[ it's just so funny. hilarious. definitely. except it never has been save for what he tells his friends - because dave lies to his best friends all the time when it comes to his homelife or his feelings on most things. it's simpler. it protects them.
it protects dave, because he balks at calling this what it is. bro's fine, bro's just training him, there's nothing to be worried about. if he doesn't think about it it just isn't real.
dave edges further out into the room, wary.
the flickering lights, he thinks, will make it even harder to spot bro moving than usual. but the television is on and maybe he's suppose to go there so he just...breathes and moves. it's fine, this isn't scary, it's totally okay. ]
[ Yep, there he goes, down the hallway, heading towards the sound of television. Just like he expected. He can't really predict what Dave is feeling right now, but he knows there is always room for improvement. There's always room for growth. It's his twisted version of school of hard-knocks filled with puppets and irony and just general awfulness.
It'll be surprising if Dave doesn't succeed.
On another part of the country, John is also getting prepared for what is going to happen soon, with fatherly encouragement via crumpled up notes and strifing with cake-- laughable, honestly. What kind of sissy training was that? Not anything Bro was interested in-- he wasn't babysitting, but it wouldn't have done any harm to show a little more of his nurturing side. It existed, somewhere within the depths of his heart, and the very few occasions he showed it he gave it to his weird sex chat bots or hand made crafts.
He was going to be the guardian that raised one tough cookie without remorse of his actions.
Speaking of not showing remorse for his actions, he's just going to chuck a nice handful of Batman shaped kunai out of what seems to be thin air right towards Dave. If he isn't quick enough, that could seriously hurt. But that's just it, he has got a feeling by now that Dave is strong and smart enough to evade such an attack. There's about five of them that are thrown, and they stick into the wall-- the sofa-- literally anything in the living room.
Dave might see his shadow and feel a breeze of him flashstepping near him, but otherwise he's vanished. ]
[ JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. it's less "smart" and more "this shit happens often enough that his shitty spidey senses kick in". something moves and displaces the air and he slams sideways out of the way of sharp bladed objects that pass through the space where he was half a second previously.
dave registers those were kunai, but there's no real shock that bro's throwing around real live weapons. that's what he does.
what they do? bro's always on about weaponizing his sylladex but dave has never really gotten the knack. he can use a sword and defend himself (kind of; he ends up getting his ass kicked with bro 100% of the time) but despite how he was raised dave strider is just...
not. he's not bloodthristy. he's not cutthroat. he doesn't like causing harm to other people and even though he's well aware he can't land a damn hit on bro even if he tries, dave's attempts are kind of juvenile. if he ever got close to actually cutting his brother he'd pull the damn punch. it doesn't matter that bro never has, never will. dave doesn't have it in him to attack other people when it isn't life and fucking death.
maybe someday he'll be able to cut off someone's head, yeah. but daily domestic strifes aren't a situation where he has to grit his teeth and act like that.
mostly they're situations where he has to survive.
breathe. dave collects the kunai because why the fuck not, dropping them in his sylladex and continuing his search for, apparently, probably expired milk.
or more likely some more traps. shit. ]
Why are we on a horror theme. [ muttered, because he doesn't expect a response. it's not like he has to be stealth - bro knows where he is, obviously. ]
[ He's in rare form today, it seems. Slinging some kunai around without inviting Dave onto the roof top. Dave evaded the first attack as he predicted he would. Dave can continue his venture, but he'll get a message. ]
whyre you so afraid.
[ A vague message. Anybody could be scared shitless in this apartment filled with life or death strife, but to Bro, it all makes sense to him. Why are you so afraid to fight back? That's what he really means. You know, fight fight back. Dave may be giving it all he's got, but Bro considers it child's play. ]
weak. didnt mean to raise someone so motherfucking soft.
[ bro didn't mean to, but maybe there's something about roxy lalonde's genetics that can't be beat. or maybe it's just something in dave himself. he's ruthless in comparison to his friends sometimes, but he's not emotionless and he's not as ruthless as maybe he should be. ]
im not afraid im just trying to dodge whirling death traps is that not a thing im supposed to be doing are there whirling death traps btw
[ at least he can text one handed without looking too much as he eases into he kitchen. probably there's at least one of bro's many camera dolls.
[ The kitchen, well yes. There's a couple of dolls. Dave can probably hear the slight whirl their eyes make, following his every movement. Also, the swords are in rare form today, scattered all over the floor and actually stabbed into the counter top.
There's a note on the fridge at least. It's hard to make out in the dim lighting what it says but maybe Dave can step over some of those shitty weapons and get the note cause that's obviously what's going on here. ]
have i ever given you whirling death traps lil man. makes me sound like a bad guy when you say that.
[ aw man. dave actually pauses to examine the swords stabbed into the counter top with some dismay, kind of wriggling one of the handles. it's maybe a good thing he never actually USES the kitchen for its intended purpose (according to the internet and tv) because this is just a ridiculous amount of damage? how do you even fix this shit. is this structurally sound still?
anyway.
he does eventually stop stalling and go to read the note.
obviously bro was able to write and tape up this reply in the space of less than a second.
god. ]
there havent been any yet but that doesnt mean that i should relax and go yeah my life will never have whirling death traps ever that seems like the best way to invite the universe to go hey dave guess what about that even if you were completely uninvolved in the matter
[ You know, he can't really explain it, but Bro is pretty unnecessarily violent. Stabbing those blades into the counter top isn't an every occurrence-- maybe something has pissed him off recently. Nobody will ever know or understand his behavior, so nobody will ever know if he's pissed off or what pissed him off.
The cabinet doors shudder but Bro is barely seen-- just a mirage-- looks like he's helping himself to something in the kitchen. The pitter patter of feet is even heard faintly on the kitchen tile at rapid speed, but then he's gone without a trace.
By now, a new note has appeared on the counter. Uh, what? ]
HELP URSELF TO THE FRIDGE BRO.
[ Right. The fridge that still has a note on it. A text message follows: ] like the new decor. martha stewart can eat my ass.
[ Are you ready for something brand spanking new? Cause Bro is. He's all about it, actually. It's unsettling and down right morally wrong how eager he is to see how Dave is going to react to a few upgrades he's put on these kitchen puppets. If he keeps it up, these are gonna be military grade puppets— he'll have a whole sentient army that can walk, talk, fight to his every will. In actuality, it's something he could create right now, but he has enough heart to not just make this twisted army as the first thing Dave encounters. Time was drifting by, though, and he knew his days were numbered with Dave. He should have really brought out the big guns sooner.
Anyway, the upgrades. Right. You know lasers? Lasers kind of like Superman's heat vision that are really hot and can melt things. Kind of like Superman, they've been installed in the puppets eyes to detect movement. Not just anyone's movement, but only Dave's movement.
That careful walk to the fridge better be quick, because the second one detects Dave walking in front if it is the second it fires this laser right at him.
Meanwhile, he just gets a shitty text: ]
worst otp ever. [ Dave can't see the look of adoration on Bro's face. It's a pity it's not directed at Dave but rather how cool his creation is. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ it's just so funny. hilarious. definitely. except it never has been save for what he tells his friends - because dave lies to his best friends all the time when it comes to his homelife or his feelings on most things. it's simpler. it protects them.
it protects dave, because he balks at calling this what it is. bro's fine, bro's just training him, there's nothing to be worried about. if he doesn't think about it it just isn't real.
dave edges further out into the room, wary.
the flickering lights, he thinks, will make it even harder to spot bro moving than usual. but the television is on and maybe he's suppose to go there so he just...breathes and moves. it's fine, this isn't scary, it's totally okay. ]
no subject
It'll be surprising if Dave doesn't succeed.
On another part of the country, John is also getting prepared for what is going to happen soon, with fatherly encouragement via crumpled up notes and strifing with cake-- laughable, honestly. What kind of sissy training was that? Not anything Bro was interested in-- he wasn't babysitting, but it wouldn't have done any harm to show a little more of his nurturing side. It existed, somewhere within the depths of his heart, and the very few occasions he showed it he gave it to his weird sex chat bots or hand made crafts.
He was going to be the guardian that raised one tough cookie without remorse of his actions.
Speaking of not showing remorse for his actions, he's just going to chuck a nice handful of Batman shaped kunai out of what seems to be thin air right towards Dave. If he isn't quick enough, that could seriously hurt. But that's just it, he has got a feeling by now that Dave is strong and smart enough to evade such an attack. There's about five of them that are thrown, and they stick into the wall-- the sofa-- literally anything in the living room.
Dave might see his shadow and feel a breeze of him flashstepping near him, but otherwise he's vanished. ]
no subject
dave registers those were kunai, but there's no real shock that bro's throwing around real live weapons. that's what he does.
what they do? bro's always on about weaponizing his sylladex but dave has never really gotten the knack. he can use a sword and defend himself (kind of; he ends up getting his ass kicked with bro 100% of the time) but despite how he was raised dave strider is just...
not. he's not bloodthristy. he's not cutthroat. he doesn't like causing harm to other people and even though he's well aware he can't land a damn hit on bro even if he tries, dave's attempts are kind of juvenile. if he ever got close to actually cutting his brother he'd pull the damn punch. it doesn't matter that bro never has, never will. dave doesn't have it in him to attack other people when it isn't life and fucking death.
maybe someday he'll be able to cut off someone's head, yeah. but daily domestic strifes aren't a situation where he has to grit his teeth and act like that.
mostly they're situations where he has to survive.
breathe. dave collects the kunai because why the fuck not, dropping them in his sylladex and continuing his search for, apparently, probably expired milk.
or more likely some more traps. shit. ]
Why are we on a horror theme. [ muttered, because he doesn't expect a response. it's not like he has to be stealth - bro knows where he is, obviously. ]
no subject
whyre you so afraid.
[ A vague message. Anybody could be scared shitless in this apartment filled with life or death strife, but to Bro, it all makes sense to him.
Why are you so afraid to fight back? That's what he really means. You know, fight fight back. Dave may be giving it all he's got, but Bro considers it child's play. ]
weak.
didnt mean to raise someone so
motherfucking soft.
oh that's a cool icon...
im not afraid im just trying to dodge whirling death traps
is that not a thing im supposed to be doing
are there whirling death traps btw
[ at least he can text one handed without looking too much as he eases into he kitchen. probably there's at least one of bro's many camera dolls.
creepy. ]
i think it's actually dirk??? but who care
There's a note on the fridge at least. It's hard to make out in the dim lighting what it says but maybe Dave can step over some of those shitty weapons and get the note cause that's obviously what's going on here. ]
have i ever given you whirling death traps lil man.
makes me sound like a bad guy when you say that.
same diff after a lil scratch
anyway.
he does eventually stop stalling and go to read the note.
obviously bro was able to write and tape up this reply in the space of less than a second.
god. ]
there havent been any yet but that doesnt mean that i should relax and go yeah my life will never have whirling death traps ever
that seems like the best way to invite the universe to go
hey dave
guess what
about that
even if you were completely uninvolved in the matter
no subject
The cabinet doors shudder but Bro is barely seen-- just a mirage-- looks like he's helping himself to something in the kitchen. The pitter patter of feet is even heard faintly on the kitchen tile at rapid speed, but then he's gone without a trace.
By now, a new note has appeared on the counter. Uh, what? ]
HELP URSELF TO THE FRIDGE BRO.
[ Right. The fridge that still has a note on it.
A text message follows: ]
like the new decor.
martha stewart can eat my ass.
no subject
still, he walks over to it pretty cautiously. ]
shes too busy with snoop doggs
no subject
Anyway, the upgrades. Right. You know lasers? Lasers kind of like Superman's heat vision that are really hot and can melt things. Kind of like Superman, they've been installed in the puppets eyes to detect movement. Not just anyone's movement, but only Dave's movement.
That careful walk to the fridge better be quick, because the second one detects Dave walking in front if it is the second it fires this laser right at him.
Meanwhile, he just gets a shitty text: ]
worst otp ever.
[ Dave can't see the look of adoration on Bro's face. It's a pity it's not directed at Dave but rather how cool his creation is. ]