parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 2.0;

NO I JUST MEANT THAT HE'S THE KIND OF PERSON WHO WOULD JUST PROBABLY ENJOY IT MORE AS A HOBBY INSTEAD OF AN OBLIGATION.
BUT YOU KNOW HIM BETTER THAN I DO SO I'LL JUST STOP ASSUMING SHIT ABOUT HIM.

oh
thanks?
so why were you asking if i was busy

OH, NO. I'LL ASK ABOUT IT LATER.
I KNOW YOU SAID YOU CAN MULTITASK BUT I WOULDN'T WANT TO INTERRUPT YOUR CALCULUS.

this is important too probably
and im not going to be able to multitask for a good portion of tomorrow

ALRIGHT.
FINE, SO. I AM GOING TO TYPE SOME WORDS AT YOU.
AND YOU ARE FREE TO JUST IGNORE THEM UNTIL LATER WHEN YOU ARE NO LONGER PREOCCUPIED.
OR WHATEVER YOU WANT, I'M NOT THE BOSS OF YOU.

THE LAST TIME I TALKED TO YOU I MENTIONED MAKING A LIST?
AND I THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND THEN REALIZED I AM FUCKING AWFUL AT DOING LISTS.
I HAVE NO CLUE WHY I THOUGHT I COULD DO THIS.
I ATTEMPTED TO WRITE SOMETHING OUT AND IT WAS JUST THIS CONVOLUTED MESS THAT HAD LIKE SEVERAL POINTS THAT WERE JUST AIMED ALL OVER THE PLACE AND JUST
JEGUS. ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS, "THIS IS LIKE MY MEMOS ALL OVER AGAIN."
ALTHOUGH THIS TIME I WAS THE ONLY ONE SUBJECTED TO MY ABSURDITY SO I CAN TAKE SOLACE IN THAT.
I HOPE YOU SKIPPED OVER THIS TANGENT HOLY FUCK WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT. MOVING THE FUCK ON.
LIKE I SAID YOU DO NOT NEED TO READY THIS RIGHT AWAY. TAKE YOUR TIME.
DO SOME EQUATIONS.
WHAT IS TEN TIMES THREE?
OPEN THAT TEXTBOOK AND FIND OUT, DAVE.

THIS IS AN APOLOGY.
FOR NOT BEING A VERY GOOD FRIEND TO YOU.
I KNOW THAT YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T REALLY BEING A GOOD ONE TO ME, BUT IT WENT BOTH WAYS?
I DID A BAD JOB OF NOT JUST LISTENING TO YOU.
LIKE OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
I KEPT ASSUMING I KNEW WHAT WAS BEST? LIKE I KNEW HOW TO MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY.
BUT I DIDN'T.
AND I WAS TOO ASHAMED TO ADMIT THAT I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS EVEN DOING SO I JUST KEPT PRESSING ON.
TRYING TO FIX PROBLEMS THAT I EITHER COULDN'T ACTUALLY FIX ON MY OWN OR AT ALL.
AND THEN WHENEVER THINGS STARTED TO DIFFER FROM THE PLAN I CREATED IN MY HEAD, I'D FREAK OUT.
BECAUSE HOW DARE THINGS DEVIATE FROM MY AWFUL ITINERARY THAT WOULD HELP ABSOLUTELY NO ONE??
SO. YEAH.
SORRY FOR NOT BEING MORE CONSIDERATE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS.
EVEN WHEN YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THEM, I STILL SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE AWARE OF WHAT WAS GOING ON INSTEAD OF BLINDLY BELIEVING I KNEW WHAT THE DEAL WAS.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO NEEDS TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE, I GUESS.

its fine
its only recently ive been expecting people to pay attention to my feelings
or trying to share them
so it was kind of stupid to expect you to take them into account
when it wasnt how things worked specifically prior to that

im sorry i havent been able to support you the way i should have
when you were freaking out
or when you had problems
and said you didnt want to work on them
ive never known how to help people really so
ive never really been the greatest friend but i took a particular shitty bent recently
and regardless of the reasons behind it that did suck of me so
sorry
im still not sure im in a place where i can do that even though its stupid

I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO.
I DO LEGITIMATELY WANT YOU TO FOCUS ON YOUR OWN SHIT?
AND TO WORK TO BE IN A BETTER PLACE FOR YOURSELF.
AND I'M GLAD YOU HAVE PEOPLE AROUND YOU THAT CAN HELP YOU GO IN THAT DIRECTION.

I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THE WHOLE FUCKED UP SLEEP THING THOUGH.
I MEAN, I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON IT SINCE NOVEMBER ACTUALLY.
ALTHOUGH IT GOT PUT ON HOLD IN DECEMBER BUT I'M BACK AT IT.

thats cool
what inspired it
you always said you didnt really want to work on that

IT'S NOT THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO.
I THINK I WAS MORE SCARED TO DO IT THAN ANYTHING.
SINCE IT WAS A FUCKED UP HABIT BUT IT WAS ALSO SOMETHING THAT WAS FAMILIAR.
AND IT WAS HOMURA, ACTUALLY.
AFTER HAVING A SMALL, EMO CHILD CONTINUOUSLY DO THINGS LIKE POUR PITCHERS OF WATER ON ME I JUST GOT KIND OF TIRED OF THE PROBLEM.

ironic
she never slept either

I WANT TO SAY THAT I'M SURPRISED AND YET
I'M NOT. THAT SEEMS PRETTY FITTING.

ftr she also rarely ate

OF COURSE SHE DIDN'T!!
WHAT THE FUCK.

ARE YOU EATING?

im reading math books
so not at this exact moment in time

why wouldnt i be eating

IT'S JUST A QUESTION.
I'LL STOP ASKING THEM.

i didnt say you had to stop asking them
its just a complicated issue
the answer is yes but i dont really want to broach it otherwise
outside of specifically dirk
because of really stupid fucking reasons

OK.
ALSO YOU KEEP SAYING ALL OF YOUR REASONS ARE STUPID.
AND I AM USUALLY THE FIRST PERSON IN LINE TO CALL PEOPLE OUT ON THEIR STUPIDITY.
BEFORE THE NONSENSE HAS EVEN FULLY LEFT THEIR MOUTHS I WILL BE THERE, WITH MY HANDS RAISED, READY TO SHOUT OUT ALL OF THE REASONS THEY ARE A FUCKING DUMBASS BEFORE I AM EVEN CALLED ON.
BUT WHATEVER REASONS YOU HAVE FOR ANY OF YOUR SHIT, THEY'RE NOT STUPID.
IF IT WAS SOMEONE ELSE WITH THE SAME REASONINGS, I DOUBT YOU WOULD CALL IT STUPID THEN.
SO JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE YOURS DOESN'T SUDDENLY DECREASE THEIR VALIDITY.

in this case i mean it gets into shit i dont want to get into with anyone
i barely wanted to get into it with dirk but he needed to know

[ it directly concerned dirk and actually, dirk directly holding dave accountable for eating does more than anything else ever did for his schedule shifting towards ordinary. ]

but all right
you kind of sound like him right now

[ normally he would jokingly reply with something like "gross" in regards to that last part, but he thinks that might veer into insulting dirk?? which is now a No, so ]

I HAVE NO IDEA IF SOUNDING LIKE HIM IS A GOOD THING OR NOT.
BUT FINE.
IT ALSO APPLIES IN ALL THE OTHER CASES THOUGH.
SINCE THAT IS A THING YOU SAY A LOT IN GENERAL.

usually it is
he keeps telling me shit i feel is valid or whatever too
im working on buying into that

WELL. THEY ARE?
DON'T GET ME WRONG, FEELINGS ARE A FUCKING MESS AND USUALLY IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO UNDERSTAND ANY OF THEM BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL OVER THE PLACE AND BURIED UNDER LAYERS AND LAYERS CIRCUMSTANCE AND DRAMA.
BUT IT DOESN'T MAKE THEM LESS OF A THING?
IF ANYTHING IT LIKE SHOWS WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REAL FEELINGS AND SOMETHING FICTIONAL IN A MOVIE.
OK I AM GOING ON ANOTHER TANGENT HERE BUT MY GENERAL POINT IS THAT HE'S RIGHT AND YOU SHOULD KEEP ON LISTENING TO HIM.

sure

anyway i guess if that was it ill get back to math

OH. YEAH.
THAT WAS IT. BYE THEN.

later dude
also heads up but if you text me on tuesday evenings or sunday afternoons i wont reply until a few hours later

????
ALRIGHT. THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW.

(no subject)

parodeity - 2017-01-31 05:51 (UTC) - Expand