you. I don't know! I don't know anything about how far back we might go, but I think... I wouldn't have worn a dress so fancy for no reason, and I don't think I'd have kissed you for no reason, either. Dave, I've been best friends with you since before either of us were born, I think! And I've loved you since before I was born, I'm... I'm pretty sure. So we're partners, and. Um... I want to be your equal? So I want to know. I do. I really, really do and I want us to not hide things from each other or let these things keep us from being honest.
[ she sighs, shoulders slumping. despite her posture, her tone is thankful; having the choice presented to her gives her a bit of control and that's... it's nice to have the option, even if they know what jade's going to want.
her hand stays on his cheek. ] So thank you for the choice. We both know the answer I'm giving you, though. I want to know. I deserve to know, Dave.
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[ it's a warning and a question. because he's pretty fucking sure there's something coming he won't want to speak about. he already feels like he shouldn't have told dirk as much as he had. the joking tone about creepy memories he'd taken, the way he'd copped to his brother to being disturbed - it's all building up to something dave just doesn't want to face.
even with seventeen years of it not being a thing, he's not sure he's equal to dealing with it just yet. ]
There's a really good chance there's goin' to be shit I remember that I can't tell you. [ the too-familiar apartment. messages written in maybe-blood. constant surveillance and puppets and a kitchen with nothing but weapons. dreams of his continuous deaths being a blessed relief and somehow pedestrian. the feeling of being watched and knowing that whatever brother he was referring to at every point in the memories he's had could not be dirk, because dirk had never met him before the one shared conversation they recalled.
it's all building to something mind-numbingly terrifying, and dave has mostly been pretending it's not. ]
It's not - I don't think it's going to be entirely about you. But you should have the choice there, too, to whether or not you want to even - deal with that. And it might hit a point where I won't let you know I'm - not goin' to be - [ honest. it's already hard enough and he's already not happy about what she's asking him to do right now. this is taxing him beyond measure, being asked to tell her how he died - having to offer it, because otherwise it'd just fall to pieces when she remembered down the road, and at the very least dave doesn't want that.
still. ]
I'll tell you the other half of the memory in a second. But I just - in a little while this might not be a warnin' I'd give you. So I'm givin' it to you now while you still have time to, like, get the hell out of dodge.
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Do you want me to get the hell out of dodge?
[ she doesn't want to. she really doesn't want to. at the same time, jade doesn't push. there's things bigger than her going on in his life and she gets that; childhood friendships and girlfriends sometimes don't trump everything in your life. it's not even that she's holding that against him, really - those things are just proof jade cares about dave. if he's in pain then she wants to help him. it's hypocritical, pulling her onto his bed because he wants to fix what's hurting her and then telling her he's going to be cagey. it's not equal by any measure.
it's frustrating but jade also knows that sometimes you have to back off and give someone their space. ]
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he'd been scared because he'd known it was happening, bit by bit. there are secrets waiting around the corner and he won't want to share them. already he doesn't want to share the idea of them. ]
But I want you to have the option. Because you didn't sign up for - this. Whatever this is. Uh. I mean - the things that - hm. I don't...I'm not sure about things - not us, I'm sure about that, just about - I don't know how much I got right or wrong. But it's - I can't -
[ he has no idea how to explain this and he kind of just hopes she gets the general idea of can't. it's overlaid with quiet muted dread and terror and dave starts to pull back a little, running a hand through his hair. ]
This isn't helpin'. Sorry. What point did your memory start at?
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[ jade knows that she's beating a dead horse at this point. (this dead horse thought makes her very sad actually??? what an awful metaphor)
dave leans back and jade's hand is left awkwardly in the air for a moment. she closes it into a fist, pulling it toward her chest, and keeps the distance. ]
You didn't sign up for this either. I don't know what's wrong but you didn't do anything to deserve it.
[ this is exactly the opposite way she wanted this to go, fantastic. jade looks down and away before answering. ]
It was short. You were on the ground in front of me already.
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he takes a breath. ]
I remember a little more in either direction. The kiss - for some reason, it brought me back, but not there. To, uh, another body maybe? Rose was there, too, and I was covered in blood from all the bulletholes and shit but I was fine.
[ let's. lead in with the Positive direction! shit that doesn't sound positive. ]
I didn't, uh, remember havin' the kiss so much as - knowin' it would happen. I knew I was goin' to die. I didn't try to avoid it because it had to happen, for - some reason. [ inevitability and had to and he had to make sure it did, all feelings he has no idea what to do with. ] There was a monster. Black, a dog, glowy. You were shootin' it, but it was a portal, and it warped the bullets. I knew it was comin', but you didn't.
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"there was a monster" is what does it for her, first. it's the floodgates to the memory of an assault rifle in her grip, warm from use. dave's behind her and she knows, in present time, what's going to happen when the half dog half man thing glows electric green. the jade in her memory doesn't and keeps shooting and then the thing is gone, behind her with dave, so she turns and -
her bullets are exiting dave's body, the monster behind him, and the memory ties in seamlessly. jade drops the gun, replaces it with dave's body.
present time jade doesn't reach for dave's hands until her memory is grabbing him, then it's her hands on his and she pulls into him; ]
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so so so sorry--
[ her arms around him in a hug, chest flush against his. he feels real but jade buries her face in the crook of his neck, pressing her forehead to his pulse. she wants to make sure. ] I'm so sorry, Dave, I really, really am.
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I'm not crying.
[ well, not anymore. it's not a white lie, okay, he didn't specify whether he meant now or earlier. jade is allowed this? after a shaky inhale (clearly, clearly, jade keeping her emotions bottled up, again, but that's not new. she's bad at letting people worry about her and the idea of it is... uncomfortable? a little.) ] You really were fine?
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[ dave shakes his head, uncertain. ]
I don't...know the context to it. I just know it was right after that.
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I knew I was going to see you again when I, um. Did the thing. [ the kiss thing. ] Sleeping Beauty?
[ it's a suggestion, but she feels silly making it. (which just kind of makes jade like it more, actually.) ]
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[ a pause. ]
You totally kissed my corpse.
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[ rolling over, one hand to her forehead and the most completely done tone you can imagine: ] Yes, I totally smooched your corpse. That is kind of something that I told you already??
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