parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 1.0;

i need to talk to you first
hes going to want to know how this goes anyway
and if we put this off were not going to talk about it for a while
and or i will unpsych myself up whichever comes first

water and apples i said im at the farm why would i not be eating apples

All right. I'll be there soon.

Because you're a fucking idiot.

i didnt starve myself in two hours

It wasn't two hours.

[Don't be full of shit? Dirk has his shades on so he can head over to the farm while also calling out Dave. Thanks, hands-free communication.]

it was exactly as long as it needed to be

It makes your argument about not starving within the span of two hours a specious one.
Like the vast majority of your arguments.

dont tell me youre going to complain until i tell you what two hours equals too

I would let you get away with simply assuring me that you took care of yourself, in the sense of finding proper shelter, eating and drinking a healthy amount, and looking after your illness.
By now I've worked out that any claim that you did so would be cleverly worded but ultimately obvious bullshit.

did you know its possible to answer a question with like one word
i dont know if anyone told you

No.

im taking that a no to wanting to know how long two hours is btw

It isn't.

[What's that? It's your brother, out of the tunnel that he built specifically for you. He takes his shades off (fair is fair) and he really just looks mostly tired. Better, because expressing his hatred for Kaufman is always a good way to spend a few hours. But tired.]

But I'm considering that something we can deal with later.

[ i mean, at least dave is over his being sick now so he looks semi better but mostly super neutral? he is just lying under one of the apple trees kind of staring up at the dome although he tilts his head towards dirk when he approaches. ]

That'd be best or you're just gonna get mad again.

[Okay. He can tell this is going to be tough from the start. He walks over to Dave, and then he sits down beside him, crossed legs, hands resting in his lap. He counts time in his head.]

I'm sorry for how I dealt with that. I shouldn't have threatened Cal's death or insisted on doing this as a necessity. I'll try not to pull that shit again.

Nah, it's not your fault.

[ since it was dave who reacted badly to dream cal and froze up at the mention of not-dream cal ]

Rose said I should copy-paste what I said to her to you.

That sounds absurd.

[He lifts his wrist.]

My communicator is ready for it any time.

I'm not actually gonna copy-paste it.

[ mostly because he occasionally gets too honest with rose when he isn't spouting complete bullshit at her and getting it in return.

but also because he kept using the word hellpuppet ]

- I'm actually not sure if I should even explain it now because I don't think I should talk to you about shit that went down with Bro any more? So instead I will sum up and say I don't want you to cut yourself to pieces for me. Which I already more or less said but whatever.

[There's a little lurch in his stomach. He tries not to let it overwhelm him.

He closes his eyes. Despite everything, he speaks calmly.]

I know you remember asking me not to go away. You asked me not to shut you out.

Please don't do that to me.

I'm not.

[ or maybe he is a little, but it's for a good cause? all he had to do was get a handle on how he'd managed shit with other people, and if he just doesn't tell dirk about bro things, dirk won't kill himself trying to do the opposite of those things. ]

I'm right here? I just don't think we should talk about that anymore. [ because he was right when he told dirk it was too heavy to tell to anyone else. dave was just wrong when he didn't consider that it was also too heavy to expect dirk to deal with, too. ]

And I don't think you should destroy Cal. [ would never ask him to do it, because the sword was different, and cal is...dave can deal. he's dealt with way worse. he made certain not to come back until he could say that really calmly, because it seemed like the only plan that might even halfway work. ]

[His eyes open. Dirk doesn't look away from Dave.]

"Don't go away, even if it's in your own head." I don't have an eidetic memory because I'm not a bullshit detective character post-2005, but I think that was the approximate phrasing.

But I definitely remember, "Please stop, you're scaring the fuck out of me."

[Don't go away. Don't cut me off. Don't lock me out. Dave made demand after demand, and Dirk opened up his heart to him, he tried, he did everything he could. He worked and he fought and he put himself out there. He isn't going to let that become one-sided, and he isn't going to let it fall apart.]

Please. Stop.

No. [ he doesn't raise his voice like he did at some point in the cal fight earlier before he stomped off, but it's emphatic. ] This time, it's not you who did the Bro thing, okay? And I refuse to keep doing it. So we can't - we can't talk about it because even if it's shit I need to learn to deal with you'll try to take it all on you and I'm not going to cause that, okay?

[ if he were going to copy paste what he said to rose it'd be

the whole
cutting himself to pieces just because of me thing
ive done that before rose
it hurts and it doesnt help anyone
its not a thing i want to fucking cause

because that's what he used to do when bro expressed any slight displeasure with any aspect of dave and maybe he should have just done what she said and pasted that exact sentiment. why is rose always right. ]

It's just on this one thing. I'm not doing it on anything else. Swear to god.

One thing is too much.

[He's still very calm. Jake said to lay his cards all out on the table. So, he does.]

You didn't do anything like your Bro did. I don't need to have met him to know that. I've been taking responsibility for your Bro, and for you, more than I should.

I want to try to stop that. You can help me, but pulling back on this won't do the job. I need you to keep talking to me about him or I'll know that I made too much of a disaster out of this for us to come back from.

What would actually help would be if you were to tell me what you were okay with and what you weren't. Honestly, not holding back. I won't spend all my time second-guessing what I'm doing, trying to twist everything to suit you without ever risking asking you about it.

We can work things out together.

I'm not okay with talking about him right now.

[ that's an immediate reaction to asking dave to tell dirk what he's okay with and not okay with because half of the time he trusts dirk implicitly and the other half of the time dave has issues taking him at his word on things, second-guessing whether or not dirk actually thinks he's important. he's not sure he buys dirk not trying to fix things if he knows they're wrong and if he knows dave can't fix them himself. ]

I'm not okay with you getting rid of something you love just because it reminds me of shit. The sword was different. [ or wasn't, he's still not sure what he thought would happen there but at least he doesn't have to see it every day now and there's no chance anyone will use it against him again save for bro showing up with it ] I'm fine with you keeping Cal. I'll never like him, but I can deal.

[ or he can fake it until that's true, and steal hours away when it's not true without telling anyone or something. ]

You pile enough shit on yourself without me actively helping, Dirk. And it's all my issues, not yours, so you shouldn't have to have them heaped on you and it was selfish of me to have not stopped discussin' this shit sooner.

[It hurts, deep and visceral. It twists underneath his lungs, scraping at carefully placed muscle, breaking webs of sinew and spilling out pulmonary fluids. But Dirk has to keep it together.]

It wasn't selfish. You aren't alone anymore, Dave. You don't get to act like you are.

[He's setting his point out there, but he knows he'll have to advance further in other ways first. His fingers link together to keep from twitching. He has to do this right.]

I want to talk to you about my relationship with Cal. Right now, I mean, not in an indefinite future time.

Is that cool?

Edited 2016-08-14 11:01 (UTC)

[ he's not alone but bro's different than every other issue even if he is. most of the issues. dave would go to rose with almost anything else in the world, or john. he sometimes broaches the topic in a sideways manner with karkat before he chickens out. dirk is the first person he'd ever hashed any of it out with besides himself and he's pretty sure even if that did dave any sort of good it has to be negated by dirk beating himself up over it?

dave eyes dirk, sitting up and shifting to lean against the apple tree instead of lying under it, but he just shrugs in the end. he's listened to plenty of people talk about cal and he very carefully doesn't so much as grimace. ]

Yeah.

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